The Harsh Light of Day

Yes, yes I know, it's been almost two weeks but it was the races. The excitement, the laughter - it just took it's toll. So I gave myself a little holiday, rested my tired little finger from all that typing and closed my eyes to see a world of well dressed people. Alas when I returned this had not eventuated. Still, gives me something to do.

Ali M

Ali suffers here from the dreaded bring your breasts along-itis, that we saw so horribly from Laura Csortan a few weeks back. In other news Ali’s hair must be strong enough to deflect UV rays, what with its brittle stiff curls. In fact, she could rescue small children by dangling her hair down and they could climb up its sturdy curly staircase. PS the drabbest of drab blue with metallic connect the dots dress.


Amali Ward

Yes, granted Amali’s a little fry so fashion isn’t an easy thing to master but she’s gone and buggered herself up pretty good. The blues hues are very bright, but in a Little Mermaid-esque fashion. In fact the boob area reminds me of the sea shells used around little Ariel’s lady friends. I also question the bow – what is its purpose? What is its function? Why does it exist? Dressing Amali, is a lot like life – if you can’t answer at least some of these questions, then you’re screwed.


Anthony Callea

Is it me or is Anthony getting shorter? This photo makes me think he’s actually bordering on midget status. Really and truly. The jacket makes his torso extremely and un-proportionally lengthy. Then the Target Little Boys jeans shorten him to Munch Kin status. I mean even the barricades are threaten to tower over the boy…


Bree Amer

‘I think somethin' bounced into my undercarriage!’ And with a dress like that, it’s probably going to bounce right out the top. This is a hoot’n’tootin, rid’em high, swing’em low, Devil went down to Georgia dress from Bree. In fact, this could be her audition piece for Dukes of Hazzard 3: Jessica Don’t Be Here No More But I’m her Cousin Down-Under Duke.


Camilla Frank

‘Hello my name is Mrs Borat. My husband who does not acknowledge my presence was recent in your country and I now come in his wake to say hello and find sexy man. Beneath my sack I am hairy animal with lotta loving for right man. I wear national dress of Kazak ladies and I happy to be here.’


Candice Falzon

I have to face it, I guess. The battle was long and lengthy and I tried people, I really tried but I guess, the fight got away from me. I felt safe. I was lulled into a false sense of security – I wasn’t alert or alarmed. I was too focused on the possible attack of the peepkini and left a massive blindside open for attack. Yes – the formal caftan returns. Like insurgent Shuni Shiites – it’s just a problem I will also have to deal with. George W I am beginning to understand your pain (still I want you gone and dead, but understanding is bridging a gap).


Casey Donovan

Okay, I know, I’ve soap boxed already about this but JESUS LORD CHRIST – this girl is eating herself to death! And I do not mean this in a funny, let’s be sarcastic way that I mean everything – I mean it, like seriously. After my last rant, I looked back into the past and check out photos of Casey around Idol time – she is remarkably bigger than those days and it’s not at all healthy. It’s cholesterol sky-rocketing, heart attack in your mid-twenties, massive problems for the rest of your life heavy. You can also tell from everyone’s reaction behind Casey, no wild cheers (and this crowd was going nuts over Big Brother people, so come on, it’s not a tough crowd) just glum, sympathy faces.


Courtenay Act

I get the whole she’s a he who is a she but underneath is he but those legs belong to a she thing. I get that. My problem with it all, is she/he is so good you can’t tell the difference, so instead of being an overtop dressed in a funny stuff he – its tragic $10 dress and bad hair she.


Deborah Knight

What to chose, what to chose? I like the flowers, they are so pretty and it’s spring already – but then again, it’s Aussie Idol night and I need to be young and funky so I don’t get fired like that Spicer lady, so stripes could be cool – that’s what everyone seems to be wearing. But I like my flowers, and I feel comfortable in them – but I also like my job and feel comfortable in it. I could always do both?


Emily Barclay

Emily and her stupid obsession with tights – ruins a very pretty dress. Emily – I know you think you are the next Rose Byrne and that’s fine, you’re in decent movies at the moment but seriously, wearing opaques is no longer the number one rule in the ‘Independent Movie It Girl’ Handbook. Seriously, even Sienna’s stopped wearing them – that’s a sign the apocalypse can’t be far off.


