The Harsh Light of Day

Ada Nico (no one can pronounce it so why not shorten it – just a suggestion?)
Little Ada didn’t fair too badly. The top half is almost ruined by the bottom over frilling but just don’t look down…DON’T.

It’s just Ada…you need to find a fake tan that’s more realistic. It’s April, it’s Melbourne and yes while you’re an interstate guest, I think it’s entirely appropriate to respect the state you’re in and be white like the rest of us.



Andy G
Just stop it Andy G, stop. We know you think you are far cooler than James Mathison (you’re not), you’re trying to out metro-sexual Ryan Seacrest (you can’t - he’s GAY) and you’ve practically stolen Olivia Newton John’s hair circa Xandu era.

And for those whose eye sight is poor…that suit is polka dots! I’m not joking but maybe Andy G is.



Anthony from Australian Idol

We know you’re Italian and you actually sang a really nice rendition of The Prayer that almost won you the whole shebang. My issues are this: singing in Italian and meeting Pavarotti doesn’t give you the right to scarf it up…next thing I know you’ll pull out a hanky and wipe your brow.

Secondly, stop singing The Prayer at every semi tragic event – from Carols to Tsunami’s, next thing I’m going to turn on the TV and there outside the Beaconsfield mine, you’ll be belting it out – right next to Tracy Grimshaw and Naomi Robson.

Bec and Lleyton
Look, Mini Mia dress aside, I have to swallow my pride and admit that they both look pretty damn good. She hasn’t gone overboard on the tan, he’s lost the stringy hair and they match. Posh and Becks of Australia they may be but credit where credit is due. Obviously this all gets ruined the moment either one of them utters a word but just look.

The Biggest Losers
YAY!!! Look how happy and excited they are to be thin. And Fiona looks fantastic – a well chosen dress with colours that assist rather than hinder. I’m ignoring the white stitching on Adro’s shoes – he doesn’t know better. Wal looks like he’s heading out for job interview but the after party was probably a bit of that anyway.

My one concern is: did they cop any flack from pissy waiters who wouldn’t serve them their desserts because it would affect next week’s weigh in?

Lara Bingle

You know when you say to your hairdresser, I want my hair to match my dress. This is what happens. Pointy hair meets pointy dress.

And in fact the dress is a boring ho-hum shapeless copy of Kate Ritchie’s dress. This is the hot girl in the bikini marching up the beach demanding where the bloody hell I am? Where the bloody hell is your stylist, is what I’m asking right back?

Bridie Carter
Poor Bridie, she’s Australia farm sweet heart. We all heaved a big sigh of relief when Nick came back and we’re glad she’s off to Argentina but Bridie leaves behind a trail of misses on the red carpet and never a hit.

It’s just never quite right, the sparkly boob area isn’t quite straight, the length is just a tad too long – making it resemble a nicely coloured lamp shade.

I love you Bridie I really do, but you are some one who looks great in denim and work boots.

Carla McGuire
Carla …no!! You normally always, always get it right and this year it’s just off. It’s the shape dear Carla, its how does one say it…it’s a sack.

Colour is lovely, the general design is lovely but have you got stuck into those Krispy Kremes in Sydney? It’s probably all the stress from moving. Are those Sydney socialites being nasty to you? Come back to Melbourne Carla, your fashion sense is waiting for you at Baggage Carousel Three.

Cathy Freeman
Yeah, Cathy I’d be sticking my head out like that too if I’d stolen the velvet covering to a couch from the 1970’s from the local St. Vinnie’s.

See that guy darting past you, that’s your agent trying to find an extra piece of red carpet to cover you with.

Dan (who cares what the rest of his name is)
That men is how it’s done! And yes, there’s no tie but screw it – that’s just going to get in the way of taking his clothes off.

Seriously – it’s called classic for a reason.

He really is Australia’s answer to Josh Duhamel. Not especially talented but oh, so very, very fine to look at!

Erika H (something exotic sounding)
She’s gorgeous girl, beautiful skin and fantastic hair but why did she feel it necessary to wear a nightie? And to prove that yes, it is a nightie, look at the bottom – it’s all crushed like she just got out of bed.

She’s also in this image just figured out the mistake – notice the bag attempting to cover aforementioned crushing. Sadly, Erika it’s all too late.

Georgie Parker
Everyone can relax, Georgie hasn’t made a fashion mistake here. It’s very clear what’s gone on. On the way to the Logies she’s dashed into the Alfred, assisted on some emergency procedures and obviously got tangled up with scalpel. Fashion victim no, Good Samaritan yes.

Giaan Rooney
See this is what happens when sports stars become faux celebrities. They forget they spent most of their previous life in trackies and bathers and think the fashion gods also blessed them with the same luck as their physical prowess.

Giaan unfortunately fell into the stripper barrel at Spotlight and tumbled out in this. The only saving grace is its length.

Hughesy and his girl
Yeah and the paparazzi aren’t going to think that she might be pregnant with a gesture like that? Why are they both slouching – it’s not like either of them are short.

These two make a lovely little couple but aren’t they a bit lost? Shouldn’t they be in the birdcage at Flemington?

Soapie Starlet Battle

Home and Away

Without help from either boys – brush your hair and shave fellas, you don’t have much to do, so do it well.

However ladies, especially the two in white bravo! Sharni, the colourful popette needs to have her membership to the tanning beds revoked immediately. Excellent work to Miss. Peep Toe shoes, dress style and fit are perfect. Jodi G – a unique and daring dress and interesting tied back hairstyle but with those smoky eyes – you look young, fresh and hip.

Neighbours

Everybody needs good Neighbours…and also a stylist. Clearly Network Ten bought too much satin and needed to offload it quickly.

