The Harsh Light of Day

Abbie Cornish

We’ve said being a tainted woman is difficult, and that convincing people you had nothing to do with the break up of America’s sweethearts is hard, but dear Abbie, there comes a time when you have to get control, and reclaim your mantle as the next Aussie IT girl. Don’t go into reclusive hiding and become Winona Ryder, the Saks Fifth Avenue what’s in your shopping bag era.


Antonia Kidman

You know that nightmare you have when you date the bad boy at school, and when you walk into the room everyone is whispering, and you know, you just know, that they are talking about you. Well take a moment to feel for the Kidman ladies, both suffering from bad boy itis. Antonia says hey, fine talk about me, talk about my boy but check me out in my velvet hotness of a dress.


Bessie Bardot

Yes, people may feel I am awfully harsh with Bessie, but really, why can’t I be? She doesn’t really have any claim to fame, one that I can discern anyway, and she seems to just show up to everything, like everything. And that would be well and good, if she turned up looking good but Bessie seems to go out of her way to not dress well. Who decides that to the MTV Music Awards, where international celebs are rocking the carpet, that you would think a denim dress is appropriate. Denim dresses are only appropriate for bail hearings of ex de facto lovers.


Courtney Act

Okay, it’s time to pack up the bongos Courtney and either join the cast of Priscilla or just give up the ghost. It’s getting silly. Yes, you were funny on Idol, five years ago, but that time has come and gone and a man who can dress like a woman isn’t that impressive any more. We’ve got both NRL and AFL Footy Show panellists to do that for us. Tonight, you seem to be channelling a demented Toni Basil, and while I, more than most enjoy a great rendition of Mickey, tonight you are not so fine.


Charlie Brown

Would you buy clothes from this woman? This is an actually question. It would be like going to the doctor and having them cough blood, vomit in the rubbish bin, wipe snot on their sleeve and then attempt to make you feel better. My only explanation is that Charlie lost a Biggest Loser amount of weight in a small amount of time and didn’t have time to replace the wardrobe. Even then though, green satin and tiger print…Charlie, really?


Dean Geyer

The Hillsong Church’s Recruitment 07 drive got off to a great start. With Dean Geyer as spokeman and his ladies of mercy and mission to ‘assist’ anything was possible.


David Graham & Claire Madden

A standard, standard Big Brother appearance. Tan, tits and a hint of gayness. Claire re-introduces herself to the cameras with her ladies out for the evening, loud and proud. She’s a pretty girl but you have to wonder why one decides fellow housemate Crystal is your fashion icon? David is David, and he’s sticking to it, which is great consistency but really very boring.


Dita Von Teese

Dear Dita,

You are so lovely and elegant and ladylike. You’ve turned being a Burlesque dancer into a credible celebrity fashion option. You’re impeccably dressed today and as your sponsors dictates, your make up is flawless. Thanks for coming to Australia, hope you like it here.

Best,
Lady Harsh

PS – you sound very normal in all interviews, so anytime you want to drop me a line and explain the whole Marilyn Manson thing, that would be awesome.


Erica Baxter

It’s such a line ball decision here with Erica. In one respect, it’s kinda cool, rocky edgy rock’n’roll and it is the MTV Music Awards, so pay that. But then the top half looks like she rolled in gravel, and then used tarpaulin as the bottom half. And because she looks like the limo just dropped her off at a cement factory, I’m leaning towards the latter.


Erin McNaught

She’s my favourite whipping girl but boy she rises to the challenge every week. Just imagine, standing in front of the mirror at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon in Sydney, and looking back and seeing that reflection. Would you be happy? Or would you think that you’d better hurry to rehearsals for the Surry Hills local production of Fame?


Daytime Fregie vs Nighttime Fergie

Like the Barbie doll we all dressed, Fergie arrived in Australia and gave us good and bad. Daytime Fergie obviously had a monster long flight and felt that the best way to slide past the paparazzi was to maybe, dress like Mary Kate Olsen. Night Time Fergie puts on a run for a David Jones spokes model position, but does so very, very, very nicely so I’ll forgive her. But maybe she could have brought Josh Duhmael with her?

Girlband

With almost the stupidest name in Australian pop music, these girls are fighting an uphill battle. They are however determined that if Young Divas, with an equally stupid name are going to self implode then damnit, they will be there to pick up the pieces. They of course, are ticking every latest Cosmo pages fashion trend boxes in the marketing lead ploy to capture the youth market and sure they look fine, but in the end, it just smells of ‘please like me, please oh please, and by my record!’