Erin McNaught

Look Erin, I’m getting a little, well a lot, tired of you. You’re everywhere, seriously everywhere. And the biggest crime of all – you didn’t WIN!!! You sucked, you didn’t even make top ten. Go away. And take the fortune teller’s gypsy tablecloth back to her before she puts a hex on both your houses. In fact, that gives me an idea…


Georgie Parker

There’s is dressing as a yummy mummy, who is so cool and casual that she swans about in her at home clothes, even on the red carpet and looks utterly cool and very attainable. There is also coming from the Saturday weeding, slashing on some lip gloss and calling it a day. These are two very different things.


Gigi Edgely

With a name like Gigi, this outfit is a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s also the bathing suit every little girl wore from 1982 right onto 1985. High heels don’t fool anyone Gigi – especially me.


Gretel Killeen

I have to assume Gretel had a monster Saturday night and wore the most obscene high heels you’ve ever witnessed. So high that she woke up the next morning, swearing black and blue that some one had sliced open her Achilles, and that hot coals had literally been planted into her toes. So high, that she felt it was okay to wear Big W thongs on the red carpet.


Isabel Lucas

The Gospel Accoding to HLOD Chapter 1 Versus 2

And he feed the 5,000
And broke apart the fishes and loaves
And turned water into wine
And then retreated to his little hut with his lady love Mary Magdelene for they shared a similar taste in shoes, and flowing fabrics. They also chose the path of enlightenment and not being seduced by red carpets and the like.

Damien

It seems when dressing males the Network Ten stylists have a fashion chip implanted in their brains from which they must never stray. Tuxedo/Suit jacket with jeans – check; jean a fraction to tight and oddly cuffed – check; pointy shoes that resemble something from the Witches of Eastwick – check. Sadly as we’ve seen from Guy, Shannon and Anthony, this chip is then programmed into male Idol heads as well.


Joy Smithers

Oh Joy! (Ha get it! but here it’s ironic) Joy seriously took on board every women’s magazine fashion’s editors advice when they said Mod was coming back in. Like seriously took it on. Too the point where I imagine Joy walking around say ‘it’s so groovy’ and ‘that’s out of sight’ and eventually her family snaps.


Klancie

A Reworking of Clancy of the OverFlow by Banjo Patterson

I am sitting in my dingy little office, where a stingy
Ray of sunlight struggles feebly down between the houses tall,
And the foetid air and gritty of the dusty, dirty city
Through the open window floating, spreads its foulness over all.

And the computer screen stares at me, and with fashion to scare
Some people good, while others are barely deserve the cut and paste
With their eager eyes and greedy, and their stunted forms and weedy,
For D-graders have no time to grow, they have all the time to waste.

And I somehow rather fancy that I’d like to have a word with Klancie
Like to tell her that Aussie Idols don’t last long, seasons come and go,
That putting your breasts into your chin, for all and the world to see
Won’t get you fame and fortune, poor old, Klancie, of The Overflow


Mel Doyle

Oh dear, oh no, oh oops. Poor Mel, sitting next to Kochie for so many years has finally gotten to her. She’s dragged out the sarong for another go round – clearly impressed with her own crafty talents. Mel, that don’t impress me much.


Noa Tishby

Bad hair decisions must now be a STD because Noa got a bad case of ugly hair from boyfriend Andrew G. This is how my hair looks when I am half way through blow drying it – right here is the point where I have just flip my head back up and I look in the mirror and think ‘how funny would it be to go out with hair like this’. Noa just took the game to a whole new level.


Sandi Tom

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with in flowers in my hair
Instead of wearing shoes so ugly all can you can do is stare
I’m so not fashionable and the media doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with in flowers in my hair


Shari-Lee

We first met Shari at Melbourne where her insane bird inspired outfit drew some confused stares. The madness continues with this slash and bare dress. The fabric could quite possibly be someone’s curtains and the hair style is something I had in prep – and even then it looked pretty bad.


Young Divas

I don’t think I can handle this…the world is spinning…this time I know it’s for real …and it’s happen all over again! Thunder is rolling in, lightening is crashing and world as we know it has changed for ever. Because - the Divas actually look good (I know, I can’t believe it either) Yes, in comparison to other people no they don't, but for Diva-dom this is an all time high! Paulini’s hair is natural and normal in Beyonce-esque way and her skirt isn’t a shirt; Kate has played her best assets (hello ladies) while demure everywhere else – oh Kate I’d never thought it would happen; Emily look feminine – a feat in itself; and Ricki-Lee looks her disco dancing best. I’m so proud of my girls – it’s like they actually listened to me! See people this is what good advice gets you – GOLD STARS.