It’s all very ho-hum standard starlet soapie wear – your Home and Away competitors showed fresh funky fashion while this is Year 10 formal.

And you peachy, on the end, don’t know your name but this is a bridesmaid dress – you’re at the wrong event.

Young Divas

This makes me cry and not in a good way. So many, many, many mistakes! Like a police line-up, let’s go left to right – Kate, is wearing a black dolie that is for some one a size down. Emily, the auditions for the Queen – We Will Rock You show are over…Ben Elton is not impressed. Paulini its fine if you want wear ruffles but don’t then run your ruffley hair through them and ruin it. And finally, oh lord indeed - Ricki-Lee did any one, ever on Australian Idol say to you ‘You’ve got a killer set of legs.’ I’m going to guess no. This is mutton dressed as lamb and YOU’RE A GOD DAMN LAMB!


Indiana Evans
You can so see why the other Home and Away stars ditched her on the red carpet. I can just imagine the limo conversation.
‘Did you see what Indiana’s wearing?’
‘Oh …my …God. She totally got it from Supre!’
‘Shut up - let’s lose her on the red carpet.’
‘That is a such a hot plan, snaps to you.’

I’m not even going to dignify the Bjork attention seeker in the pink behind Indiana – it will only serve her PR plan.


Isabel Lucas and Chris Hemsworth
Okay, I get you’re attempting to cool and kooky look and Chloe Sevigny is your idol, and yes you’re tiny so crazy shit like this sometimes works but Isabel, sweetie – you look like some one has toilet papered you into a dress.

On the other side of things, I think your boyfriend is mega cute and if you could decide if you’re on or off and let me know, all is forgiven and you look totally hot!

Jessica Rowe
I feel sorry for Jess, I really do. She’s just a happy go lucky girl, who’s been stuck behind a desk for so long and she’s finally set free to the couches of Today and nobody likes her. For being happy – she just can’t catch a break.

She does have lovely little figure and the dress isn’t too bad – thankfully she didn’t stray too far into the animal print. My issue is the hair – have you ever tried to grow it Jess?? The spiky severe look is not helping turn Mel’s sweetie mumsy bob into a distant memory for TV viewers.

Jules Lund
Jules had the chance to be as spunky as the best of them but who ever at Channel Nine convinced him that spray tan and foundation would be okay should be shot. The teeth are crazy white – even from this pissy little photo and I don’t begrudge good dental hygiene but that’s not the case here.

You can try and tell me Jules, that like Charlize Theron that year at the Oscars ‘you’d just been away on beach before the big night’ but you and I and a make up artist from hell, we know different.

Kate Ritchie and Rugby Man Hunk Boyfriend
As many people have commented she looks like a present. Well you deserve it Miss Ritchie, cause you look great. You’ve lost a healthy amount of weight (you should catch up with Fiona from Biggest Loser later) and it’s been a tough year for Sally Fletcher. Almost killed by a stalker, husband dying in tragically soap opera fashion and it’s only you and Alf left in the Bay now. You enjoy yourself as a present – and the beefcake boyfriend on your arm.

Kathleen from Hi Five
It would be dishonest to say I’m shocked by this. I mean really, a knocked up member of Hi Five, was anyone expecting something classy and dignified – no, we weren’t.

In fact, I like to think that the next DVD will come out with a segment on how to make your own Logies dress and this is the one that they’ve prepared earlier. BYO Markers, sequins, butcher’s paper and pipe cleaners.

Kerry Armstrong
For an older lady this isn’t too bad at all. Yes, there’s a little too much cleavage but she does want her pic in the paper. And she’s followed the rules – exposed on top, cover up down low. She’s clearly proud of her efforts here – note the smile – but so she should be.

Kimberley Davies and the cheating scummy bastard husband
I feel for Ms Davies, I do. It’s a low man who will have an affair through two pregnancies and five years of marriage. She shamed him publicly – damn straight – but then she rewards him by putting him on the red carpet with a bunch of smacked out starlets, who hear the phrase ‘I’m a model and doctor’? Why Kim? Has all that hanging upside down on celebrity circus gone to your head?

Or Kimberley’s smarter than I am – keep your friends close and your cheating scummy bastard who spat on the sanctity of marriage husband closer!

Laura Cortsan
This is special. It’s a great colour; you’re standing out from the crowd. You obviously pay your hairdresser well, lovely locks. The neckline is beautiful and the cleavage is there but in a classy and elegant way and the length makes you look super tall. It fits you! Glory be you’ve actually made a great assessment of your shape and size.

Your only fashion error and it’s really not even your fault. The lollipop with the huge ass standing next to you is ruining the shot.

Lisa McCune and hubbie Tim
Lisa – thank god Lisa. Year, after year it’s been tragedy followed by curly haired tragedy. This dress is lovely – a little guest of wedding – but hey it’s you, I’ll mark up. Hubbie scrubs up well too, very matching also but you’re someone who needs to stick closely to the stylist rules.

My only complaint and it is minor. The shoes are a Coles BBQ sandal. Not a Logie Red Carpet stiletto. But as a working mother with many fake Coles children to feed I’ll forgive you.

Livinia Nixon
Poor Livvy, she’s just so nice and sweet and nice and …nice. I feel sorry for her – she’s starting off a severe handicap of wearing stunning gowns every night of the week. She probably spent hours and hours going through Channel Nine wardrobe hoping to find a dress she hadn’t worn. Not bad but not brilliant – I feel like I just killed a puppy. Insulting sweet Livinia just isn’t as fun…although, she clearly mistook the dead pigeon in the street for her handbag in all the pressure.

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Part 2 Tomorrow - The Thrilling Conclusion to How Bad Can It Possibly Get.

Remebering that Stephanie MacIntosh and Tamara Jaber are still to be judge...

# posted by HLOD : 5:59 PM