Sunday, August 19, 2007
Hip Hop and Nobu in Oz means no available talent to launch
Anthony Callea
Oh dear me. See Mr Callea what happens when you officially come out, is that you get to turn up at functions wearing bright colours and over the top outfits and no cares because you’re gay. Or does that seem to stereotypical Will & Grace description of homosexuality? Nevertheless, I just found the lovely original version of The Prayer on YouTube and in those halcyon days of 2004, you cleaned up very well – so go download and then repeat.
Asha Kuerten
Asha kicks off the stampede of what seemed to be animal print week. Why or what for, I’ll never know. Still, Asha, you’re a lovely looking girl and clearly you try hard, but it’s too hard, it’s all too much! This dress firstly doesn’t fit – it’s baggy and ill fitting. And really, it’s nothing that you can’t find in the Surfers Paradise strip mall for around $20.
Bobby Morley
I’m all for skater cool, and being young and hip and living on the edge, and any other Bon Jovi phrases that mean you’re bad ass but have a heart underneath. However, Bobby, this outfit isn’t even good enough for a first date, let only a red carpet. This is popping down to the supermarket for last minute supplies.
Brendan and Alex Fevola
In what was the most over-hyped event in the sense that it would be so hard to get into, Nobu, it seemed let anyone with a remote claim to fame! The Fevolas are point in case, with Brendan sporting the I am as dumb as I look facial expression and Alex trying to pretend she’s cool and classy, but honey, that act ain’t fooling nobody. We know, we saw the A Current Affair story.
Deni Hines
You’d forgive me for having to check three times that this was in fact Deni. Listen Deni, I know times are hard, and no one really wants to hear about you, and your mother has all the attention but when you start stealing her clothes, right down to her black wrap, then you’ve gone a step to far…probably three or four steps.
Shae Brewster
Sadly sometimes Getty Images mis-caption people and I, in all my hours of research, don’t check and get their names wrong (sorry Roxanne Lebrasse, you were not Jessica Mauoboy last week, maybe you should have been though, because that dress was pretty bad). Poor Saskia Burmeister has no idea that right now she’s apparently looking terrible in vomit yellow jacket, a curtains lace dress with cowboy boots. In fact it’s Shae Brewster but I worry for all the Saskia fans who are crying themselves to sleep in a dark corners right now.
DJ Havana
Yep, I’ve never heard of the DJ either but she warranted a photo so she must be somebody or she paid somebody. Either way, Fergie called and wants her look back. She doesn’t need the talent, she knows you didn’t steal that.
Debora-Lee Furness
I don’t understand, I simply don’t understand! This makes me think of that really sad scene in Love Actually, where Emma Thompson has just cottoned onto the about-to-cheat-hubbie and she says to him, she felt fat at the party, and she can only fit into Pavarotti’s clothing now. I can almost believe that Debs said the same thing to Hugh post the ball.
Fuzzy
See, it was all good, it was funky and cool and very hard to pull off but the fro and cute spunk worked for her. Right up until the moment she chose to put those stupid Munchkin-men shoes on her feet. Who cares if they are comfortable, no one – pain is beauty so suck it up Fuzzy.
Georgie Sinclair
Earlier in the week Georgie showed me how to wear a sack dress and be okay (basically it involves having a teeny, tiny waist!) Here, she undoes all her good work in getting my approval by wearing a very nicely fitted Persian Rug themed dress.
Hamish Blake, Sophie Blake and Andy Lee
Well, either Anna and Hamish are having problems (hope not), or Anna just got damn sick of sitting there telling everyone how fine she was with Megan Gale, and yes, isn’t she great! (Fight on for the normal girls Anna, fight on). The boys, look their usual spruced up selves but I see Hamish has yet to take my advice re the shave. Ham, we need to communicate.
Indiana Evans
Why so sad Indy? You look good, and sure the shoes, are pretty horrendous and don’t really go with the outfit at all, and yes, you seem to have been forced into the corner, a smile wouldn’t go astray? Maybe you’re sad because you’re carrying mum’s handbag?
Jade McRae
I don’t understand how you could physically take this off the rack, try it on and think ‘damn, I look good.’ I would try it on and then ask for a bucket! Not only is the colour truly retched but, dear lord, it does absolutely nothing for her legs! And Jade’s got some legs. Also, Courtney Act would like her shoes returned when you’re done.
Jaime Wright
WHY? Oh why, oh why! The dress, it was so pretty, and it fitted her well, and she looked cute and equally sexy. Why then, would you put the scourge of society underneath! These damn black opaques, have well and truly finished their trend run. Jaime it could have been so good, but alas, open toed shoes with stockings will never win my heart over.
Jason Smith
This is just silly. It basically is to illustrate that if you’ve spent you’re career as a nerd, and won over many tweenie girls with your cute nerd portrayal, then don’t try and pretend to be cool hip thing. It fools nobody but yourself.
Alan Fletcher and Jennifer Hansen
If the auditions for the Dusty Springfield were being held at the opening of Nobu then Jen Hansen is definitely in a with a chance for the main role. If, for some reason, she just felt like dressing like this, then well…go home.
Johanna Griggs
I understand Johanna has a busy life, making all those homes and gardens better and the always fascinating column in the New Idea each week, must be hell. Jo, I do however believe that you have time to change from the office job outfit of a fifty year old, you’ve left on for the red carpet. If not, maybe a segment on next week’s show could be about time management.