Jodi Gordon

God I just love her! She just looks beautiful, and I can’t seem to find any long shot of the dress but I’m sure it’s good. Jodi strikes me as some one who is very aware of her best assets and how to utitlise them, very aware of what looks good on her, what makes her shine. I would like to nominate Jodi to commence pre-Logie dress courses for all starlets, I myself would also like to attend, just to shine in her brightness.


Kathryn Eisman

Kathryn is putting forward an early contender for the Australian swim team’s warm up outfits for Beijing 08. Not sure that Leisel Jones would love the heels, and the handbag wouldn’t really hold the cap and goggles but still valid attempt Kathryn to get the contract.


Laura Csortan

Once upon time Laura and I shared a love of good fashion, a love of fine clothes and unique self styled dressing. Laura has lost that loving feeling and followed the Supre Fashion Pack. Laura - a word please: wearing fishnets, having dark dirty blonde roots and sporting an AC/DC cheap $5 market t-shirt doesn’t make you a rock star. It just makes you sad.


Lisa Mitchell

Of course, the barrage of last year’s Idol’s couldn’t be that far off and here, Lisa heralds the new gaggle. Unfortunately Lisa doesn’t start proceedings off very well. Young, yes; slightly talented, yes but dressing like a recently freed nun, no. I know Lisa, our parents want to protect us from all things nasty but sometimes, it’s not good to let mum dress you, sometimes her ideas and your ideas are allowed to be different.


Megan Gale

This is what I call rock star dressing. Lots of black, leather, dark eyes, and edgy attitude. However, Megsy, next time, you might want to invest in some sockets because the grey woollies sticking over the top of the boots aren’t so rock’n’roll, more bed socks for later.


Natalie Bassingthwaite

It’s actually quiet scary to look at Nat now, she’s verging on outdoing Courtney Act in this whole cross dressing thing. I can see one part of it as edgy, rocker. But really, it’s just getting more and more bizarre and further aware from what we liked about Nat/Izzy. Tonight, she looks like she’s Miss Muffet, with something pretty big up her tuffet.


Nicole Richie

In a very environmentally friendly outfit Nicole shows us all how to pitch in. Wear the latest in coloured insulation dressing and you too can warm that size zero body and also fool all those who believe you haven’t eaten in days. For the latest colours and designs be sure to pop into Bunnings Warehouse.


Pink

You have to love a girl who rocks a beautiful white lacy dress with tatts and a spiky peroxide Mohawk. And while most of the time I’m so anti tatts as they ruin a good dress, Pink has the hola and attitude to do it, imitators forget it. This is sass personified.


Stephanie McIntosh

I can’t... I can’t quite... I just can’t believe it. I was just the other day wondering where Steph had gotten too. Last time we met, she was attempting to wear cowboy boots as evening heels and I may have been angry. But if this is how angry Steph reacts then by God Steph, stay angry. Your playing the assets game so well. Legs, lovely hair and hiding of the hips and cleavage area which has troubled you so in the past. Oh Steph, I’m so proud, let’s just hope you hold it together for the Logies, you know you can do it!

Nameless Girl

In my top notch journalistic skills, I’ve completely forgotten this girl’s name. It’s all the new wannabe Big Brother contestants, their over tanned ‘no seriously, I’m a smart DD blonde lawyer’ voices are ringing in my head. Still, my attention was captured by Nameless Girl, and not in a good way. Stripes are good, they can look lovely on bedspreads, and classic pin striped suit is always delightful - especially on my bedroom floor. A mash-up of stripes with shorts however is not good, nowhere near good. You only look like a misguided crossword puzzle. And those things are hard enough.


Belinda Mathison

Proving the old saying that a miss is as good as a mile, Belinda starts off just missing then looking closer, you realise, that no, actually she missed by a hell of a lot. Like an MCG length. Firstly, the dress isn’t flattering to her shape and size, and that’s just her breasts. The ruffled shimmy leg just screams Dancing with the Stars and entire outfit is brought crashing down with the black shoes. The only excuse for the black shoes is that she broke her heel and her kind publicist passed hers over. If so, sorry Bel, totally forgiven, if not – well, naughty corner for you.


Colette Dinnigan

I’m beginning to feel really sorry for Colette. She must be so, so, so, so, super ass busy. The woman obviously never has time to change. She’s stuck in a constant state of fashion black. Colette, I admire the dedication to the one trend, I think it shows a level of commitment some were to afraid to embrace (Richard). But feel free, anytime you like, to break out a colour, or two. Maybe next week ease into it with a grey or charcoal.


