The Harsh Light of Day

The Baileys

Would you believe these kids are country singers? These bunch of young poppets look like any funky Idol red carpetters and I say FANTASTIC. Say country singer and you immediately think cowboy boots, over glammed hair and Nashville make up. These youngings prove that ain’t always the case. (okay ignore the guy on the left)


Collette Dinnigan

Oh Cols, this is so very unfortunate. The mushroom cap dress is okay, I suppose but the leggings! Come on, you’re international fashion designer who is being lauded in New York at a Gala benefit and you turn up in leggings! I guess it’s quite Australian, a nice homage to the Saturday shopping at K-Mart.


Cat Southern

Now this is what I call Country’n’Western dressing! Awful ratty long hair, a Daisy Duke laced up bikini top and animal print with a slit up the front! It’s all shucks, yee-ha dressing and all she needs is her pick up truck in the parking lot and a man who left her damn bad, and she’s the literal translation of stereotypical country song.


Gina Jeffries

It’s so sad, because it’s only a little way off being okay. It’s just a smidge too tight and the breasts don’t quiet fit into the dress, and then necklace dangles into the cleavage in a drastic fashion. The runching on the dress also don’t help because unless your Calista Flockhart, it often looks like bunching!


Hugh Jackman – Debora Lee Furness

I think the Jackman’s were running awfully late for the Penfold’s Australian Gala. Probably having a chat about the new Aussie epic, Hugh’s coming back to film. Standing in the bathroom, both applying their separate foundations, Hugh glanced at his watch and squealed! This explains why Hugh forgot his hair gel and Deb’s left her applying make up hair in.


Jeanette Wormald

Wow Jeanette, you’re not helping shred the image of all Jeanette’s across the world being dowdy. It’s a lovely mother of the bride dress for a Pakenham lass, but for an elder stateswoman of the country music association, I don’t think so. It cuts her across the waist, it wraps oddly around the breasts, and drops to ground making her a midget in mum’s dress.


Kirsty Lee Akers

You know above when I said, that when thinking of country singers think cowboy boots, over glammed hair and Nashville make up. Two out of three for Kirsty-Lee. She’s added an extra special touch with the jewelled chastity belt on the outside of the dress, to ward off those hard roping cowboys I’m sure.


The McClymonts

I believe these lasses to be the Young Divas of the Aussie country industry. In that they are a singing girl group, that can’t dress to save themselves, except one who manages to save us from all out destruction. Leftie waves the flag today and for that be glad, your fellow ladies are in trouble. Middle is okay, until the knees – then the unexplainable addition of leg warmers!! Leg warmers!! If it’s cold, wear pants! And rightie – I’m thinking is about to break into a special Asian fan dance, otherwise I’ve got no idea why she stuck one on her dress.


Melinda Schneider

Melinda wins, hands down winner of all time. In the number one entry of 80’s Dynasty look alike, Melinda has it. I’m waiting for a bitch fight that ends up in the pool. The blonde dark rooted (pun intended) spiky do is just so 80’s retro.


Bessie Bardot & Richard Branson

No Richard, push her back, we don’t want it. In quite possibly the tackiest, most obvious ploy that tarnishes event PR, Bessie accidentally ‘fell/was pushed’ by Sir Richard Branson in the water. This was to promote Virgin’s New Home Loans facility. Yes, can’t you see the obvious connection! No, neither can I really but it was done. Why they picked Bessie, not quite sure, Bec Hewitt not available? Lauren Newton's diary full up?


Tania Kernaghan

Tania, please, please stop spinning. Stop spinning, and maybe look properly in the mirror. Yes, look, it’s a rope backed dress, with sparkles and dangly bits. Yes, I know it’s shocking, but you can still save yourself. Just grab that long, long, long hair and spread over the back, then quickly and quietly take your seat. ASAP. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.

SAG AWARDS

Best


America Ferrara – I love you more and more each day. Your speech at the Globes made me cry (and rejoice, I’d just eaten a bag of Peanut MM’s) and again, you look lovely and classy and elegant and I think you are the antidote to Li-Lo, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton


Ashton and Demi – The little relationship that could. Good old Demi rocks a lovely navy number and sure, I prefer a clean shaven Ashton but he looks fine in his bow tie. These two crazy kids made it work against all odds.


