The Harsh Light of Day

Alex Fevola

Alex and I, we hung out – Runaway 6, talking the talk, walking the walk. Waving across the aisle to Dicko and Co, paying serious attention for her new job as Fashion Reporter from Nine (Mia Freedman must be dying). Well, we would have hung out, had I not been a few rows behind her, but only a few! Still, even from a few rows back I did spot Alex’s need to maybe check the mirror before leaving the house. I know it can be tough being a single mum and all but remember Alex, to match the bra and top otherwise it’s a polka dotted crashes floral lingerie mess.


Alex Fevola Part 2

Maintaining the fashionista world can be hard Alex, I hear ya. It’s clearly draining you, as the next night we see a little circled eyed, a little more tatty Fevola. Again, lingerie versus top face off. In this world of wars, and famine and kids dying in Darfur and Palestine Versus Israel, surely, surely, bras and tops can come together in perfect harmony and provide a roadmap for peace. (you have to be impressed with my linking war and lingerie in one easy step.)


Anna – Hamish Blake’s Girl

It must be tough for Anna. Her boyfriend and his mate, all normal and then a little radio and a little funny and bam, it’s an overnight sensation. So she’s fighting of the ladies cramming for some celebrity action and then Andy really helps things out by shacking up with a supermodel. Bet that makes Tuesday Date Night really fun for poor Anna! Still, if you’re going to make a fight of it Anna and I hope you do, maybe the stripes from a beach towel and belt/boobs from Dr Quinn Medicine Woman, aren’t the best challenge.


Giaan Rooney

Well hello Giaan! From the girl who and I quote myself (cause I’m an authority) looks like she ‘tumbled out of the stripper barrel at Spotlight’, this is a vast, massive, giant yet dainty step forward. Gone are the garish fabrics and Year 11 Formal hair and replaced with fashion black, beautiful, beautiful blow waved hair and unique and individual shoes. Extra points for make up being natural yet sophisticated.


Jenny Bannister

Velkome, Velkome, to Ukraine Idol. After Yvengy’s stirrink rendition ‘Vhat About Me?’ We have Mariska, to my vight, and her hot stuff interpretation of ‘Man, I Feel Like a Voman!’


Kate Ritchie

In the slide further and further down the fashion chain, Kate proves believing one’s press is often a killer. Did she let Nicki Webster do her hair? Cause there’s some serious over styling going on there Kate. And, what are, in all that is holy, those shoes? I don’t know if I’d even classify them as shoes. Did you forget to do them up? Zipper get stuck? Or did you step in a red paint bucket? Either way, they ain’t cool.


The Neighbours Lassie’s – Natalie Blair & Pippa Black

Natalie’s dress isn’t at all bad. Very Natalie Portman delicate and lovely which means when you team them with stripper cork shoes, the effect tends to get diluted. Also, it requires a more…demure pose. But Pippa really gets the short change in fashion again – the horrible shoes won’t leave her feet, and the dress, is very patriotic. If she were entering an Irish dancing competition she’d be set. Michael Flately stage left please!


Sam Brett

Sam Brett is now on the permanent celebrity guest list. This will prove equally entertaining as well as proving that anyone can really, with little talent, be a celebrity. Sam continues to show no originality with her ten months behind the play dressing, and growing resemblance to Rachel Zoe. Wait for it, December 09, Sam’s going to start rocking the leggings. And before you say it, hell yes it's professional jealousy. I'd love an excuse to swan about and 'blog' about my modern day 'dating' dramas!


Sarah Blasko

See, I bet you all think I’m some fuddy duddy, who is going to rail against Miss Blasko for looking like Grandma on Sunday’s but no, I’m not. This is perfect for Sarah and she looks comfortable and still classy, cool and relaxed. It would be stupid for her to turn up in Sarah Murdoch’s outfits and vice-a-versa but each makes their own thing work and I recognise that! That’s right, you know it!


Stella McCartney Sales

This is how I like to see fashion pursued people, with elbows, violent jabs and bitchy-ness. These were the brilliant scenes from Target following Stella’s limited edition range and boy, I wish they had sold seats. From reports, there was snatching, grabbing, mannequin dismembering and all round crazy town. Other on the ground reporters (shout out SD) tell a different story of shoppers bonding in the queue. Of mother’s lining up for sleepy daughters (line up yourself, lazy bum). Of size sharing, of hand holding and peace, love and Ben Lee seranading that we're all in this together (some parts of that statement may be untrue). Still while that sounds lovely and civilised, I’m sorry, but I prefer my sales Jerry Springer style, if someone isn’t naked or bleeding it’s just no fun.

Richard Nylon Millenary

Ladies, part of my on the ground attendance at Melbourne Fashion Festival was L'Oreal Runaway Six and let’s just say the highlight, aside from attending, was Richard and his hats. Possibly highlight is the wrong word but fun was had watching these babies make their way down the runway.


Hat 1

She’s either auditioning for a role in The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe – White Witch Returns: A Snow Ball’s Chance in Hell or she had a nasty accident in Superman’s Fortress of Solitude.


Hat 2

That’s some monster pimples exploding there! I think mine are bad but ooch.


Hat 3

Suzy hoped that no one would notice her new braces head gear.


Hat 4

I believe this to be a political statement against turbine wind farms. Poor birds never saw it coming.


Hat 5

NewsFlash: Foxtel begins to crack down on inventive ways to receive Cable television.


Hat 6

The honey farmer wondered had he encouraged his wife’s new desire to sew and visit Spotlight a little too much.