The Harsh Light of Day

Ali M

With the glory of the Brownlow over – and what a night it was. It’s the next best season, Spring Racing Season! And Ali has opened the gates so well, the dress is fantastic, magnificent. I covet it! The length and shape is perfect. Only problem is Ali has muddied the waters with very bad accessories. The shoes are completely inappropriate for the dress, it’s a sandal for the beach. Also the handbag red is not all matching the dress and she would have been better sans the bag.


Bessie Bardot

It’s Bessie, and her completely same old song look. Obviously her shrug of joy is going to be a summer staple because it seems to be permanently welded to her shoulders. As is her hip askance, gelled back hair pose. BORING Bessie.



Brianna B

WHEEL of FORTUNE! It’s DEAL or NO DEAL. Unfortunately this young lassie isn’t a model who has lost her way from either of these sets. No in fact, she’s the PR executive for this launch and she’s completely committed the cardinal sin – she’s become the story. Because she has got her Golden Globes out and is trying to become the girlfriend of an Academy Award statue.


Jane Fleming

Thank God! The velvet has been abandoned, although Miss Fleming hasn’t let get of the pointy ice blue shoes. The dress is a much subtler way for Jane to show off her fantastic body! The sparkly diamond bust line isn’t a particular favourite and the drinks stain on the dress isn't either, not so good but vast improvement.


Kate Ritchie

While I adore Kate’s shoes – simply adore them! The rest of this dowdy black sack doesn’t light my fire. This is a charity, to raise money for Breast Cancer, let’s not get all depressed about it yet Kate. The neck line of dress is actually very nice but again the black forces it to be boring.


Kathryn Eisman

Is Kathryn Eisman some sort of giant? Is that why she’s famous, is she in the Guinness Book of Records, cause that has to be the explanation for why this woman ducks her head into every shot. The dress is quite lovely and very spring, also credit must be paid to her spray tanist for a natural looking brown. Take note young fillies.


Laura Csortan

Lovely Laura rarely puts a foot wrong and here, well, it’s another good performance. But careful Laura, I said good, not great. As we know it’s all bits and pieces that can ruin an outfit and here a few things let you down. The belt wrap that droops awkwardly across a certain area – a certain area we don’t talk about. Also the hair accessories that’s been almost thrown in, as if it’s an after thought.


Still Laura picks up her game, later that week, with a fun little polka dot number. Even down to the shoes, she matches perfectly and performs well again. Good old dependable Laura, it will be a shock if she puts a foot wrong.


Layne Beachley

Owww! Good lord that hurts to look at for too long. I know everyone in my office often thinks how good a life travelling the world, surfing in the sunshine would be. Here ladies, and any gents who join us, is why that life would result in. The years in sun have not been kind to Layne but here she is not being kind to herself. A one up, one down hairstyle should only be worn when you’re in Grade Three. Or washing your face at night.


Marcia Hines

Marcia’s been out on the scene this week for the new album and there are a few things I’m beginning to realise. Marcia loves high waisted pants with a tucked in shirt. Marcia loves a bright bold colour. Marcia loves a snazzy attitude shoe. Marcia’s dancing moves should be outlawed. Marcia needs to work on lip synching. I don’t like Marcia.


Mink

I nominate Mink for the worst taste in shoes ever. Every time we get near a good outfit, she completely screws it up with shoe choice. Not that hot ice pink is a good oufit, but still she could have fought back with a nice strappy heel, but no, she takes this outfit straight to hell with a pink ribboned straw pump.


Sami Lukas

Sami’s a woman and we hear her ROAR! Look at that face, its roar projected to the max. Sadly her with her diminished eyebrow capacity she looks more like Brooke Logan-Forrester-Forrester-Chambers-Forrester-Jones-Marone (that is Bold and the Beautiful correct). And with the ice show such a success, you can understand why Sami is attempting to take things up a notch, but you can’t do it looking like this darling.


Sarah Jane Clarke

I know that the Sass and Bide ladies are quite the fashionistas to some, but seriously, I don’t get it and I never really have. I mean this outfit, with the boobs hanging out the side flaps, with hemmed skirt that looks like it’s a last minute sewing job and the cyclists pockets on the side. I get that this is supposed to be ultimate cool fashion but come on, really?


Saskia Burmeister

Oh she was in my good up and coming books. This outfit however sees her thrown back into the fiery bad outfit spotlight! Let’s start from the bottom. The disgusting, awful shoes. I mean I see what is being attempted, the pretend invisible half shoe with the wrap around but plastic ain’t foolin’ nobody. And this Pirates of the Penzance sack – which even worse has a really nice neck line is putrid. Poor Sasky, in effort to continue reaping my praises she’s gone way past the line of decent dressing. Pressure is a bitch.


Sophie F

Here’s what a hot yummy mummy is people. I don’t know what Sophie is up to these days but looking good is definitely one of them. This is a perfect execution of the fuller waist dress, she doesn’t look so much like a sack as a more glamorous bag. The colour is pink-a-licious – perfect for the breast cancer charity she is attending.


Stephanie M

This is quite possibly, the best I’ve seen Stephanie look in a good long time. The shorts work well for her, and the little jacket thing over the t-shirt is rock star cool. I feel almost bad pointing out how much I dislike the boots. But these boots I believe are a personal taste choice, I think there are probably more than few of you out there who might like the boot and for that I will refrain. (Expect to say a little sunscreen on the upper leg next time you're sitting outside at Lasseter's - sorry I couldn't help it)


Torah Bright

Oh poor Torah, she of sassy snowboarding funkiness. She’s obviously spent so much of her life wrapped up in heavy snow pants that she now instinctively pads up with all clothing. This outfit could have worked if the dress had been above the knee and fitted better and she wasn’t wearing nanna shoes. Could have, should have, one day soon Torah, one day.