The Harsh Light of Day

Anna – Big Brother

I feel sorry for the poor Zebra that must have been tragically killed to make this …I can’t even explain what it is...picnic rug? Anna’s breasts are also crying out in the protest at being so poorly mistreated. The awfully fitting kaleidoscope sack with the attempt to look oh so sexy by exposing the black bra, just makes Anna look as she seems – desperate for the 15 mins to last longer.


Chris Bath

I am now a firm believer that newsreaders can’t dress well to save themselves. I can kind of see why up close Chris may have thought this was a nice dress but from a distance, it looks like a scene from Aliens, where the monster eats its way out of her stomach! And is it me or are court shoes making some inexplicable come back? Even in the eighties they were bad – let’s all say no to court shoes shall we.


Guy Sebastian & Jules

‘It’s the Power of Love!’ Sorry, for a while there I thought we were back in the 80’s and Guy was Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Seriously though, those are some ugly shoes. I know, I know, its street wear funky but come on – imagine walking into Safeway to get a loaf of bread in those. And speaking of shoes of ugliness, Jules ankle boots are also horrible beyond words and the outfit’s not helped in anyway by the suspenders. Are your pants really in that much danger of falling down and if so, why not get them altered?


Justine Clarke

I’ll say it right now, I love Justine Clarke. I do. She’s a brilliant actress, the toys really respect her on playschool and she just seems nice. But come on, you can’t dress like a fifty year old librarian who’s finally been asked by three time divorcee seventy year old Albert to Bingo. It’s just wrong!


Kate Hudson

See people - that’s how it’s done. Jennifer Aniston in your boring visit Australia black, this is how to make a promo tour count. Wear a sensational dress, realise the need for minimal accessories, have it a be a perfect length, subtle hair that shows off the sun kissed LA glow. Everyone loves Kate and this kind of performance does her no harm – now if she would only cut that damn child’s hair I’d be happy.


Kirrily Johnston

How do you solve a problem like Maria? When you dress like a Von Trapp Kirrily people are going to sing at you. I understand that this is Sofia Coppala cool, and yes I can almost nod to its artsy vibe but that’s not what I’m about here. The wannabe cool in me wants to like it, wants to say ‘oh she’s so now’ but the Dorky McDork just knows the inner voice in my head is mocking and say ‘why dress like a nun in training.’


Christie – Big Brother

Another BB contestant, another foul dress. This is that scarf that people tie around their heads when cruising through Venice in boat to keep their hair down. It’s not a dress to be tied up with string - literally, I think she got the old string ball out and wrapped it around herself a few times for good measure. Also what would a reality contestant be without a deep plunging neckline!


Lara Bingle

Look, as much as her non-fame fame issues annoy the hell out of me – I have to say (through gritted teeth) Lara looks really nice. The white shirt/white pants with silver belt make her look fresh and make me think that Spring is coming. Because it’s me and I’m nasty like that – there are a few things that bother me, the pants should have been altered for length. Alternatively and probably more importantly, she should have worn better shoes with a bigger heel. I know this ice skating stuff has probably screwed you up physically but if you’re going to take on the red carpet, then you gotta bring it. Injuries or not.


Ricki-Lee

It’s a recurring nightmare, this girl and her fashion sense. She has a fantastic voice and was clearly robbed on AI2 but seriously, how hard is it to dress for you size? Clearly one of her friends must hate her because when Ricki stands there and says ‘Do I look okay in this?’, she blindly nods along. The top isn’t a winner to start with but ruffles in the front make her boobs look huge and not in a good way. It widens her across the midriff and the shorts then cut her off to make it just a block of torso.


Sonia

You know what – I’m honest enough to admit it and I’ll give out awards when awards are due. Sonia, rise gently and carefully (we don’t want another Logies) and come and receive your well dressed award. This elegant black dress with softly pulled back hair is a good thing for you. People may say black is so boring but there’s a reason it’s a classic and you don’t want to spend all your colour points at a small function when big and more press hungry carpets await you.


Tali

We’ve had Tali here before at HLOD and like then, there is now, no explanation for either her (career? Full name? brain?) or her dress. I can tell you this was not a theme party, nor was it a dress in crap clothing party, nor was it a jumble sale from your own wardrobe. Yes, that’s right Tali voluntarily chose to dress like she had an epileptic fit in a Salvation Army clothing store. Also on a side note – does no one realise that once you’re on the red carpet area for photos you can take your credentials off? Or at least hand them to your posse while you pose.