The Harsh Light of Day

Bianca Dye

There’s no other way to say it: an acid trip dress. Well actually there are about ten other ways to say: vomit inducing dress, magic eye dress, finger painting for toddlers dress – I really could go on. Here’s my major problem with this dress: it does absolutely nothing for her. If it were some amazing corset dress that helped five kilos disappear, I’d completely understand but this ain’t that dress.


Bree Amer

The dress in and of itself isn’t that bad, it’s being put on Bree is where it all starts to go wrong. Firstly baby doll dresses are definitely not for those with a hipper nature and secondly but by far more immediate in its awfulness is that tatty, trashy, my extensions cost five dollars at Hair House Warehouse do. The barrel roll curls are Vegas cool – which means anywhere but the strip, they’re BAD.


Casey Donovan

Now the polite thing to do would be to not discuss her weight. It’s a political correct world yadda, yadda. We’re allowed to harp on Nicole Richie all we like (and we should she’s got a problem) but don’t say anything about Casey. Well, I’m sorry folks but this big isn’t a healthy weight and it shows from top to toe. When you’re a big girl there’s nothing nice left to wear so Casey attempts to jazz it up with an ugly silk Target number fail dismally and make her look even worse. For those who want to hate me, go ahead but if we complain about good role models for young girls, this is the flip side of Nicole Richie. Seriously, this girl admitted to smoking like a chimney, having McDonald’s as her regular meal – that shit ain’t cool.


Caitlin

It was all so good, all so simple and youthful, a little Doris Day but I could have handled it, I really could have. Until those stupid, Horse Whisperer, my Uncle’s a Blacksmith, do you want to see my Clydesdale boots were put on her feet. Is she putting in some demented bid for a spot on McLeod’s Daughters?


Guy Sebastian

So the saying goes you’re only allowed to wear white jeans if it’s over 23 degrees and/or you’re Liz Hurley (and she has a problem.) Guy commits his obsession with white, although this time the shoes are excluded but his legs sadly are included. And unless he suddenly becomes the lead singer of Jet or the Strokes and changes the jeans to black, he should never, never, EVER wear skinny leg again.


Jade McCrae

This is something I think my nanna used to have across her table. At the time it was very dorky and seventies (even though it was the eighties) but it was Nanna’s and like every Nanna’s house across the country there is bound to be some interesting shit. This shit however does not get up off the table, transform itself into a dress and throw a belt over itself and expect to be cool – it just doesn’t happen. Yet Jade seems to think it does.


Kate Ritchie

Welcome to Flight 635 of Pan Am, I’m your Hostess Kate Ritchie and I’ll be looking after you today as we head into my fashion hell. For the past six months I’ve been hailed as fashion guru and after a fantastic showing at the Logies and decent follow ups, the hype was born. However more recently I’ve begun to over think it and try and be ultra cool which in turn always leads to looking like an idiot. If any one can be of assistance to me and my fashion sense during the next six months please press the call button immediately. Thank you for flying Dodgy Fashion Skies.


Kim Day-Craig and Kath Day-Knight

These are rool wicked outfits from these two foxy morons and it proves you don’t have to have lots of cash to look hot on a red carpet. Kim’s simply gropable in her white pants and boots look and a horn-bag t-shirt tops it off for spunky attitude. Kath is class and elegance personified. A sexy slit with hot pink pump will surely have the boys screaming and her beaded bodice is classic attire. Rool nice, it’s different, it’s unusual.


Lara Bingle

Lara stars in Part 2 of the migraine inducing dress. Seriously is there a salary cut going on and these girls are just get odd-cuts from their tailor and sewing them into dresses? If so, excellent resource skills Lara, didn’t know you had it in you. If not, wow you must be colour blind…in fact, possibly just blind.


Laura C

It seems many so called fashion ingénue’s are bulking under the pressure of performance. Laura has been slowly slipping for the past few weeks but this can’t be ignored. A massive mismatching of strong black and strong brown with fawn fishnets! WHAT? And the rough just decided to come out at the last minute unbrushed hair. It’s all very disappointing for some one who really should know better.


Melissa Thauktz

Nothing like a struggling D-grader to bring out fashion mayhem. It’s all so wrong here in an attempt to be all so right. Melissa looks to have a grabbed an old eighties t-shirt, you know one of those big beach ones, and sliced it up the middle in attempt at sexiness. With cheap $2 dollar store necklaces and some awful skinny belt that looks more like an errant g-string band, Melissa reminds us why she’s been away for so long.


Stephanie M

We were working together, heading in the right direction and then this! This abomination! It’s like a skank’ed out Santa’s Little Helper (GG06). Then she tops off hell in a dress with the ugliest shoes I think I have ever seen. Did a dog eat the toes out? Did she not fit into them so in fit of rage cut the toes out to squeeze in those damn red boots she just bought? Steph’s even reverted back to the awful ratty blonde hair. Oh Steph, it could have been so wonderful, but you just stopped listening to me and no relationship works like that.


Tiffani Wood

Well I completely understand now why Miss Tiff has been hiding from me – she’s knocked up is my girl. As you can tell, I’m pretty proud, I’m looking forward to some fantastically awful maternity wear but I got to say Tiff, if this is the way you’re heading then I’m not happy. You look nice, and yes, the top maybe a little smock like but you’re covering a bump, I understand. Where’s my zany Tiffani, where’s the crazy prints and contradicting colours – has becoming a future mother matured you? Please say no.


Young Divas

Saving the absolute best for last! These ladies, they just kill me every time. Every single time one of them gets it somewhat right, I’d never say perfect but with these lassies my expectations are low. Still they can never time it so they all look good together. So those who pass the grade today:

Emily – yes, the skinny leg jeans make her look incredibly top heavy in a Dolly Parton-esque way, but she’s been so much worse.

Ricki-Lee – again start with low expectations, this dress isn’t amazingly great but it’s not satin, it doesn’t cling to the wrong parts of her body and her hair looks perfect for her age – these are things Ricki’s had major problems with in the past.

Oh my lord Paulini why are you dressed like that? Seriously why? Out of all the divas you were probably my best hope for salvation but this. Way too tight jeans with TUCKED IN lace sparkly shirt and crappy curl extensions! Why??

And Kate, I don’t expect to understand your dress sense, I never have but what makes you think that wearing a circus tent is okay. It is not and never will be an acceptable thing, so take it off and put a pole up the inside and let the circus folk get back to their jobs.