The Harsh Light of Day

Bridget McIntyre

So Bridge, how was the school formal? Did you pick up? I bet you went to an after party and spewed your guts up? No, just me then. Seriously honey, you’re a grown woman, you’ve got a good job and you could be smoky eyed hot. You seem to have gone with raiding Ivana Trump’s wardrobe instead.


Bella Servanti

See I like Bella, always have, always will. Primarily because I think she listens to me, she hears what I have to say. I love her with the glasses, I can’t quite explain it but it just adds that something extra. The dress and belt ensemble is also something I like …not love. Yes, the cork shoes could be burnt and have their ashes spread far away but I will forgive it. Only if we keep communicating so well - stay in touch Bel.


Elizabeth Lee

What a shockingly unflattering cut outfit. A mis-shapen sack of white that sits in completely the wrong spots on dear Liz. Also the black toe nails – no Liz, no. You’re not a rock star despite your husband’s horrible Bollywood efforts. So unless you’re Lisa Marie Presley or Hilary Duff, you don’t get to wear black nail polish at evening wear events.


Georgie Sinclair

See against all my better judgements and past rants, against my loathing and hatred and probably because I’ve had three glasses of red with dinner, I actually like it. OH MY LORD. Firstly, the colours work well together, the tights for an unknown reason look good and because she’s kept it simple and classic with modern twist it works. Am I going soft in my old age?


Georgie Sinclair 2

Thankfully Ms Sinclair gave me the chance to remind myself that no, I’m not going soft in my old age. There are just so many jokes to make, I don’t know where to start. Some sort of witty pun regarding balls, I’m sure. Hitting something for a six. How about the cricket team wanting to be in deep slip? Obvious jokes aside, Georgie you’re breasts aren’t separate dates. I’ve said it before and it bears repeating unless the invitation specifically requests your breasts presence separate to yours then there is no excuse for this.


Haley Bracken

We go to together like sha na na, do wap ditty. We go to together like a giant and his Sandy-esque midget wife. What would possess someone to believe that a giant puff pink silk skirt with sparkly bodice was the sure fire winner on the red carpet? Just typing the sentence makes me cringe. Like a school rock entry Eisteddfod gone bad.


Mitchell Johnson’s date

While the lime, no lemon, dress isn’t setting my world on fire, it’s nothing compared to those shoes. Why white? Where does the dress at all call for white? And then to further insult the lime, no lemon dress, the white shoes are a bastard child of black ones. The clumpy black heel is an eyesore on par with Britney’s lack of underwear. That may possibly be a minor overstatement but with tough love, comes, um…you know…toughness.


Woman 1

You know how Dulux Paint stores have said that you can take any colour sample into their stores and they will match it perfectly. What coulour would Dulux call this dress? The last minute before throwing up green? A water restriction cheat front yard yellow-green?


Lara Bingle

Well, she is a brave girl that Bingers! I’m very surprised we didn’t have an episode of Cheaters on our hand with Alex Fevola standing on the side screaming obscenities and throwing manicured claw scratches in Binger’s direction. Bingers has taken the Abbie Cornish fashion of denial style. ‘What me, this pretty girl in a tent, as if I could even steal a man? No one likes me in my tent, I’m not sexy, no.’


Lee Furlong

There is just always something with a Vegas touch to Lee. No matter how close she comes, the old casino style can’t seem to disappear. It’s a very pretty white dress, a little glitzy on the empire bust line but oh well. But that bag? How practical could that really be? And if it’s not practical it better look good and sorry Lee, but it ain’t either.


Nicole Livingston

Look, as an athlete you must have had to watch your diet and exercise like crazy and be in supreme condition and I completely understand the joy it must be to sit on the couch and eat Tim Tams but at least dress appropriately. This dress mocks you Nicole, it hung in the closest and decided to rebel against you. You helped it immensely by wearing hideously black toe covered shoes which are the completely wrong thing to wear. But in essence Nicole, the dress hates you, hates with the fire of a thousand's sun.


Sara Groen

See, some people may think this is dowdy and boring and but I see classy and elegant. The above the knee is complimented by high neck line. The pattern is cute and fresh and her shoes are to die for, I mean I will die for them Sara, please. It’s all good to report here and that makes me equally happy and sad (what if everyone gets a clue?).


Woman 2

I can see, sort of, maybe, if I squint my eyes, how this lassy though she was on a good thing. Black and white, you generally can’t go wrong with. The pleating is very in at the moment. And it’s got this lacy empire waist thing, that’s different isn’t it? No Mystery woman, it’s all very off target here. The pleating is about a metre too long. The black and white need to match, not be a cream lace and white trim. And the lacy empire waist thing, to quote Ethan Hawke ‘looks like a doily!’