The Harsh Light of Day

Bree Amer

Bree was kind enough to help out all those photo desks just dying for a publicity shot of her by having a studio session. Good call Bree. However, I don’t think the images help poor little Bree. Firstly, is the above shot supposed to be hilariously ironic? Are there subliminal messages being sent to us about the power of reality TV?


Bree Amer 2

I can definitely imagine the photographer’s direction here: ‘Bree, you’re a tiger, you’re a seductress, you’re on fire! Give it to me baby!’ Sadly, it just comes off as ‘Bree, tell us current opposition leader?’


Danielle Foote

Danielle as you or may not thanks-to-therapy remember is that annoying singing one in last year’s Big Brother. Clearly Big Brother contestants are continuing their efforts in the world domination of worst orange tan title and Danielle does them proud here tonight. The must-have because everyone, literally everyone, seriously most of the world, belt, is of course present and accounted for.


Danii Minogue

It excites me a huge amount that Danii is back for me to criticize. She brings a whole, zany Tiffani Wood-style to every occasion. Firstly, what event manager decided it was a good idea for her to lean seductively against the set from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Secondly, Danii is channeling Miss Havilland from Great Expectations here ‘Darling – when I was young lady the men, would swoon!’


Erin McNaught

Wow, Erin, really, really, really misjudged the ‘just got out of bed look’ as a literal look. In an ugly heeled version of my t-bar school sandals with shapeless sheets and mussed hair, I’m not sure what the goal is here but Erin, honey, it ain’t working.


Jo Stanley

Hello Miss Stanley! A very respectable outing, where besides the pussy’s bow around your neck, it’s a classy and ladylike effort. Especially standing in front of the Biggest Loser fat set.


Jaynie Seal

It’s funny, most fashionistas say, take off one item when you the leave house. So I looked at Jaynie and wanted her to take off the belt. But then, I wanted her to take off those shoes. And then the dress was pretty standard. And the handbag could go to. So the only result ended up being that Jaynie should take herself off the red carpet. Solves all problems really.


Jenny Morris & Kerry Armstrong

Usually when two celebrities wear the same outfit, one looks ten times better and basically makes the other look horrid and forever shames them. Here Jenny fights against having a tough set of ladies to control under that dress (it’s a tough fight Jenny and I salute you) while Kerry illustrates what a horrible pattern it is by teaming it with shoes the devil made in the woodshop expo he recently had in hell. Nobody wins on either side here.

Kate Dearugo

I think with Kate, like Stephanie McIntosh before her, it’s going to be a long road of rehabilitation. Like Britney didn’t quite take to rehab the first go, Kate hasn’t quite taken to fashion. Kate, it’s often said, shoes maketh the lady and well, I’m pretty sure Speeds or Payless haven’t ever helped in that endeavour. Still, you’ve started to dress a little better for your shape, although as I’ll discuss in detail later, animal print is forbidden, no matter what Ricki-Lee may tell you.


Amanda Keller

While managing to hold down your coffee from snorting through your nostrils remember that Amanda is not a stripper, she isn’t the Chippendales roving agent, always on the look out for new talent and she isn’t the head waitress at the newly styled evening Hooters. She is merely a radio presenter who danced a bit. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe.


Krystal Forscutt

In Part Two of I’m a Big Brother Contestant and I’m Browner Than You, Krystal manages to top her fellow attendee with a stunning shade of orange. What’s actually sad, as mentioned by a preview viewer of this week’s post is many, including a lot of blokes, will think this is hot and Krystal is fashionable.


Kerri-Anne

In a way, you kind of have to expect this from Kezza. Her name is after all Kerri-Anne. The love of gold though, I believe is her way of gunning for the Gold Logie she so richly thinks she deserves. It seems like this outfit was cast together from the offcuts of spare old dresses Kezza’s used before. Sadly those dresses were probably awful too.

Kate Langbroek

See, again a fellow preview viewer of this week’s post (JF) sums it up best ‘what’s sad is that some one not only wears this ensemble, but that some one owns each piece of clothing that makes up that outfit in their wardrobe.’

The Gents – this is just a perve section!

Aaron Eckhart

PHWOOOAARRR!!!! I’m mean --- PHWOOOOAAAAR. I just saw Thank You For Smoking and combine the Phwoar-ness with his charm and man, I was almost chain smoking! So again, I say, PHWWOOOOAAARRR!


Clive Owen

Again, it’s a smouldering, brooding, Heathcliffe on the moors type of thing, that really works for me. It’s the man who could throw you over his shoulder if he had too and boy, Clive could throw me over anything he likes. Those dreamy green/blue eyes, that I’m wounded, and underneath all this maniless I just want you to love me. Oh Clive, I’d love you.


Leo DiCaprio

Look at Leo all grown up. The boy who adorned my Year 9 science folder as Romeo, the boy wannabe man who I mocked when Titanic came out but secretly harbored (get it!) a crush on. Leo, who’s now a man! A Blood Diamond Departed man. To prove he’s a man, he’s got stuck into the hair gel, in a big way. Leo, I and many others loved those long free roaming locks, let them go, give them freedom – we’ll still believe you’re a man.