Erin McNaught

No matter how hard Erin tries to be Jennifer, it’s just not going to work. Firstly, I’m not a huge Erin fan, let’s just put that out there. But it’s my blog and I’ll critique if I want too. With Erin, it still reeks of trying way too hard. This outfit could be renamed ‘The Devil’s in the Details’, because while the whole ensemble is perfectly okay in a Libra Fluer Tampon ad from 1986, I find the chain mail necklace off putting. And the awful lobe stud is so tarty! Sorry Erin but it is – and from a distance it just looks like your ear wax sparkles, which is pretty gross!


Holly Brisley

See as Robin from Pussycat Dolls tells us through her magically inflated lips ‘It’s all in the attitude and creativity!’ (nothing at all to do with the giant set each girl carries, or the cart load of makeup or the lack of clothing). Holly has clearly decided when she got out of bed, that she wanted to spend Wednesday being a rock star. Maybe she’s excited that Pink’s in town, who knows. The problem being Holly, you’re not a Rock Star, you’re an actor on Home & Away. I’m all for dressing for the job you want but there is also reality. So next time, get that top that fits, wash your hair and take off the aviators and it could all be a different tune.


Kimberely Davies

A tale of two bodies,
So tragically torn apart
Raised in different worlds
But from the same heart

One saw things anew
A saucy stripper in heels
Whose scant clothing
Told all how she feels

The other was the shy type
A jumper to hide her pain
The scarf kept her warm
Against the wind and the rain

Then one day, the two did meet
And were snapped together like so
And people were very confused
Was this a nun or a ho?


Laura Csortan

Today this site is sponsored by the Almost There Society – where everything is just one step away from being good. Laura is their patron and here demonstrates the latest from their fashion line. A beautiful lunchtime demure dress, with soft and natural hair, ruined by clunky heavy black boots that dominate not just Laura, but the room itself. For the imperfect price $4.76, you too can join the Almost There Society. The monthly newsletter is stunning but you’ll never see it, it will get sent to the wrong address.


Leisel Jones

See Leisel, the one awesome part of being a sporting celebrity is that a by product of your profession is an amazing body. It means you can wear sexy dress and people will admire your cut back. I know the Australian swimming team has recently taken to doing everything in marquees, however Leisel, there is no need to wear one. Also points deduced for white shoes on the boyfriend. Only Australian Idol contestants.


Susie Porter

OH MY GOD! Susie Porter looks good! Damn it, I’m upgrading her, she looks FINE!!! (Yes, ignore the shoes, just don’t look, I SAID, don’t look!) There’s no red beanie in sight, her hair is brushed and flattering and the dress is lovely and sexy and classy and elegant and not an eyesore. And her makeup is demure and lovely (Stop looking at the shoes, you’ll only make yourself sad – just think of her as footless! DO IT!!)


Tamsin Carroll

See, if you’d asked me what Susie Porter would normally wear to an event, I’d tell you – this little number is a Suz style. Tamsin, I’m sure it was a good idea at the time but a mirror is good thing, let it be your friend. If you’d looked in the mirror you would have seen the dress colouring was all wrong for you. It makes the green colour like off avocado and the paleness of your skin the white fridge in which it sits. You’ve obviously tried to compensate with theatre coloured make up. Blush is good, clown cheeks are not. Lots to be learnt Tamsin, lots; maybe catch up with Susie about the long road back from being Harshed.

Courtney Act & Bessie Bardot

I know, I know, I know, you can’t actually see what either Courtney or Bessie are wearing but that’s not the point. You may ask why Courtney and Bessie are on a panel together? Feminist themes in contemporary fiction of Austen? The Frank Gehry effect on American architecture and its global reflections? The modern charity giver’s choices with their investment dollars and the third world ripple? No my friends, Court and Bess were judges at a fashion show – yes, these two …um…ladies. Miss Tic Tac Necklace and White Afro. It’s so wrong, it’s like Mother Theresa being a guest judge on Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll.


Bianca Dye

I wanna like it, I really do because thinking back, I haven’t been very kind to Ms Dye here. I’m sure she’s lovely, really, I’m sure she’s a regular hoot. But she does have little problem dressing, specifically today the accessories. While the dress is actually quite okay, it really has nothing to do with the handbag and flapper headband from last seasons Sass + Bide catwalk.