Cate Blanchett – after the loud and un-patriotic thud that sounded from the Golden Globes dress, Cate responds well. Not knock ‘em dead, forgive everything but maybe she’s saving that for the Oscars.


Dougray Scott and Claire Forlani - I had no idea that these two were together but PHWWOARR. Hot little couple especially Mr Scott who’s been absent from the scene for a while.


Mr & Mrs McSteamy (aka Eric Dane & Rebecca Gayheart) - Remember for like, two minutes, when Rebecca Gayheart was the IT girl. Yeah, not many people do. Well unlike Mr Michael-Murray, she went away and played nicely and bagged herself an upcoming hottie and boy, oh boy, she looks lovely! So does he, I will admit, but my allegiance will forever be with McDreamy. Sorry Eric.


Julia Louis-Dryfus

Such a recovery from an awful, awful Globes dress. It’s flattering red, a flattering shape and flattering colour.


Sara Ramierz

Like America before these two ladies are winning my love for dressing beautifully for women who won’t snap in half in a cool breeze. It’s a great colour and great shape and again she rocks a hair do!

Worst


Chad Michael Murray - Remember for like, two minutes, when Chad Michael Murray was the IT boy. Yeah, not many people do. I think that has a lot to do with the fact it seems he’s a massive JERK! And boy, he helps continue that stereotype. The wanker shoes and blonde bleach hair and barely legal fiancée, yeah what a guy!


Ellen Pompeo

If Ellen has had an unfortunate accident and broken her back and is sneaking in her crutch then I understand this dress. If not then I don’t know? Do you?


Heather Graham’s Shoes

I don’t normally only focus on foot wear but sometimes, sometimes, it’s just that bad. These look like the most painful shoes and don’t, even from this angle, seem to be doing much for her posture. Also Heather, didn’t you have even fifteen minutes for a quick peddie?


Kirsten Dickens

Kirsten Dicken’s partner has just spotted her dress on the big screen. He’s now befuddled about how exactly he will get her out of it later. Will it require a sailor’s handbook for knots? Or a crowbar and blow torch? Or a code to crack from Dan Brown? At least it was something to think about during the telecast.


Melora Hardin

Yes, it was a night to honour Julie Andrews, and while I’m the first to say How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, dressing like Maria isn’t quite what the Screen Actors Guild Award would have had in mind.


Rinko Kaunchi

I think Rinko has decided her co-star Cate is a fashion goddess and yes, while on most occasions she’s uniquely special. Copying the awful Globes dress is in no way a plan. Abort the plan Rinko, abort now.

Firstly, I don’t like to pretend I’m a seer-into-the-future girl. Only because before you know it I’ll be on late night TV, telling you to call for the latest in-depth astral projection when in truth, I know nothing! That being SAID, I still call ‘told you so’ on a Mr Matthew Newton. In December 8’s post, I quote: you’re looking a little sketchy these days. A little red rimmed around the eyes. HELLO, yes it’s no smoking gun but I’m pretty on the ball, if I say so myself. I’d also like to stand on my soapbox and say, Brooke you are very brave and awesome person in my view. I think the press totally went easy on one M Newton and while I don’t condone a public lynching – HE BEAT HER, TWICE - allegedly! And people were saying what a poor boy he was, and how unfortunate it all was. Well, I don’t think so, the MAN BEAT HER - allegedly and was so violent the cops had to hold him for 11 hours allegedly – that’s nothing something they do normally, my friends on the force confirm that! All I can say is, boy, Lauren isn’t looking as bad as she used to.

Okay, I’m getting off the box – back to what I do best, fashion lynching.

Alyssa McLelland

While there is no doubt that Alyssa is a lovely young up and coming actress – who bares such a strong resemblance to the woman off Cold Case, that a smart agent would send her picture into that show, so she could feature in a flashback episode! – her fashion is leaving my case pretty damn cold. The jeans and top are fine, very blah, but hey you do what you can, but the shoes – oh the horror! It’s like a formal surgical bootie!


Andrew O’Keefe’s Mrs

In another case of the horror of shoes, Mrs O’Keefe wears 2007’s early contender for ugliest shoe of the year. If she were starring in a live stage version of the Jetson’s, playing Judy Jetson, these are the exact shoes I’d give her for the role. Yes, Judy Jetson had a pretty cool life, if you’re going to copy anything from it Mrs O, copy the robot maid, not the shoes.