The Carpet


Angie Harmon and Jason Seahorn

Okay, firstly, let it be said, that I have a little soft spot for these two. He proposed to her on Jay Leno and it was sweet and lovely and completely unexpected from her perspective and I just about cried. Okay, I’d been single for a while! Still, I think she’s exotically fantastic, I think the dress is beautiful and bedded and they match in a hotness level, I’d like to be.


Ali Larter

Being the slutty stripper on Heroes, I guess means you have to dress nicely come award time. Remind people that it’s just a character after all. Still, I’m a lot over this terrible tucked in look, it just screams, I went to the toilet and was so drunk I thought I was all un-tucked but oops, no I’m not. Ladies, untuck those dresses and be FREE!


Beyonce

There are many a theories re Miss B, how she was snubbed for an Oscar (she wasn’t, the performance was good, she isn’t in Helen’s league), how she lost all this weight to win over people. It’s many, many, many a theory however here’s a few things to note. Beyonce’s all back to the curves that made us ‘Crazy in Love’. In an interview with Dick Wilkins, she mentioned her mother’s picked her clothes. Let’s just say, if my mum picked my clothes I would certainly not be wearing this!


Cate Blanchett

Here, here is the lady of the carpet. She is unique, she’s on the fashion trend (metallic) and she looks fantastic without looking pinched, snapped, or sick *cough* Nicole *cough*.


Celine Dion

I know Miss Dion’s been getting on in the years but is the hip replacement really that bad? Before people panic (EL) it’s not callots, and considering this is the woman who wore a backwards white tuxedo and hat in previous years, this is a remarkable outfit. But don’t worry, at the Vanity Fair party, she tops herself!


Celine Dion 2

The Mary Kate sky rocket shoes, teamed with over used opaque tights and then satin smock dress that bags around her like a kite on a blowy day. The belt that doesn’t sit on the right level as the lining, and to top it off, the dog collar of shame! It’s pure trash-tastic turns Euro designer in Vegas and I love it! In the way that I hate it – you know.


Emily Blunt

The Buble and Blunt. It sounds like a Roald Dahl story really, but as I’ve said before I think these two are impossibly cute and funky and I bet they would be fantastic dinner party guests (if I had a dinner party!). I love her dress and I think it’s the way to shine and sparkle without looking like the disco ball that should be strung up in the local hall.


Eva Green

I’ve got a pretty good idea that Eva’s friends made her a bet. They said ‘Eva, because you looked pretty hot in Casino Royale, because you rocked a tooty English accent and wore fantastic dresses and had a rolicking little scene with Dan, the man, we bet you, we challenge you: look horrendous, look like Moriticia Adams, scare the crap out of everyone. We bet you Eva.’ And I think Eva has given it a mighty good crack.


Ellen Pompeo

Next week on Grey’s Anatomy: Meredith catches a rare Spanish Salsa disease ‘En-Hot-a-Macaras-Litis’ causing her to ramble in a local dialect from El Salvador and wear Carmen Miranda inspired outfits. Derek in attempt to be supportive creates a fruit head dress to match but Alex eats all the fruit before Meredith can croak her appreciation.


Elizabeth Shue

Liz, I’m so glad you made it, did you make the potato salad? Awwh thanks for that, just pop the beer out the back, and come and join the girls in the kitchen, the boys are at the BBQ, you know. You look lovely for this Sunday afternoon get together, specially for a backyard catch up but you always did dress up for the special occasion. What? Sorry, what now? Oscar who?


Ginnifer Goodwin & Chris Klein

There comes a time in every EX's life where they are just going to run into their EX with the new partner. It’s uncomfortable, awful and you spend an entire day preparing for it. Here was the show day of 07 with all parties to the crazy Tom Cruise – Katie Holmes union. I feel for Chris, cause he clearly went through some heartache, some long nights and now after scraping himself out of the bottle and finding an eerily similar new girlfriend, she doesn’t support him by bringing her A game. She looks trashy and the bag and dress have no business together.


Gywneth Paltrow

I like it and here’s why: Gwyn and Oscar, have had a pretty damn rocky relationship. There’s that whole winning thing for Shakespeare in Love, let’s just not talk about that! There’s the whole pink prom dress thing. There’s the whole ugly cry thing. There’s the whole braided Heidi hair that other year thing. There’s that not wearing a bra thing. So ladies, gents, think of those occasions, take a moment, reflect. She looks pretty good now doesn’t she! Yes, the hair distracts from the dress, and it reminds me a little of Michelle Williams last year but again: think, reflect, admire.


Hayden Painterrie

Little Hayden (stupid name aside) is beginning to impress me. It’s youthful, funky, classy (it’s Vanity Fair people) and there’s not a opaque tight or mis matching belt in sight. Damn right save the Cheerleader.


Joely Fisher

Wow – wait, not a good wow – but a wow, does that look painful. Her boobs are crying with pain, hell, my boobs are crying with pain just looking at it. For a woman with curves, it’s never a good thing to actually have lines like virtual street directory pointing out hippy hill. Also good to check the size and maybe think about that in relation to your own.