The Harsh Light of Day

Firstly, a Merry Christmas to all and everyone. Thanks for checking in weekly, especially with the recent sporadic (Clueless flashback!) updates. Thanks to all those who've been Harshed this year, most of you have taken it in the spirit intended and for those that didn't...well, it's the season of giving, so I'm thinking happy thoughts for you.

I'll be posting across the summer as per normal, but due to the slow local scene may need to source some material elsewhere - should be fun times!

Axel Whitehead

Seems Axel has taken a leaf from the Matty Newton School of embarrassing incident recovery. He’s laid low for a suitable amount of time and is slowly resurfacing. Sticking strictly to the rules of Principal Newton, he sports the scruffy beard and dishevelled look, loose tie. Points are being deducted for not draping over girlfriend, but I’m sure Principal Newton will give Axel a pass, it’s his first time back. Plenty of drapery time still ahead of him.

Debora Lee Furness

Well, that’s certainly one way to counter those beard rumours. Take that gossips columnists, Deb seems to be saying. You think I’m his butch beard, well let’s see you make sense of tuxedo that seems to be taken directly from my hubbie’s wardrobe. Yeah, that’s right – betcha you’re confused now huh? And while I applaud Deb’s resistance to the rumours and her fashion statement...couldn’t a well timed public display of affection be just as convincing without the hassle of such as weird outfit.

Guy Sebastian

For Christmas I would like to hire Guy a seamstress, who post haste would sew the hemlines on all his jeans, thereby stopping him from ever rolling up the cuffs again. It’s stupid, stupid fashion that makes him look so damn top heavy – and not in a robust fireman way, but a pudgy bear way.

Kate DeAraugo

See, all nice and simple. Of course, a little too much eyeliner for the daylight, and maybe Kate needs her roots done but pretty normal right?

OH HELL NO! Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? What in God’s or Hillsong’s name would possess Kate to do this? Firstly, the shiny nylons – are we starring in a Working Girl remake as Melanie Griffith later on? And the short denim mini? No Kate! Lady of Night is a fashion you don't want to emulate. And Payless Shoes called and want to thank you for wearing the latest in their line – Sassy Girl Blue.

Kerri Anne

How very Angelina at Cannes! Seriously, Kezza, you look damn fine here. The yellow’s working for you and the length means no stocking issues. The hair and heels, it’s all good my friend. That’s right Kezza, you finish the year on high – love your work.

Matt Newton & Gracie Otto

And here he is! The master of slouch, the king of laidback and the bearer of the scruff. It might appear to some that I have a problem with Mattie, that after earlier escapades I look unkindly towards the boy. Not in the slightest, I just have problem with the fact that poor Gracie Otto is being used as crutch or a bar ledge. Matt, if you can’t stand then don’t walk the carpet – and if you can stand, then by gosh, do it, don’t use Gracie.

Natalie Gauci

Hello Natalie, congratulations on that unbelievable win – and I mean unbelievable in the slightly negative sense, because I just didn’t believe the tweenies would desert their beloved Corby in such staggering numbers. Still, you’ve won the crown and one limited year of publicity that affords you. As part of said publicity that includes me and my nastiness. And yes, I’m sorry darling but the blue skinny leg jeans, ain’t do you no favours. The vest and pink heels also bad ideas. So that leaves a black singlet top.

Nicole Kidman

What does one say? I’m really quite disappointed is what I’ll say. Cause seriously this is damn ugly. And in case you’re wondering why she’s got her hands clasped across the suit – it’s because she’s trying to avoid being the world’s first photographed celebrity silver skinned foil camel toe. I hate to say it, but I think loopy Cruise may have dress sense marital thing going on. Look at one Kate Holmes – Nicole once was as sharp and unstoppable as that, and that time strangely coincided with her arrangement with TC. You do the math.

Tara Reid

You have to ask yourself at what point in your career that opening basement stores became a viable option? It’s a question I pose to Tara as she opens Perth’s Myer Basement store. Yep, you read that last part correctly. I’d also like to issue Tara with a sandwich alert – maybe have one or two. This yoyo dieting cannot be good for your body and I’m a little concerned. It doesn’t keep me awake at nights, but occasionally it crosses my mind, so help me out and clear that off my mental checklist by eating something, much appreciated.

Adelaide Clemens

Hello Avon calling! While this outfit is lovely and demure and is never going to appear on the Supre racks, I think Adelaide has run too far to other side of the line. Whilst searching for demure, she’s found retro housewife with ill fitting mid-section. And sure it’s cute and historical probably accurate, Adelaide could be so much more funky and cool.

Alan & Tracey Dale

Well Jim Robinson has come a long way, like a seriously long way. Delta, Kylie, Holly, Jason, Guy – they’d also wish for this guy’s career. The pinnacles being sharing screen time with the always fantastic Jack Bauer/Keifer Sutherland (never a hotter mug shot has been taken!). Still, I respect Alan & Trace for respecting the red carpet here in Aus. He’s dug out the tux and she’s wearing a lovely frock. Yay for you both!

