The Harsh Light of Day

Erica Baxter

While the dress itself doesn’t exactly wow me, and the tights are very Northern hemisphere, Erica slips past with a tick because she hasn’t incorporated a riding crop, over the top hat or just baffling stupidity in her choices. There but for the grace of God, Erica.

Jenna Elfman

There’s so much to like here, and there’s so much to hate. I love the floaty flowery thing. I love her hat. However, I HATE the shoes, like vendetta, hire an assassin hate the shoes, and I hate the length and shape. Someone with Jenna Elfman’s body should be rocking it, not competing with Johanna Griggs for the dowdy stakes.

Jennifer Hawkins

Welcome back J-Hawk! I’ve been very critical of the Hawk in the last little while, and well, she’s risen to the criticism like only a local Australian based celebrity can. She looks sexy, classy, fresh, rested and hot WITHOUT over showing her lady friends or with a skirt full of a hoochie mama.

Jodi Gordon

A little Madonna with her gloves and her diamond ring, and little free boob exercising with her singlet top, a little Year 12 Fashion student with her many fabrics for a skirt. Well Jodi, multiple personality disorder can be fun, you’ll never be short of friends, but for a fashion choice, it’s confusing.

Kate Waterhouse

Okay, I’m see what she’s going for here and of course, Kate’s stunning and she looks very good, but it’s like that point in the movie of Bring It On, when everyone realises they have the same routine. Did a ticket to the birdcage include a top hat this year? And if so, why?

Kylie Gillies

Where’s the rabbit? Come on, Kylie, where is it? You have to have one, because unlike Kate, you’ve actually got a magician’s hat, like a proper magician’s hat. So, unless you have a rabbit or you’re about to cut Larry in half and cover the box with the wretched top of yours, then we need a quiet word outside

Megan Gale

While her boyfriend's away Meggie G’s gonna play. And wholly lord does she cut loose! Naughty teacher, meets naughty flight attendant, meets naught jockey, meets Mistress of Pain. Unless you're hormonal teenage boy or make a living as one (Hamish and Andy), then this is just a little too naughty.

Patricia Field

Okay, apparently for those Seven viewers lucky enough to catch Miss P Field, she didn’t hold back in dissin’ the local fashion talent. Well P Field, guess what, YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP. The only way you got into the birdcage today was with a pass clearly labelled and even then I bet security checked it twice because this outfit, looks like a Salvation Army bin thrown at you – so take that! And PS, your ‘Carrie’ fashion line looks cheap and tacky – much like your hair dye.

Sara Groen

I guess Sara decided to be edgy and not choose black and white but Sara, if you’re going to do that, then man, look smashing, look fierce, look so hot people can’t stop looking at you. Don’t look arts and craft project from the mother’s at the local primary school matched with an ill fitting dress of boring-ness.

Sigrid Thornton

Oh dear, at least Megan, Kate and even Kylie Gillies looked a little high fashion with their wackiness but Siggie just looks knock off cheap. Like, the stylist who looked after Meggie and Kate, his assistant ran off with his ideas and peddled out the cheap version. Like buying a Prado to Prada, a Side & Bass instead of Sass & Bide.

Rebecca Twigley

Rebecca honey, we play in the big leagues here in Melbourne, and whilst you generally win the Brownlow, the standard is a little different, a little cheaper and therefore it’s similar to when we play Bangladesh in the cricket, an easy soulless victory. My point, half attempts and your coy cocking head won’t be enough in the birdcage. It’s A game time, for four full straight days, and you’ve got a lot of work ahead.