The Harsh Light of Day

Amber Petty

It’s not so much Amber, as it is Amber’s date that offends here. Although her cheap tacky red shoes must be recognised. When was it acceptable to wear a powder blue suit? Unless attending a 70’s dress up party. Then add insult to fashion eye injury, black cowboy boots underneath. Come on dude, you look like the Miami Vice original TV series rejects. As if you’d even be allowed to visit Denmark, let alone get near Amber’s ‘best friend’ Mary. She picks winners does this Amber.


Courtney Act

When Ms. Act first hit the scene many girls were oddly jealous, how could a man look so good as woman. The legs, the ability to fit into slim line clothes without questionable bulges. But now, I think, many of us pity Courtney. What else but pity is the appropriate response to this debacle. It’s not drag queen enviable, it’s just plain damn ugly. Sister of Britney white trash lime green with matching eye shadow trailer park ugly.


Mrs Crocker

Holy mamma Mrs Crocker’s at it again. Thankfully this time we are spared the horrendous flesh revealing, but in lieu is the sparkly lace jeans. Which to some is just as bad. It’s like some sort of black ivy has taken hold of her legs and is slowly winding its way up, taking hold of her like mutant disease. I must also say that a dog collar is not a necklace, especially on a senior citizen.


David Campbell’s Date

DC: ‘Hey you there, yes you cheeky chap, come back here right now.
DCD: ‘Honey, it’s okay, I’ll just laugh it off, no one will notice.’
DC: ‘No, that man’s run off with your top and I won’t accept it. You hear me man, I won’t ACCEPT IT. My Dad’s Jimmy Barnes, don’t make me go Flame Trees on your arse.
DCD: ‘Babe it’s fine, my bra matches my handbag, kind of, it’s fine.'
DC: ‘I’m the son of a Working Class Man and I’ll show you kiddo. Now give my date her under shirt back.’
DCD: ‘David sweetie, this will get you publicity if my shirt is missing.’
DC: ‘Oh…sure…okay then…hey dude, do you want her skirt as well?


Dicko

The man who comments so much on young ladies fashion both on Idol and to TV Week should really be really careful. After all, he who lives in Celebrity Survivor crappy shacks shouldn’t throw coconuts …or something like that. Especially if one is to wear jeans, your pyjama top and Birkenstocks on the red carpet! I know it’s a casual red carpet event but don’t steal your daughters shoes and not expect any one to not notice!


Emily Barclay

For a moment in time, not so long ago Emily won our hearts with creative and unique dressing. She showed promise in a Jodi Gordon kind of way, but then this double horror feature – and committed all in the same week! Both the outfits from the top to the waist don’t look too bad. It’s just from the waist down, she seems to be channelling Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Either that or she’s just fled her gynaecologist’s appointment, too afraid to get the nasty PS.

Holly Brisley

Vertical stripes are hard, always have, always will be. It’s not for the faint hearted to try and pull them off. You always run the risk of looking like a jail escapee from an old Elvis Presley movie. However, Holly looks nautical stupid. The ill fitting and ruffle fronted dress, YES ruffles only serve to make me think of the Brighton Bathing Boxes and of the 50’s bathers. Her nail polish also has no business in this outfit.


Jane Ferguson

MY EYES, DEAR LORD MY EYES! Here is the perplexing question of the day, if you are Sydney company looking for that PR edge and wanting to gain attention in the press and favourable media coverage, would you hire this woman? For that’s what Jane Ferguson lists herself as, PR consultant. To who or what? If she were, for instance, promoting world’s ugliest fashion trends then she would be very successful. If these are clothes from her wardrobe, then by God the apocalypse can’t be far away.


Jodi Gordon

See, here’s what happens…you fall flat out in love with some one and their style and then the moment they put a little baby toe of a foot wrong, it’s earth shattering. And many of you will hate me for this, because hair is fantastic, make up impeccable, even the fascinator is good. It’s just the dress, I don’t like that dress, it’s like she rushed off from the dinner table early, so excited to see the horses and left her napkin tucked in.


Karen

As we head smack into spring racing carnival, my excitement over bad fashion rises. Also if anyone needs a Fashion blogger on their guest list for their marquee, I’m free and available and I won’t hurl insults at guests, (I’ll save it for later).

But back to Karen, who needs an urgent lesson from the experts at Johnson’s & Johnson’s about correct usage of Holiday Skin, cause those legs are some patchy orange numbers. Also co-ordination of dress, shoes and hat as a matching and working together ensemble, not a jumble of stuff pulled off the floor of her room.


Kathleen De Leon

Awwh, how cute are these two? Poor Kathleen got plastered here by me for her Logies fashion and I still feel bad about that (like shooting puppies) but ever since then she’s been on her best dressing behaviour so it makes me think it’s worth it. The dress has some interesting colours in there but the black ribbon for me, actually helps it onto safer ground. And love the preppy-ish Seth Cohen look for her slice of Savage Garden – just make sure the jumper next time isn’t too woolly knit - that then wanders into Harold from Neighbours territory.


Lauren Newton

There are some celebrities who are not really celebrities at all. Lauren Newton is the poster girl for that group. Besides walking people to and from the silence booth on Fued and still being unable to cut the umbilical cord from her parents, she seems to have no function in life. That also includes fashion crisis, because this mis-matching, borrowed Patti’s old denim jacket, Target Hot Options singlet speak volumes of non-celebrity-ness. The only good thing that can be said, is it seems that she’s cut that awful long hair – if only she could cut the cord next.


Libby Gore

Libby, Libby, Libby, Libby, we learnt a few weeks ago from Jane Fleming, that ice blue in a dress was no one’s friend. And she’s an ex-athlete who has a smokin’ body. I’m not saying you’re huge, but this makes you look…well….not good is all I’m saying. Also the cheap bubble gum machine necklace should be put back for a five year old to enjoy.


Marni S

Okay, I completely understand that fashion designers tend to be terrible dressers. Karl Lagerfield, Donnatella Versace, Vivienne Westwood are all guilty as charged. However Marni here, it’s not even bad dressing, it’s just at home on the weekend might do a spot of gardening later before I head down to the shops dressing. She’s even brought along the recyclable shopping bags, which I give her credit for, but if you’re so pressed for time, maybe skip the red carpet for next time.


Melissa Doyle

Well, firstly I must say I didn’t know Mel had such a good little figure hidden away. I guess sitting next to Kochie each day, the bald reflecting head distracts us all. Great secret figure aside, I don’t condone wrapping your sarong into a dress. It’s crafty as all get out sure, it’s economical absolutely and it is definitely practical – doesn’t mean its fashion.


Michelle Walsh

I thought we’d survived, I thought we’d struggled through and managed to emerge, a little tattered, a little torn but relatively okay. Alas, it’s back, the haunting in my dreams, the nightmare of my days. The bloody Kaftan print dress. And Michelle is the one who seems intent on not letting it die. I understand she’s pregnant but come on, wearing a sheet is a not the answer!


Natalie Michaels

This is everything that’s wrong with Spring Racing carnival dressing – and I LOVE IT! The dress is way too tight for day time wear, she’s give us stripper cleavage. The fabric and colour are ten horse lengths from being a winner and she looks like she forgot to wear a hat, so swan dived into a rose bush and came out with this on top her head. Her mattered hair also proves that point.


Rachael C

So badly stung by Rachael’s Logies effort, that it took me a moment tp peel my fingers from my eyes and look properly at this outfit. And to my shock and horror, I actually kind of like it. It’s a great day colour, the length over the knee is perfect. Her hat matches and the shoes aren’t far off either. Even the cleavage is well displayed. Not bad daughter McLeod, not bad at all.