Jodhi Meares
Jodhi’s obviously saying that if a third retailer entered the fray between Myer and DJ’s, that she would represent with a fierce intensity. For the past two weeks she’s been look fine! And yes, I am completely contradicting myself with letting her stockings pass, but you know what, she wears them! She owns them. It’s all her. And that’s how half the game is won!
Jodi Gordon
While I like this outfit, it’s probably the weakest showing we’ve had from Jodi in a long time. It’s a little blah, and sure the colour jumps and she still looks miles ahead of anyone else, she just doesn’t rock it like she usually does. Sorry Jodes, high standards mean you have to always keep reaching.
Justine Clarke
I love Justine, she is so good on PlaySchool and before you mock, every actor ever had said it’s one of the hardest gigs ever – and I believe them. I think though she may be too PlaySchool these days. I see through the circle window, a bright pink leather jacket! Colours are good things to learn but so is fashion sense.
Kassandra Swavy
Again, not a clue who Kassandra is but she might need an ambulance pretty quickly. Because you’d hope she is bleeding severely from the ankles and not wearing the most atrocious shoes seen in quite a long time.
Kate Alexa
Kate Alexa gets invited to Nobu opening? Are you kidding me?! Besides the fact she is absolute nobody, she is also wearing an awful headdress thing, and another ill fitting mismatched black ensemble. I’m mean come on, Kate Alexa
Kim Watkins
Again, Kim reaches out to her fan base with the doudy housewife look now completely perfected. I’ve actually seen Kim in person, and she’s not half as dowdy as she portrays herself to be and I think Kim, you’re viewers would go with you if jazzed it up just a touch.
Kirsty Lee Alan
I’m very loathe to say this, because it’s quite blunt and really, I often try to sugar coat my Harsh-ness because if I didn’t my hate mail would increase ten fold. But really, there’s no way around this but to say that Kirsty Lee Alan, of no known fame, looks like a whore. Now before you all call lawyers for defamation, I said looks like, not is! Seriously, even Britney would blush a little at this (and scarily, it gets higher at the back!)
Maya Jupiter
Don’t you wish this was a video? Because you just know, that Maya, in jump suit is a step away from moon-walking and then breaking into the running man! As some pre-viewers of this week’s post said, ‘I bet you she posed like that in the dressing room and thought hot, I look hot!’
Melissa Tkautz
Melissa, when the dress doesn’t fit or you aren’t brave enough to wear the belly cut cleavage, it doesn’t mean belt it up. It doesn’t mean visible lingerie time. This is actually a learning lesson for all those poppets on Home and Away and Neighbours. The fame game is tricky and once upon time you were the girl of the early nineties. Now, you’re just a sad, trashy clothed wannabe. It’s the circle of life.
Mirrah
No, people don’t get excited, Bai Ling, isn’t in the country. Although her doppelganger is. While the outfit itself isn’t particularly offensive, the repulsive, superstar pose is. Only Beyonce can pull that off, and even then, I question it!
Matt Newton and Gracie Otto
Cheer up Mattie, the court case is over. And sure, you’ve probably done some irreparable damage to a brightly shining career, and every women looks a little differently at you now, what you can take from all of this is - the only way is up!
Lauren Newton and Matt Welsh
Once upon, Matt was a pretty hot swimmer. He had the swimmer body and was cute and many a school girl had developed a crush. Then it all came tumbling down – he met Lauren. Now I’m sure they are nice and lovely, but by God, are they boring. And I’ve decided Lauren boring-ed him further. The longer hair, the sappy doppy eyed expression. It’s got Newton all over it.
Paulini
I’ve been using the expression sack dress for a while now, referring to dresses that resemble sacks. However, Paulini has taken it one step too far and actually worn a sack. She’s even helpfully pointed out the string to tighten when it’s full. No Paulini, just no.
Samantha Jade
Don’t know who Samantha is, or what she does, but today she wears this dress. And she looks good. She’s got the body and look to carry it all off and for others who try it would have been horribly awful, she plays demure seductress and that’s okay.
Sharni Vision
Sharni, Sharni, Sharni – hats are cool, hats hide problematic hair issues, hats are good for sunscreen protection. Hats are not however, an accessory for a red carpet appearance. Unless you’ve shaved all your hair off in a fit of desperation, take the hat off!
Stephanie McIntosh
Look Steph’s back and she’s also back to listening to Harsh. Gone are the stupid cowboy boots, and back are the skinny, legs with the flattering dresses. The super long trashy hair is also gone as well. Oh Steph, this is good times for us – together we can go onto bigger and better things.
Tania Zaetta
Okay Tania, we get it, you pretend to be famous in Bollywood and remind us so by wearing Bollywood fashion to everything. You know what Tania, like your face, this trend is getting tired and old and we just don’t care. Who Dares Wins ended almost ten years ago and the small amount of fame you’ve carried on since then, is just about to run out.
Tiffani Wood
Tiff, Tiff my love. I think it’s time. Time for us to step forward together and face the realities of the situation. It’s time to hire a stylist. Ring OK! and ask if they will feature the story and maybe certain designers will donate dresses. A stylist would never let you onto a red carpet with a summer beach dress and too pale legs. They just wouldn’t let it happen. Still, you again look fantastic from the neck up. Great hair and whatever skincare product you’re using is tops! But photos aren't from the neck up - at least not in my judgemental world.
And finally, some kind, lovely, awesome reader sent me this pic and let me tell you, it made quite a few people's day, mine very much included! There isn't anything I can really say, the outfit, the pose, the person - it does all the talking.
Sam Brett, ladies and gentlemen!
