The Harsh Light of Day

Well, I’m alive (barely) and I survived Cup Day in the Birdcage. What a day I had, although next year I need to get press credentials so I can then photograph people legitimately and then comment on them. Best marquee (beside the one I was in, because it’s all about me) – would be a tie between Motorola (once you’re inside – from the outside the mirrors are disturbing) and Andrew McManus presents. Most underwhelming marquee is for sure the Lexus one. Very unimaginative design, coupled with big open spaces making it look poorly attended.


Anneleise Subert

For all the D-grade celebs who didn’t warrant a Cup Day marquee there was a Sydney function and this is where we find Ms Pale as the White Carpet I’m Walking On. The dress in and of itself isn’t too bad and for the first time EVER Anneleise’s shoes are okay. The necklaces though are over the top and also could prove very hazardous when hailing a cab later on.


Bec Hewitt

While there was a race that stopped the nation, there is today the outfit the shocked a nation. What the?? Seriously, is this a joke? Is Bec today pissing herself laughing because everyone believed that she thought this was high fashion? Firstly, as a good friend I know says ‘shorts are for sports’ – and that phrase is most appropriate when attending a glamorous event Bec. Secondly, who is God’s name convinced you this top was a good idea? Is your stylist on holidays at the moment. I mean, I know the eighties are making a comeback but come on, raiding Melissa Tkautz wardrobe circa 1984 at the height of her E-Street fame is just taking it way too far.


Brooke Hansen

Let me tell you all about Brooke. I ran into her at least three times during the day and she couldn’t have been more obvious (you thought I was going to say nice!). She stood anywhere that was close to lots of public as if visually shouting ‘look, look at me – I’m a celebrity.’ That would all be well good and Brooke but you looked like crap. Seriously, the nanna shoes and dress that offers no support to the ladies coupled with the headpiece of doom just spells out desperate attention seeking sporting-wannabe-famous star.


Erica Baxter

The dress actually photographs a lot better than it looks in person. I do like the unusual design and Japanese inspired floral arrangement – very appropriate for the day in the end. The head piece is also well matched with the dress. Erica very nicely done – pity about the fighting with Jamie on Saturday which means you had to come alone.


Erin McNaught

Poor little Erin, she must have frozen her McNaughts off. So while the sunshine god’s did not visit Flemington, Erin, like many a lady I saw obviously just said ‘screw it --- cloudy skies and freezing temperatures be damned, I will wear my floaty white number anyway!’. And for sure, the dress is nice but headband is a little too Wonder Woman for my liking. All she needs is the matching arm bracelets.


Girlband

After the ‘nanna-gate’ disaster that was Girlband’s ARIA outfits, this is a drastic improvement. If only their dressing could match their sales, things would be okay. I applaud all four ladies for attending an interstate race event and not wearing a hat or fascinator of any kind. I think it’s a bit silly if there’s no track and you’ve still got a massive hat on. What I now suggest is Girlband give Young Divas a call and in exchange for fashion advice, they swap sales figures. I think it’s a fair trade.


Jemma Gawnd

Most people will wake up today and think Bec Hewitt was the most stupidest dressed celebrity there, well folks never underestimate the power of stupidity when combined with fashion. In outfit that is so wrong Jemma seems pleased as punch with herself. I, on the other hand, think the punch may have been spiked. Open toed shoes with stockings, under a velvet preschool dress, capped with knitted tea cosy and accessorized with a breast widening necklace. I don’t think I need to comment really, the outfit comments on itself.


Jennifer Hawkins

See girls, this is what racing dressing is all about. No cleavage revealing, short wearing crap for Miss Universe. A very cute, very lovable little ensemble means Jen continues to cement her marketing cache level to the Aussie public at home. Most girls want to look like her, most guys would love to do her (sorry Jake!) and most mum’s wish their daughters were her. Well played Jen, well played.


Jessica Rowe

Man, I wish I looked this good and I’m not even going to add when I’m pregnant, cause I’d just like to look this good normally. Bright, bold and sassy colours make sure Jess stands out but not in a obnoxious Karl Stefanovic ice costume way. Beside the cactus turned head gear Jess looks pretty good and for that she should be happy.


Kate Ritchie

After the hat monstrosity from Derby Day it’s good to see Kate has rebounded nicely. The dress is very cute and she actually looks better than we’ve seen in recent times but I still question her combination of black shoes and bag with white hat. What’s the thinking there Kate? Is there any thinking or were you stupefied by bestie Bec’s decision too.


Kate Waterhouse

It’s such a fine line, this celebrity dressing and on occasion I do feel sorry for them. People like me certainly don’t make it any easier with our constant critiquing. Still, I then remember the glam events they get invited to and the clothes for free and I get bitchy again. And yes, Kate looks perfectly fine, but take the hat off and it’s perfectly lovely office outfit. It’s just Friday night drinks with extra pizzazz, is this outfit.


Kylie Gilles

I was very attached to my kindergarten years to Kylie, I remember fondly my time at Sunnyside, where the majority of my days were spent napping and finger painting. My blissful memories however do not cause me to wack on my art smock and wear it out on the town. Maybe you should remember that for next time. Also please return the feather to whichever bird you maimed at Melbourne Zoo.


Laura Csortan

See, while Bec was scaring the bejesus out of every Melburnian, Laura completed the two city assault in Sydney. And this makes me fearful, because this could be the start of something [ominous Jaws theme music plays] like the emergence of the kaftan, this outfit may start turning up everywhere. God I hope not. In preparation of such an attack I have named the outfit. It shall be called ‘peepkini’ and I ask every one to get immunised immediately from the deadly ‘peepkini’ strain.


Leona Ed

‘Hello my name is Ivanka and I am very happy to be here. You country is wonderful pretty. Do you have any Vodka? In Russia, we keep warm dis way. Yesk, I am very proud to be here, in Russia we don’t race horskies. That is far exciting for Russians, we drink Vodka instead. Do you have any Vodka? Yesk, I am very happy to be wearing my cassock hat for you presence. Very happy and very proud. Do you have any Vodka? Go the horskies.


Michael Vartan

There is simply nothing wrong with this man. We should all just look. I, myself, was too afraid to get my photo with him, for fear of babbling incoherently about Sydney Bristow and how much of a bad ass her daddy is, and gee wiz, can you please speak some French, and I miss Vaughan and does Jennifer Garner still talk to you or has she completely dumped your ass and if so, come here and I’ll kiss it to make it better. See, isn’t everyone glad I didn’t talk to Michael.


Shari-Lee

See the guy behind Shari --- the one over her left shoulder (your left, not her’s). Here is an exclusive insight into his brain at that exact moment the photo was taken:

‘Am I that drunk? Seriously the room is spinning. Wait, no, it’s just that girl’s dress. Who is she? Aren’t there only supposed to be famous people here, I didn’t sell my soul to the VRC satan to see this shit. I could see that in the public enclosure. Seriously though, I think I might be drunk, otherwise a big pink bird just landed on that girl’s head. Hang on, wait a minute. Oh it’s just her hat. I think I might go talk to the Emirates girls out front.’


Simone Warne

Wow – Simone’s not letting go of that hat is she. Come on Simone even, you have to know that you can’t wear the same hat twice in a row. Especially such a bad, I'm a gangsta's woman hat. What scares me even more though is I can’t see what she’s wearing underneath the coat and I’m very concerned. Because it may be a ‘peepkini’ – and if Simone Warne starts wearing them, then lordy a we in trouble!