The Harsh Light of Day

Anthony Field (Blue Wiggle) and Mrs Blue Wiggle

Mrs Field is lovely looking lady and sure, it must be hard to compete with a green dinosaur who wears a kick arse hat but a good place to start would be wearing address that fits. Yes, the smock is very in right now and I won’t pretend I don’t love hiding all manner of sins beneath, but Mrs Field, I don’t have to get on a red carpet. I’m free from that pressure.

Asha Kuerten

Lovely little Asha again tries to win me over with her spunky dressing. And I’m almost won over this week…almost. Firstly Asha, the funky, cool Rihanna hairstyle is hot, kudos to the hairdresser. And I almost, almost really like the dress but you know what, almost is almost and I’ll tell you why. It’s the tights, the damn tights! They are EVERYWHERE and if common lady wears them, you should be onto the next trend. As the classic song goes: Leader of the Pack, it’s not Follower of the Pack.

Ali Mutch

Ali (who I have no idea what she does) loses the sad battle with flash photography and black lycra quality outfits. It becomes Britney-esque see through. And incredibly sorry for the awful wordplay but Ali, it’s a bit Mutch! (come on, there isn’t a small part of you that’s giggling right now?)

Anne Saunders

See originally I thought, when I first saw this outfit, that I quite liked it. However on a re-viewing, it’s a little bit of funny red. Seriously, just stare the picture for a moment and tell me the red’s not slightly orange? Also Anne’s got the completely wrong shoes on with the dress. Excellent posture though, so chiropractors approve.

Benjamin Zadig and Jerrie Readman-Lloyd

Dude, there’s being cool and then there’s being the wanker who is wearing his hoodie indoors. I mean really, come on, this is what I look like before my heating kicks in, on a cold morning. I know you’re cool director and everything but you don’t see Spielberg telling Harrison what’s next, while rocking the hoodie.

Russell Crowe & Danielle Spencer

It’s good to see that Rusty hasn’t let go of his operatic aspirations. For this coat screams Pavarotti! It’s just so odd, that there’s Rusty with his multi layers, ice-man cometh look and there’s Danni, probably freezing her bongos off in a nice little blue wrap dress. Maybe Rusty wants to share his next meat pie the Souths game with Danni, she looks like she needs it.

Elka Graham

Elka seems like a second rate Giaan Rooney is terms of media ambitions. She’s missed the proverbial boat and all the presenting slots are full now. Here she exhibits possibly why she missed that boat – no body wants to hire someone who wears their pyjama top out on the social circuit. Snuggly and cuddly it may be but it’s a pyjama top.

Erin McNaught

Is Erin’s head particularly heavy recently? Every photo I’ve seen of her it looks like she’s about to tip over! Vertical limits aside, Erin’s trying especially hard this week and I can see good things and bad. I do like the print and colours and the dress is kind of flattering so excellent step in that direction. However, it’s just a fraction to long. The dress just now gives the illusion that Erin could be hiding stilts and God knows what else under there and it’s kind of freaking me out.

Guy Sebastian

As Erin’s head tilt is becoming increasingly repetitive, so is Guy’s crossed legged, jean cuff, pointy man shoes stance. Come on Guy, you used to be one cool dude, reworking Louis Armstrong and then you let Idol stylists fool you into cuffs and it’s been down hill ever since! Find the R&B cool kid within and embrace!

Julia Belle

Actress Julia (what has anyone seen her in?) needs to go into red carpet stance school STAT! Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stand shoulder apart, front on to camera – NEVER! Not even freakin Giselle could get away with that. It’s like tempting the Gods' of widening to make you look short and stumpy and wide, when in fact, you very most likely are not. Run Julia, RUN!!!!

Jane Fleming

When will Jane Fleming’s infatuation with pale colours and crushed velvet end! It’s not like it was an infatuation that anyone shared. Did you see Charlize Theron rocking up the red carpet six months ago in green crushed velvet? No, you did not. Jane, you’ve paddled way up solo stream in your fashion choices here. Take a look around, see how no one has followed you – that should tell you something.

Kathryn Eisman

Sure, it’s cold this winter. We all got fooled by climate change and thought from now on winter would be Florida. Well it’s not, and we all learnt the hard way. However Kathryn, this does not entitle you to waltz down the red carpet like every other office girl who is layering to protect herself from the temperatures. It’s a carpet, and it’s red – respect that and dress up!

Kate Ritchie

Apparently, according to Grant Denyer mid-show, the Seven switch board was flooded with calls to tell Kate her dress was fantastic. Well, I put that down to prank calls and school holidays. Cause there is no way in hell, people actually could think this was nice. It’s as if she literally, and I mean literally, stole it from the Disney Princess on Ice collection. Can you see Ariel in this very outfit in Act 2, when she’s a human?

Paulini

OH DEAR GOD! Who has kidnapped Paulini and in her place, put a drag queen with questionable make-up skills and even more questionable fashion choices? If you have seen the real Paulini, please return her to Sony BMG where she can fulfil her obligations to the next Young Divas album – Bitch, Don’t Make Me Call Marcia Hines.

Tiffani Wood

Everyone knows my bizarre enjoyment of Tiffani – she’s just a special button. And I’m so torn every week when I see a photo of her, because I want in equal parts for it to be good, for Tiff to be glamorous and amazing and make us all sigh and say ‘good on you girl, knew you had it in you.’ But then, I want it to be horrible, to be a train wreck of colours and fabrics and make us all sigh and say ‘good on you girl, knew you had it in you.’ Which way would you go?