The Harsh Light of Day

Avril Lavigne

Wow Avril, way to dress up for the occasion. Sure, I know you were performing later but I’m pretty sure that there were dressing rooms – in fact there was a Maybelline sponsored green room. This outfit is a worse version of what appeared at the Frankston Shopping Centre, the past Sunday. Also fire immediately whoever did your eye make up, because never was Panda Eyes a more truer statement.

Ada Nicodemou

Why would someone who is known for being…well…pint size, decide that wrapping themselves up in shiny curtain would be a step on the road to hot stuff. Add into the mix ratty old hair extensions and the always useful piece of fabric from her wedding dress. Considering it cost a rumoured 80,000 I would maybe have used more of the fabric and a little less of the curtains.

Brooke Hanson

Oh Brooke, you may need to speak with Giaan Rooney. Right now you’re wearing Georgie Parker’s cast offs from last years Logies and looking more bulked up than Trainer Jillian from the Biggest Loser. Lots to learn little (or not) Brookey, lots too learn.

Eddie & Carla Maguire

For a mumma of three, you’ve got to hand it to Carla. She looks pretty damn good. While not being particularly enamoured with this outfit, I still think she works it to her best assets and does a very nice job of escorting the Eddie McShiny Face Maguire.

Guy Sebastian & Julie

It’s nice to know that in romance, every pot has a lid. Every man has a woman. And boy, did Guy find the appropriate fuglied dressed woman to suit his needs. The always questionable skinny jeans with cuff and velvet jacket, of course disturb me. But way more questionable is Julie’s dress. Who says high neck with slits in the sleeves and billowy arms is a winner? Well Julie does but I think she’s on her own in that one.

Holly Brisley

In one respect it’s a lovely, classy dress that is a colour – thank God – and Holly looks very nice. In another respect it’s boring cut and design which relies solely on the wow factor of red and it’s formal dressing by numbers. It’s all about respects here and Aretha has that game covered.

Hamish Blake & Anna

‘OH MY GOD, my girlfriend’s got her jugs out! Holy lord they are massive. I’m not even noticing the ugly dress and its disgusting similarity to Erin McNaught’s from a few weeks earlier. I’m sure, it looks like the bedspread in my Crown penthouse, complete with dust ruffles but who the hell cares, Anna’s got the ladies on display. Take that Megan Gale!’

Holly Hughes

I feel when I look at Holly Hughes very incomplete. I feel like she kind of got dressed and then thought, I’ll just have a champers and watch a bit of the Big Brother daily show and then I’ll get onto my hair and makeup. And before you know it time ran out and quick sticks she had to run down and red carpet it. Holly one needs better time management skills.

James Morrison

It’s always tough for these international celebs. They never quite know what they are getting into with these ‘Logies’. I’m sure the publicists try and brief them but could you really brief someone about what is in all honesty an industry piss up? Still, I think James Morrison’s publicists maybe should have emphasized the words ‘red’ and ‘carpet’ instead of ‘alcohol’ and ‘chicks.’ His appearance may have been a tad more upmarket.

Jacqui O

God knows I want to hate it, I really, really do. But I’m sorry, it’s kinda of lovely and floaty and femine and she doesn’t look plastic and the colour suits her and gives her a demureness that really, is a miracle Jacqui O can achieve. Please Jacqui don’t continue down this path, I can’t continue the effort to like you, it’s so hard.

Kerri-Anne

For an old duck, I have to say Kerri-Anne and her Golden Globes look pretty damn lovely. It’s a non tiger printed loveliness that’s mature but still manages to show a bit of va-va-voom ala Helen Mirren. And yes I do realise how odd it is to place Kerri-Anne and Helen Mirren in the same phrase but I’m so damn tricky like that!

Kate Ritchie

Miss R said it herself on the red carpet – she received some many compliments on last year’s dress that it was always going to be hard to top it. Well, Kate you did you’re best, you shook the tree and something quite okay feel out. Still Kate, it’s just okay – the green is pretty nice, the dark hair and eyes suit for sure, but there’s that something missing. That present bow wrapping uniqueness just isn’t there sadly.

Kyle Sandilands & Tamara Jaber

Come on admit it, the best part of the entire coverage was watching Kyle get smacked down not once, but twice by Dave Hughes and then having the entire room applaud heartily. It certainly made my night, almost as much as seeing that again Tamara has dressed most inappropriately. Tonight she is appearing as Silver’s Circus Tent with hair styled by a Year 11 stylist from 1991. The joy is merely just looking at this picture and knowing that one day, the money will run out!

Livinia Nixon

Oh Livvy again, again and again and again you manage to look oh so brilliant on Temptation and then some how the magic just never makes its way off set. Especially when you turn up wearing something that Megan Gale wore two weeks ago to a charity event in Sydney. And let’s face it, Megan wore it better. Sorry Livvy but you just don’t possess the same IT factor, it’s not in your nice girl DNA.

Megan Gale

In the white off war that was staged last night Meggie went and took massive, giant mama steps back in her head to head battle with J-Hawk. She looked slim, trim, tanned and sparkle-tabulous. No wonder boyfriend Andy couldn’t keep his eyes open. Fierce Meggie Fierce. Bring on the next showdown.

Michael Weatherly & Alex Breckenridge

I’m all for being nice to the family, and it was very sweet that Michael took his niece. Still he may want to ditch her next time if she’s going to wear Nanna’s dress. Especially considering every woman in the room was ready to jump them sexy bones after his presenting spot. Seriously, he was naughty and you know five Neighbours ladies will end up in his room tonight but lordie, didn’t you kind of want to be one of them.

Natalie Blair

The inexplicably Gold Logie nominated (seriously, who are the Natalie Blair fans out there?) brings new meaning to term deflowered. Yes, Nat it’s nice to draw reference in an ironic way but there is X marking the spot and you’ve kind of leaned to the latter here. What’s quite sad is that actually the dress had the makings of something nice, but no it was not meant to be.