Deni Hines & Peter Garrett

Peter: Really?
Deni: Yes, I totally am.
Peter: I don’t think so.
Deni: No, seriously, haven’t you seen my expert comments on 20 to 1.
Peter: Yeah, but have you ever recorded anything?
Deni: YES!
Peter: Oh wait, are you the person from Big Brother, the year it was really boring?
Deni: NO, that was Trevor and he was GUY!
Peter: Sorry I just can’t place you.
Deni: That word, say clear now…L O V E.
Peter: That’s a song by Nat King Cole.
Deni: No, that's just LOVE. The Rockmelons and I recorded another song like that.
Peter: Nup, sorry drawing a blank.
Deni: cia…ines.
Peter: What is, park ya Heinz?
Deni: Marcia Hines.
Peter: Yeah?
Deni: I’m her daughter! Damn it, I’m Marcia Hines daughter.
Peter: Oh, well nice to meet you Penny.


Elle McPherson

While Elle looks very Barbados-come-back-to-my-retreat-and-hang-out-by-the-pool-how-do-you- like-your-Mojito-cool, I can’t help but see this as a declaration of local lingerie turf war between the reigning queen and mastermind of celebrity business acumen, and the new kid on the block, whose is twenty years younger and already captured the elusive boys-want-to-shag-girls-want-to-be-her market. It’s a crowded little market with Meggie Gale also waging a campaign, so Elle you better come prepared for battle. And also maybe a hairdresser, a colourist for those roots and make up artist next time.


Giaan Rooney

Well Giaan’s impressing the pants off me at the moment! Her debut here at Harsh Light was a tragedy. And like the good ex-sports star she is, she listened to advice, went away and trained her little behind off and re-presented herself on the circuit, improved and ready for the competition. This dress is uniquely beautiful and there is no way just anyone could carry it off, and there Giaan is your gold medal. When you stop dressing for anyone, and start dressing as someone, well, you know you’ve arrived.


Gai Waterhouse

There are pros and cons, and Gai’s a busy woman, so let’s break it down quickly for her.

Pros: The boots rock and are fantastic introduction to autumn.
The suit, while a little boring, is perfect work day attire and let’s not forget, you are there to work.
Cons: When your hat obscures your view so much that you have to walk with your head tilted upwards, it may be time to rethink a few things.


Jennifer Hawkins

Holy Jesus! The skirmishs are being fought all over town with Elle around and Meggie fronting up now and then but with one graceful appearance J-Hawk smacks them down. Tell me, male, female, small children and animals that have learnt how to use the computer (like the tricky Optus animals who attended pub trivia nights), that you would not like to wake up looking like that. With those legs and those shoes and that light non orange tan and with the tricky yet beautiful, side plait ponytail. Sigh of jealousy.


Karen Tso

It actually could have been nice, it really could have been but the black heavy lattice work up Karen’s arms makes me think she’s picked up some rare African arm mauling disease. The black oppressiveness continues with the shoulder panels (is she enlisting is the Fashion Special Forces?), and the totally unnecessary pillbox hat. I know black is the new black, but sometimes Karen, sometimes it’s not.


Kate Waterhouse

Wow, there’s a lot going on here. Statement hat, paired with statement dress and court shoes. Each item on it’s own may have stood a chance but together they are a giant colour explosion of bad. (Although, secretly, the dress never would have a stood a chance, the bottom half looks my bath mat and top half looks to have lost it’s way from another dress).


Laura Csortan

You know, there’s wearing a sexy revealing top that hints at something more. There’s wearing a lacy number that suggests at something with the allure of sexiness. Then Laura, there is just looking like you forgot your undertop. Seriously, Laura, do you realise that you’ve just got a bra on? Like just your bra with a spider web?


Lisa Oldfield

I guess if you were trying to convince the nation, that your husband vastly traded up from his tiger print wearing political puppet to a classy, elegant day time hostess, that dressing like a 50’s school matron at the Athletics day would be appropriate. Still, Lisa, she was wearing tiger print in blue, you don’t have to try that hard to make us think he upgraded.


Natalie Bassingthwaite

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ll be thrilled to know, absolutely thrilled to know that Barbie and Rockers have reformed and tickets for the national tour are on sale this Monday!


