The Harsh Light of Day

Firstly, I don’t like to pretend I’m a seer-into-the-future girl. Only because before you know it I’ll be on late night TV, telling you to call for the latest in-depth astral projection when in truth, I know nothing! That being SAID, I still call ‘told you so’ on a Mr Matthew Newton. In December 8’s post, I quote: you’re looking a little sketchy these days. A little red rimmed around the eyes. HELLO, yes it’s no smoking gun but I’m pretty on the ball, if I say so myself. I’d also like to stand on my soapbox and say, Brooke you are very brave and awesome person in my view. I think the press totally went easy on one M Newton and while I don’t condone a public lynching – HE BEAT HER, TWICE - allegedly! And people were saying what a poor boy he was, and how unfortunate it all was. Well, I don’t think so, the MAN BEAT HER - allegedly and was so violent the cops had to hold him for 11 hours allegedly – that’s nothing something they do normally, my friends on the force confirm that! All I can say is, boy, Lauren isn’t looking as bad as she used to.

Okay, I’m getting off the box – back to what I do best, fashion lynching.

Alyssa McLelland

While there is no doubt that Alyssa is a lovely young up and coming actress – who bares such a strong resemblance to the woman off Cold Case, that a smart agent would send her picture into that show, so she could feature in a flashback episode! – her fashion is leaving my case pretty damn cold. The jeans and top are fine, very blah, but hey you do what you can, but the shoes – oh the horror! It’s like a formal surgical bootie!


Andrew O’Keefe’s Mrs

In another case of the horror of shoes, Mrs O’Keefe wears 2007’s early contender for ugliest shoe of the year. If she were starring in a live stage version of the Jetson’s, playing Judy Jetson, these are the exact shoes I’d give her for the role. Yes, Judy Jetson had a pretty cool life, if you’re going to copy anything from it Mrs O, copy the robot maid, not the shoes.


Kathryn Eisman

Clearly Kathryn’s debilitating stoop disease hasn’t cured up over Christmas cause she’s still ducking that head, in case at any moment a random game of limbo will start up. She also has made a New Year’s resolution to save on costs, hence the weekend tennis dress getting a run a not one, but two events. Very resourceful Kathryn.

Melissa George

Oh Melissa! You are such a rosebud of ill conceived fashion. You, of the tulip Logies dress from years ago! I think Tiffani Wood looks up to you in so many ways and here, in this 80’s prom dress ensemble inclusive of horrid 80’s bob, she sees beauty. Sadly, no one else does.


Rose Byrne

Obviously to be considered an IT girl in this country, you must abandon fashion sense. Rose Byrne, one of the original modern IT girls, clearly has. This ill fitting pinafore dress with handy fly wire netting at the bottom has its practicalities. Sneaking booze into venues – check. But there must a reason Rose looks some glum and I’d hazard a guess at the dress.


Russell Crowe

An interpreted speech of Russell’s for his two fans bases

High brow movie goers
Ladies and Gentleman
It’s great honour to be here
A celebration of Australian customs
My next lofty Oscar bid is due soon
My kind thanks for having me are with you all

Knock Your Head In Band Groupies
Punters and Pissheas, please rise
It’s rocks to check youse all out
To get pissed on Bundy + Cokes
The album’s comin’, just workin’ shit out
If anyone comes near me, I’ll thump your head in


Rachel Griffiths

This is what happens when people spend too much time with Calista Flockhart. Obviously being her ‘sister’ (I’m sorry Seven but it looks like a knock-off Desperate Housewives – I’ve already seen dodgy stuff in swimming pools) is affecting poor Rachel. Calista’s probably sitting around the craft services table going ‘it’s okay I’ve a half a lettuce leaf with 8 litres of water for lunch, I’m okay’ and poor Rach feels the need to compete. Don’t compete Rach’s it’s not worth it!


Tara Reid

This whole PR stunt was just too funny. I mean, besides what she’s wearing, Tara was in town to sell a horse! Tara’s career has stalled so badly, she’s opening for a horse. Imagine her Agent starting that conversation – it’s a guaranteed laugh-fest


Golden Globes

And while I normal don’t touch the OS celebs, I can’t resist a Awards Show. It’s my favourite time of year! Here’s the Top 10 Best and Worst Globes dressing.


1. Fierce! Take that Ryan P – I’m dumped your ass for a reason


2 Someone who clearly understand dressing for her body size with class and elegance. And I love her!


3 Beautiful girl, beautiful dress and she dates the Bubble! Imagine the singalongs they’d have.


4 Yeah life must really be hard for them, being so hideously ugly and all


5 Drew can vary so wildly, I’m extra pleased when she gets it right


6 The colour is so stunning that is makes up for the fact it’s boring. Hot hair too.


7 Just something a little different for the younging and I like it.


8 It’s hard when you’re not Angie, and I think Tina Fey is brilliant and she looks cool here.


9 she’s not a stick figure and she can dress for that. Hair do rocks!


10 Not necessarily my cup of dress tea but I love the ‘FFlecks and imagine the bathroom showdown between Bennifer Version 1 and Version 2! Garner will kick your ass Lopez.

Worst


1 Yeah, that ain’t going bring the sexy back. Scarlett’s at home laughing.


2 For someone who can look out of this world magical, she screwed up.


3 Gillian is a serious actress, the only explanation.


4 Nothing like testing the theory of I look good in anything. Still a tablecloth is taking it a bit too far.


5 Maria Von Tropp worn a very similar colour when returning home from her honeymoon. The nazi’s drove her out of town.


6 Yeah Michael Bolton, you’re marrying that! Any one else flashing back to Cassie Lane’s ugly Brownlow number.


7 How to increase the size of your body? Wear curtains.


8 There’s a cat going nuts a TV screen right now, trying to chase the balls.


9 There’s supporting your TV show, Grey’s Anatomy and then there’s wearing your TV show!


10 Evoking Celine and her tricksy tuxedo, this take it to a whole new level Tux-e-dress!