Amy Erbacher

I kinda like this, actually I kinda a love it. I mean it’s summery and different and co-ordinated and just cool! This really makes me want lose the Christmas insulation, get a fake (healthy tan) and traipse around in white skirts which I’m sure to stain.

Asher Keddie

Asher’s a beautiful woman, there’s no denying it. So why would a strikingly gorgeous woman dye her hair such a boring brown? And then a loose sack purple dress that doesn’t really do anything for her? Okay, it doesn’t hinder her, she’s not revoltingly awful but it could be so much better, so much better.

Daniella Farinacci

If Daniella was the intermission entertainment, performing with animals jumping through her earrings whilst they were on fire and then she would perform a magical scarf dance revealing scarves from her hoop fronted dress, I’d understand this outfit. If not, then what’s going on here?

Delta

Glamour and Delta finally come together after so many near misses it was becoming a TAB sponsored event: Will Delta look good today? Heading back into more normal fashion grounds Delta finds safety and comes out looking amazing. The perfect combination of length, cleavage, jewels, adult hair helping Delta continue transition to adult with an ease that Britney Spears will never know.

Emily Barclay

I’m a little worried about Emily, I think there may be a serious problem. I think she’s been sewn into her black tights and is desperately hoping someone will notice and free her from the confines of perma-black legs. I’ve noticed Em, I’ve seen your cry for help and I’m assembling a crack team of seamstresses and we’re on our way, hang on, just hang on.

Emily Browning

Emily’s always been the little funk-ster than other starlets aspire to. She went off quietly to Hollywood, got herself her a nice little starring role and not a New Idea story to be seen. She rocks a fresh young look here, that I think is so cute, hot, rocking – even the shoes, they somehow work, even though they shouldn’t, they do. Hurray for you, young thing.

Emma Booth

Another youngster showing the early Blanchet gene of beautiful, ethereal fashions. Okay, it’s not red carpet stopping and we’ve seen versions of this Grecian inspired frock before, but there’s something in way she’s refused to even touch a bronzer that excites me. Especially heading into summer.

Isabel Lucas

She’s back! My fashion fruit loop! My off centre darling! My scoop of something different ice-cream. Issie, honey, let’s talk together, talk about your shoes? What’s up with this things? Are they booties? Are they surgical shoes? The dress itself is pretty but the ski boots you’ve teamed with overpower everything!

Joelene Anderson

I’ve resisted so long with Joelene using the lyrics to one Miss Dolly Parton’s classic song and I can resist a little longer, so consider that my Christmas present to you all. Here is the ultimate case of so close, so very, very, very close. And this is probably the prime example of my taste ruining everything. The dress is beautiful, great: insert your own adjective of choice. However the boring middle part in the hair COMPLETELY ruins it for me. I’m sure I’m alone but just imagine the outfit with a glamour updo and sparkling earrings – it would be that extra bit special.

Kathryn Eisman

In the case of the belt that ate the dress, Kathryn is Exhibit A. I put it to the court, that on the alleged night, Kathryn, the suspect, went to her wardrobe, pulled out a black caftan, and then without consent of any reputable stylist, BELTED the dress (insert courtroom gasps) with the SILVER REFLECTIVE BELT (insert crying ‘No’s from the courtroom). The people rests its case your Honor.

Marny Kennedy

Okay, don’t lie, this picture freaks you out too right? It’s really bizarre, and it’s nothing to do with the fashion. Very girlie, and simple but it’s not the dress, that’s got me hooked. It’s completely weird and I checked all other pictures to make sure it wasn’t just me, but nope, it’s Marny. Her head is seriously two times too big for her body. I’m not trying to be mean but it’s the only think I can think of when I see this picture. I feel like I’ve wandered into a modern day fashion parade from Munchkin Land.

Pippa Black

Pippa has never been renowned for her fashion sense. In fact, she seems to be fighting against good fashion on constant, war on terror kind of way. Tonight, she wears a dress from the Noni Hazelhurst strain of circus stripes. How anyone in team Black thought this was flattering for a young little starlet in training, I’ll never know.

Sara Groen

This could really go either way, it’s the definitive line ball decision. On one hand, it’s a cute cut, summer dress with hot shoes and a great fresh hair style to match. On the other, its Grandma’s bedspread recycled with pearls thrown in for good measure. You call it, however you see it?

Sophie Monk

The hairstyle screams ‘my stylist completely f***ed up what I asked for so in the last 5 minutes I’ve had to wash my hair back and pin into some Tara Reid slick do.’ The eye make up screams ‘I partied really late last night and had to use three layers of black liquid eyeliner to cover up’ and the shoes scream ‘Misstress of Pain’s special priced hour sessions now on sale.’ Everything else is getting drowned out by all the screaming.

