Tuesday, March 06, 2007
The Southerners Fashion Throw Down
Anthony Callea
"What? I’m sorry? You mean David Jones wasn’t the theme?! Seriously? I was on eBay for hours tracking down a horrendous shirt and belt and matching it with the pants. I went and matched it with the bloody shoes too. I mean it’s not like I wear this stuff normally. As if I’d wear white shoes and an awful oversized jacket? I do not! Oh, shut up."
Amy Pollard
Why do beautiful young women with fantastic amazing figures believe dressing like potato sacks is the way to go? Also why do they believe that jazzy thongs are appropriate for the red carpet? (yes, I know there is no actual red carpet but you know what I mean) Amy pulled off the Brownlow dress of the year in 06, this year she pulled of the Safeway bag of potato dress.
Grant Hackett & Candice Alley
Grant’s been saying planning a wedding and moving to Melbourne and fiancée Candice have been a bit distracting for him from that old swimming thing. I can see why! Candice looks swimming (I’m here all week, tip your waitress!) and I love this classic/modern black dress, that's classy and elegant with the right amount of sex appeal. Who needs a Gold Medal when you’ve got this little baby on the arm.
Camilla Frank
I’m ignoring Anneleise because I’m immediately drawn to the giant couch standing next to her. And before you all get up in arms about my hard line on her weight it’s got nothing to do with that. It’s the fact dear Camilla has take the slip cover off her couch and hey presto it’s an outfit! Shazaam no it’s not!
Danni Minogue
In the continuation of 'my serviette is my dress', 'my potato sack is my outfit'. I’ll give points to Danni for the beautiful red colour which some what saves this dress but the length and the fit are abhorrant.
Emily Browning
Em is divine, she is a beautiful young actress and has a very bright future ahead of her. There is no need to dress as a trash bag though, I know you’re an independent movie girl but that doesn’t mean you dress as the poor pauper cousin of the real movie stars. Actually this dress reminds me of one thing very important…I need to pick up more bin liners. I will be kind to Em, and ignore the court shoes desperately picking their way out of the grass – stay low court shoes.
Gemma Gawnd
There’s Harry Highpants and then there is Sally Slides So Far Up You Bottom Skirt. Gemma attempts to be so hip with her high skirt and blue blouse. She ends up looking dated and past her prime. Actually a fashion reflection of her celeb life maybe. Ironic self referential dressing is great.
Jennifer Hawkins
I’m all for J-Hawk. She’s the epitome of the girl next door. She's Alison Brahe without the infinite Dolly covers. I think she’s played the fifteen minutes game better than anyone in the past five years and for that I’m happy. The dress is fine, hair is fine, my problem is the decision by someone to have the photo shoot in Luna Park’s House of Crazy Mirrors! Okay, it wasn’t actually at Luna Park but you could have fooled me! We also get a fantastic view of the attending media which is a great way to brag to your boss that you did your job but it’s not that nice for people at home.
Jade McRae
So hot right now! Well, not really. In fact, quite dowdy right now would be better. As a fellow curly girl, I understand how fun it is to go straight, I’d never have a fringe of fright though. A baggy saggy glitter top…boring! And here we go again with the court shoe invasion! Why???? People why???
Jo Silvangi
I think Jo and I are very alike. Especially at the moment, freakily alike. I think she is dealing with the humidity by flattening her hair! I think she’s covering an incredibly burnt cleavage (don’t ask!) with a grey rollneck. It’s like we’re living the same life. Whether that life equates to good fashion sense I don’t think so. Unlike Jo however, my impossibly cute ageless footballer husband isn't around these days.
Laura Csortan
Listen Laura, I’m all for having a fab set. I’m all for showing the best asset. And you’re lucky, you’ve got quite a few assets to work with. What I’m not all for is bringing the ladies and then having your dinner companion accidentally grab a breast when they innocently believed the bread rolls had just been put on the table. I’m not all for that.
The Newtons – Part 1
Look, it’s an event in Melbourne: the Newtons must be here. Patti trotts out the usual the slacks and jacket number with the frosted tips and that’s fine, it’s been working for her for over twenty years, so go for it. Lauren continues to drive me mad, absolutely over the edge, with her twenty years behind the play fashion. She’s finally cottoned onto the leggings, only six months and three rehab trips later. The lace tablecloth highlights her efforts in ugly dressing!
The Newtons – Part 2
Lauren and Matt Newton, sorry Welsh, prove that you can always, always have too much of a bad thing. Lauren picks up the fashion trail a little quicker this week, she’s onto the animal print and let me take this opportunity to say it. I hate animal print, I see it must be coming into fashion but my god, I tell you all right now, I’m staking a fight against it. I’m making a stand. If you can show me one person who looks classy, elegant and beautiful in animal print, I’ll do something crazy. (see how open ended I am!)
Lindy Rama
See Lindy, I know you’re a princess, and I know you’re royalty and I know generally you dress very well. I know that animal print is trying to come back into fashion. I know we are trying to be ‘green’ and recycle. But Lindy, an animal itself is not fashion and wearing road kill while very kind to the environment means you will probably smell as well as look pretty damn stupid.
Natalie Bassingthwaite
How was the trip overseas Nat? Get everything done you needed to do? Pulled everything together? Needled your way into a few places? Inflated your time? All this terribly secretive suggestions are also highlighted by a fugly, fugly dress that hits her at exactly, exactly, exactly the wrong spot on her thigh! What a nip/tuckin’ shame.
Pippa Black
In a dress that needs an appointment with a tailor, preferably with Pippa in it, she looks swamped and makes me think she borrowed Mum’s clothes. The Cleopatra shoes are also terribly awful. Which is quite suitable considering how Pippa apparently behaved at the event. Pippa word of warning, don't piss of the fashionistas, they will burn you! Think Ugly Betty but like ten times worse and without the cute boss.
Stephanie McIntosh
OH GOD!! I thought we saved you Steph, I know we didn’t check in recently but I thought that’s because you were doing well. And now, you turn up in this! Looking like that! We’ve had words, we’ve spoken, we’ve begged and it seems to no avail. Well, if that won’t work think of this: the last celebrity to wear cowboy boots on a repeated basis and rock ratty blonde hair extensions was Britney Spears. Look where the path of vice leads Stephanie. Should I prepare the clippers or will you save yourself?
Tatiana G
For a very big long-winded drawn out moment I was sacred last night. For Tats was in the bottom two on Dancing with the Stars and I worried, worried like crazy that Tats would be eliminated and her D grade re-emergence would be over. With outfits like this, I hope she wins the damn thing. It’s so absurd, so bizarre, so very Tiffani Wood, so Grease Lightening, so Danny and Sandy Zuko (they got married in my head) and I love it - in a funny ironic way, just so we’re clear.