Olivia Newton-John

My EYES! My EYES! A single tear is drifting slowly down my cheek as I realise that Sandy, yes my Sandy is now gone. Livvy, what have you done? What have you done? I only say to Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts and Kylie Minogue, let this be a lesson. While Julian McMahon may make plastic surgery look sexy and glamorous – oh no, it’s not.

Oh Sandy baby, can’t you see I’m in misery. I sit and wonder whyeeeeeee, oh why you left me, oh Sandy!!!

Anneleise Brakensaiek

No, no, no Anneleise, don’t be proud. There is nothing to be proud about with this outfit. From the sack like shape to the belt it cause don't we belt everything, it’s all wrong. The bottom fringe looks like my vacuum cleaner head, full of fluff and crap.


Bessie Bardot

On a closer inspection of this outfit, you will realise it’s a dress. However, the fleeting glance offers you the unique option of seeing Bessie, as Aladdin, the street urchin set to rescue Princess Jasmine. What a whole new world Bessie brings to us each week here at Harsh Light.


Bianca Dye

The plus for Bianca was that she was the first photo I saw from Camilla Franks book launch and I originally believed that it was some dress up, theme event. Like 70’s pimp diva. Looking at the rest of the attending however, made me realise that no, Bianca just felt fashion is dressing like a 70’s pimp diva. Definitely a new way to go.


Christine Anu

On the night it rained caftan’s, it cemented, like a Moran in blocks at the bottom of the Yarra, how terrible this pox is. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, show me a single person who looks good in them, one single person and I’ll wear one to work for a week straight! Christine suffers from the stripper lace up effect. Let’s hope the rope holds!


Camilla Franks

Here’s the devil who we can thank for this awful experience! She started it, she obviously demanded half of the guests at the party wear it, damn it! Camilla, honestly, just between you and me, can you tell me that when you look in the mirror, you don’t think a florakeet just threw up on you?


Deni Hines

Deni, it’s about the attending everything, thing you’ve got going on. It must be tough having your mum be cooler than you are, and for like five seconds in the early nineties, you and the Rockmelons almost stole the show. But Deni, you can’t just keep turning up to shit and not expect people to start asking what you’re actually up to? What are you actually up to?


Jane Ferguson

It’s quite repetitive, all these caftan’s after another. SEE CAMILLA how ANNOYING it is. I think worst in the caftan goes to Jane, who makes to look awful. Just plain old awful. And this ladies and gents is the woman who proceeds to lecture the Aussie Princesses for being uncouth. Well Jane, glass houses my friend, glass houses.


Johanna Griggs

I never knew Parent Teacher night attracted paparazzi but clearly, I am mistaken. Joey, I know fringes are very big now and people are growing them faster than greased lightening but not everyone can rock the fringe, and I think we’ve learnt from this outfit, that you can’t either.


Jaynie Seal

Some one once said to me, in effort to be nice, that I would make the perfect saucy English bar maid in a TV series. After I finished my open handed slap across his face, I thought it may have had something to do with the ruffling around my cleavage. Well, Mr Polite, I think I found my successor! She even brings her own hat!

Laura Csortan

I think Laura has joined the over 30’s female Channel Seven gym. Other members include Naomi Robson and Sonia Kruger. Pinned on their locker doors is Madonna and her biceps, they pump enough iron to scare the crap out of Kochie and have Grant Deyer running in fear, and they eat thin Saladas with a glass of water for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Megan Gale

I think the pressure of the J-Hawk vs Meggie G retailer throw down is getting to Megs. This is a couple of weeks running now that we’ve seen very questionable dressing from Megs. This outfit takes me back to the Xena Warrior Princess days; days of a hero with breast plates. I’m all for women empowerment but maybe Megs, just attend a charity function. Don’t wear your message. It might be a bit hard for the lesser fashionistas to grasp.


Michelle Walsh

You know, there’s going to the races and dressing in the spirit of the day. Dressing to pay homage to the location and those competing and offer your support through fashion. Then there’s being mistaken for a jockey.


Rachael Carpani

Why so sad Rachael? Yes, you did just blow up with your newly engaged honey on McLeod’s. And yes, you now have to prove this whole acting thing by going to LA, and look at how Toni Pearen did there, but come on. You look very cute at the Logies nominees announcement (excitement is building). It’s a sassy little day time number and you’ve definitely got that girl next door thing working, so cheer up! I’m sure it will all be fine and dandy.

Tali J

Tali, I know you’re trying to be helpful, and that’s really sweet, I do appreciate the help, especially with the big events coming, but really honey, let’s just leave the commenting to me, shall we?