Tania Zaetta

Someone, preferably not me, needs to sit down with Tania and have a serious chat about why stripes in her hair are awful and make everyone laugh. While they are chatting, could they also mention the Espirit mid 90’s top needs to be into the recycle bin. Feel free to submit your resume for consideration to chat with Tania, I’ll pass them along to her agent.

The Banas

I’m love with both of these people. Eric, firstly, cause damn that’s a fine piece of moody, broody, yet down to earth loveliness. And Mrs Bana, because she always seems stunningly girl next door. She’s never out there selling Eric’s stories, she’s just raising those kiddies, looking amazing and wearing exquisite dresses when required. And The Banas, because they seem genuinely happy together and honest and I could imagine them being great movie couple buddies. So Banas, give me a call, I’m free most nights but prefer Tuesday’s cause I’m cheap.

Ajay Rochester

Look, it’s not brilliant but it’s actually pretty okay. And yes, you don’t want to hear that on your big night, you look okay, I think Ajay should take it as a compliment. I feel like Network Ten stylists have in the past few weeks extended the arm of friendship to Ajay and offered her a few nice dresses, this may or may not have something to do with Biggest Loser currently filming. I like to think Network stylists were being nice, but then I think Idol and those clothes.

Antonia Kidman

The Kidman sisters are funny bunch and not as in hysterical sitting around the table discussing the emotional repercussions of Martha not interrupting Jack’s wedding on Home & Away with a bottle of wine and then becoming increasingly excited about High School Musical 2 – my house is fun! They strike me as severe, chilly, frosty, polite private school girl giggling behind hands over mouths. I feel this comes across in their fashion sense as well and all I want to say is lighten up – and maybe eat a donut.

Bianca Dye

Lordy be! Firstly, and fore mostly, does Bianca Dye not owe a bra? Or is she a really strongly minded, fight for everyone feminist? If that’s the score, then so be it. But alas, I feel it’s just Dye-rs has real trouble finding a dress that she likes that also has room and availability for a bra. They do existing B-Dye, search high and low but you’ll find it. Also, while searching, maybe steer well clear, like not even same suburb as the colour yellow!

Jennifer Peers

People often remark how flattering wrap dresses are, how becoming and ladylike and very good for the figure. And sure, most of the time, this is true. However, when said wrap dress is kiwi fruit green with lovely dust ruffle as a collar, the above compliments are completely void.

Jordan Lukas

Firstly, does anyone else see the young Seventh Heaven Jessica Biel similarity here? Like Jordan could absolutely play Jessie in a telemovie about her days on the religious soap. Take That Rev. Camden: Sticking it to Aaron Spelling By Posing for Playboy, it would be called and I know at least three people who would watch. In other news, the shoes totally don’t match and belong somewhere else, probably Kings Cross.

Kate Ritchie

I feel like last summer was Kate Ritchie’s moment. There was actual genuine anticipation about her possible character death, her fashion sense was also creating excitement and sure nobody likes a nasty split, but it gave her celeb breakup cred. Now, the fashion’s gone, the stupid ending to this season of H&A and she’s probably happy with a new boy. As a way to celebrate her move to radio, I might buy her a steamer, she seems to need it – crinkles be gone!

Kate Waterhouse

It’s like Kate Ritchie has (I think unwillingly) passed the baton of local Aussie fashionista to Kate Waterhouse. And this is big for me, because I was a ice cube when it came to Kate W, cool and chilling. Colour me surprised because I’ve completely melted – Kate looks hot here and the whole outfits is unique, not bought of a Sportsgirl rack at the local mall and completely flatters her sky high long legs. Keep rocking it Kate and you I could be besties.

Sarah Jane Clarke

I’m sure you’ve seen this photo by now, but I think it needs revisiting. If only to prepare for Halloween next year or that 80’s party sure to happen. Objectively, David Beckham’s in town, big soiree with everyone desperate to meet Golden Balls and you’ve scored an invite. Good on you. So why then, would you put on this outfit and think, I’m going to rock it. I’m actually picturing SJ sitting on the edge of her bed, rolling on her silver socks and at that very moment, right at that very moment – what is she thinking, what?

Stephanie Brantz

See it’s all good and okay and everyone is fine and dandy until Steph buys a dress that looks like a Dalmatian pooped on the front, or she possibly spilt a bit of soy sauce. I can’t tell if maybe the big black oil spill is supposed to be something but that’s my point, if it doesn’t come across on photographs and that’s half the reason you buy the dress!

Virginia Gay

Oh dear Ginnie! Like Tiffani Wood-ster I sense we’re going to have long, long road to travel towards fashion forwardness. We took steps at Spring Carnival but back in your natural habit of Sydney, you seem to revert to form. The form of mismatching colours, fabrics and unflattering fashion…yeah let’s work together Ginnie, let’s move forward.