Kathryn Eisman

Clearly Kathryn’s debilitating stoop disease hasn’t cured up over Christmas cause she’s still ducking that head, in case at any moment a random game of limbo will start up. She also has made a New Year’s resolution to save on costs, hence the weekend tennis dress getting a run a not one, but two events. Very resourceful Kathryn.

Melissa George

Oh Melissa! You are such a rosebud of ill conceived fashion. You, of the tulip Logies dress from years ago! I think Tiffani Wood looks up to you in so many ways and here, in this 80’s prom dress ensemble inclusive of horrid 80’s bob, she sees beauty. Sadly, no one else does.


Rose Byrne

Obviously to be considered an IT girl in this country, you must abandon fashion sense. Rose Byrne, one of the original modern IT girls, clearly has. This ill fitting pinafore dress with handy fly wire netting at the bottom has its practicalities. Sneaking booze into venues – check. But there must a reason Rose looks some glum and I’d hazard a guess at the dress.


Russell Crowe

An interpreted speech of Russell’s for his two fans bases

High brow movie goers
Ladies and Gentleman
It’s great honour to be here
A celebration of Australian customs
My next lofty Oscar bid is due soon
My kind thanks for having me are with you all

Knock Your Head In Band Groupies
Punters and Pissheas, please rise
It’s rocks to check youse all out
To get pissed on Bundy + Cokes
The album’s comin’, just workin’ shit out
If anyone comes near me, I’ll thump your head in


Rachel Griffiths

This is what happens when people spend too much time with Calista Flockhart. Obviously being her ‘sister’ (I’m sorry Seven but it looks like a knock-off Desperate Housewives – I’ve already seen dodgy stuff in swimming pools) is affecting poor Rachel. Calista’s probably sitting around the craft services table going ‘it’s okay I’ve a half a lettuce leaf with 8 litres of water for lunch, I’m okay’ and poor Rach feels the need to compete. Don’t compete Rach’s it’s not worth it!


Tara Reid

This whole PR stunt was just too funny. I mean, besides what she’s wearing, Tara was in town to sell a horse! Tara’s career has stalled so badly, she’s opening for a horse. Imagine her Agent starting that conversation – it’s a guaranteed laugh-fest


Golden Globes

And while I normal don’t touch the OS celebs, I can’t resist a Awards Show. It’s my favourite time of year! Here’s the Top 10 Best and Worst Globes dressing.


1. Fierce! Take that Ryan P – I’m dumped your ass for a reason


2 Someone who clearly understand dressing for her body size with class and elegance. And I love her!


3 Beautiful girl, beautiful dress and she dates the Bubble! Imagine the singalongs they’d have.


4 Yeah life must really be hard for them, being so hideously ugly and all


5 Drew can vary so wildly, I’m extra pleased when she gets it right


6 The colour is so stunning that is makes up for the fact it’s boring. Hot hair too.


7 Just something a little different for the younging and I like it.


8 It’s hard when you’re not Angie, and I think Tina Fey is brilliant and she looks cool here.


9 she’s not a stick figure and she can dress for that. Hair do rocks!


10 Not necessarily my cup of dress tea but I love the ‘FFlecks and imagine the bathroom showdown between Bennifer Version 1 and Version 2! Garner will kick your ass Lopez.

Worst


1 Yeah, that ain’t going bring the sexy back. Scarlett’s at home laughing.


2 For someone who can look out of this world magical, she screwed up.


3 Gillian is a serious actress, the only explanation.


4 Nothing like testing the theory of I look good in anything. Still a tablecloth is taking it a bit too far.


5 Maria Von Tropp worn a very similar colour when returning home from her honeymoon. The nazi’s drove her out of town.


6 Yeah Michael Bolton, you’re marrying that! Any one else flashing back to Cassie Lane’s ugly Brownlow number.


7 How to increase the size of your body? Wear curtains.


8 There’s a cat going nuts a TV screen right now, trying to chase the balls.


9 There’s supporting your TV show, Grey’s Anatomy and then there’s wearing your TV show!


10 Evoking Celine and her tricksy tuxedo, this take it to a whole new level Tux-e-dress!