The Harsh Light of Day

Amy Matthews

Apparently rumour has Amy is on Home and Away. Well colour me shocked because she looks like having just escaped the set of Brides of Christ 2: Back to the Convent. I’m mean white shoes with black tights …REALLY? The only and I mean only good note, Amy does have her ticket ready and waiting to attend the night’s proceedings. A little order and organisation never hurt anyone.


Bella & Evan

You know how animal print is coming back in and everyone seems to be wearing it? Well, poor Bella dear got a little confused and just heard animal. It’s only the explanation for her wearing an actual animal out in public. Evan is unfortunately guilty by association.


Catriona Rowntree

Great work here, the grey dress with appropriate ribbon accentuates Cat’s curviness and doesn’t make her look like a Christmas present bursting at the seams. The pearls are a touch of class that say to the cocaine stupefied models backstage ‘I’m a celebrity, I brought my own supply.’ Maybe a quick flush of bronzer on the face but minor…


Emily Barclay

I can’t tell you who Emily is or what she’s been in, I have no idea who the man next to her is and frankly I don’t care. What sends me crazy is the theft! Yes, theft my friends – Emily has stolen Danny De Vito’s Penguin costume from the Batman 2 set and clearly has been saving it for this special occasion. Well Emily, I don’t condone theft or hideous fashion sense so you get a nasty stare from me!


Erica Baxter

Clearly the break up with Jamie was harder on Erica than first imagined. Yes, she is back stage getting ready for the catwalk but why, oh why would you let yourself get photographed looking that? Post break up, you must look unobtainable and hot for at least six months and Erica you’re a model – there’s good stuff to work with but you’ve squandered it and now Jamie is buying more Casinos in Asia and you are distant fleeting memory.




Erika H & Isabel

A tale of two girls who both seem to suffer a tragic disease. Struck down in their prime with opportunities flooding in both exhibited strong symptoms and friends could only watch in horror as the disease took hold. Sadly, it seems to be terminal. Inappropriate-revolting-dressitis is rare and seemly incurable affliction and we ask you pray for Erika and Isabel on their tough journey ahead.

PS Isabel why don’t you go to a recovery program? I’ll mind Chris for you.





Heidi M

No Sass to back up the Bide and look what happens? In all the mad designer lifestyle rushing she’s popped out of the house with her ballet shoes on and thought…stuff it, I’ll just slide the stilettos over…no one will notice. Sorry Heidi, we noticed.


Indiana

Oh Indy, it was all going so well. Fashion black…loving it...beautiful straight hair…sexy…funky pockets in dress…so hip…cute red handbag …making a statement, you go girl and then…like Jaws at the beach, you put on your feet the most nanna, Queen Elizabeth tea and scones shoes! Why Indy, why?


Klimmy, the Princess and Thorpie

I’m so sorry Mr. Klim and Your Highness, it’s not your fault at all. You were probably on the couch minding your own funky, just married business when a squeal was heard across the room, ‘Oh Michael!’ I bet he just sat down and launched into his life and what he’s been up to, how he would have aced the Comm Games. Well Thorpie, I say on behalf of Michael and his lovely wife, move away. Your tarnishing them with your mesh top and sockless shoes (hasn’t mum done the washing yet? Mine either). Also Thorpie just a bit of a beauty tip – wear sunscreen, it helps for nights like this when you start wondering why people are humming Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer as you walk by.


Paulini

Dicko said it, we all thought it. And Australia was outraged. Modern healthy women, blah, blah, overweight, blah. Well clearly Paulini has a crappy memory cause here she is again stuffing things into dresses that don’t fit that way. You know Paulini – when the buttons start to pop, stop. It’s my personal motto and it’s seen me through life pretty well so far.


Pia Miranda

What a beautiful little creature. And she’s so tiny I can say that, cause Pia and I are like that. But she’s perfectly attired for front row attendance. A lacy top that screams ‘I know my way around a vintage market’ paired with ‘but I’m still an Aussie girl at heart’ jeans. Side swept hair with a touch of colour to the lips for sophistication. Pia should give masterclass to every Neighbours actress under the age of 21.


Sandra Sully

It’s tough being a newsreader I’m guessing because everyone expects you to be serious all the time and I bet Sandra has hidden in that wardrobe of hers some pretty wacky outfits - she just waiting to bust them out. This is simple and nice and elegant, the coat giving it a nice day wear feel, still I’m left with the feeling it could be so much more…much like her banter with Ryan Phelan at the news desk.


Stephanie Rice

The case of the semi-attractive sports star strikes again. Anytime an Australian female sports star wins something, marketers everywhere check out how well she will photograph. Sorry Libby Lenton and Leisel Jones, while you may have won more gold…Stephanie Rice has been crowned hottest gold winner and therefore gets to attend all fashion shows. But then the sports-celebs get there and turn up in outfits like this. A poorly fitting dead animal dress that has a day job as a Gold Coast wife’s sun dress. Stephanie pop the bathers and cap back on, pronto.


Sybilla Budd

You can almost, and I say almost see how Sybilla thought she looked good in this. I’m here to deliver the bad news Syb – you don’t. Did you suddenly get half way out the door and realise you might be cold, and just grab the nearest cardie? In truth I would want to put anything I could over this Heinz Baked Beans coloured dress so I understand. Also, I’m sorry to do this to you but: cankle warning, cankle warning.

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Next week - the dramatic finale to fashion week madness and we visit news and current affairs team in court, not my fashion court dammit but the actual thing.