Sunday, August 12, 2007
When the War is Over
Annalise Braakensiek
Is it a compliment to say, that Annalise strongly resembles a Barbie? With her tiny, tiny, tiny waist and overtly large chest and even matching Ken doll? Where did Annalise park the Barbie Ferrari? And how is her dreamhouse I wonder? So many Barbie questions, so little time.
Antonia Kidman
Oh dear Tones, this is not good. Why you felt it was necessary to dress as a Byron Bay hippie who is headed into town for a night of dinner with the local ladies golfers and not like the sister of a superstar, who would have access to a very decent wardrobe. Maybe though, you’re like me and can’t really borrow from your sister, she of all the clothes. I understand Tones, I really do, but try this: when she’s out, nick in there and grab something, and then by the time you’re on the red carpet, it will be too late.
Andy Lee and Hamish Blake
Well aren’t these two little fellas looking smick. LOVE Andy’s hair chop. He is now man and no boy – the mischievous grin still firmly in place. I see Meggie has been here. And he even bought her b’day pressie, isn’t that sweet? Do you think it’s a bath bomb? Shower gel? In other news, I’m more than a bit ready for Hamish to clean up a little. The facial growth resembles bum fluff as opposed to the manly shadow. That’s something for you to work on Ham.
Belinda Chappel
This summer is all about the maxi dress and thank Christ, because I’ve got some serious winter insulation to hide. Belinda shows how to wear it with a clean neckline. My only concern is her sure to develop hair headache from the bun. It’s so tight, she’s given herself a home botox job without the botox. So commeth summer, so commeth the relaxing Bel.
Bianca Spender
I think Bianca had the right idea but an almost laughable execution. The dress is quirky and interesting but with her colour tone, flattens her out. Especially with the limpest hair seen on a red carpet in quite some time. I hope to dear god, that Bianca didn’t pay some one for that hair do because really and truly, I could have done that with a toilet roll and five minutes.
Cheyenne Tozzi (left)
Well Cheys certainly earned herself a diva-esque reputation this time around. Talk of name dropping and phone conversations that entire rooms had to endure about her catching up with Brandon Davis and Paris next week. Really Chey, if you’re going to name drop then maybe pick some one a little cooler. Here it's the almost barely there dress, the platinum hair, it’s all there and sure she does look good, but personality trumps a pretty dress.
Elka Graham @ DJ’s
Elka clearly likes an invitation and sat right on the fence by attending both DJ’s and Myer. At DJ’s she is exhibit A in why belts with dresses are bad. What could have been a nice striking maxi dress is utterly ruined, by what could be a belt, but what also could be packing tape from a warehouse.
Elka Graham @ Myer
Elka version two and we can see Elka has only one pose in her arsenal. Part 2 also continues the warehouse fashion trend, with Elka sporting what could be a rope tie around her waist. The dress itself is nice but a bit blah, and a bit four years ago.
Eliza Taylor-Cotter
In what has to be the most concerted effort to be considered the front runner for the Britney Spears bio film White Trash Mess: The Rise and Off Rails of Brit Brit, Eliza follows the diva's lead with four unrelated layers of clothing, an armful of bags and a shortened hemline with revealing cleavage. Also mismatching shoes and cheap $2 store jewellery piled on. Good luck Eliza, hope you’re prepared to shave your head for the role.
Jamie Durie
Sadly from Jamie we’ve seen this awful floral jacket before, however tragically he’s never paired it with a flower imprint t-shirt. The tragedy is those who will now have trouble focusing on still objects thanks to this magic eye, fit inducing ensemble.
Jessica Mauboy
Fashion is tricky, especially if you’re a young starlet hoping to inspire youngsters to buy your latest CD. Wearing a coloured sack, that looks like it could be a disguise to hide either a pregnancy or stolen food from the premiere, probably won’t encourage a growing fan base. Lots to learn little one, lots to learn.
Jennifer Hawkins
We are now entering the tricky years for J-Hawk. The sheen is about two seconds from wearing off, and we could possibly enter the phase where people get a little sick of J-Hawk. I know, it’s inconceivable, but every new IT girl is labelled the new Jen, and it’s getting pretty damn tiring. Here Jen doesn’t dazzle me like she should. This is her show, her game and she should come out looking FIERCE. The hemline on that dress should be inches shorter. She has absolutely got the legs to pull it off, and the arrivals outfit should make us all go AHHHH!!!, instead of MMMM.
Jodhi Meares
Now this is what I’m talking about. Jodhi looks HOT. The smock-ness of the dress is compensated with the length and those tanned to perfection, hot legs. The shoes are a little clumpy but very in and the hair natural and refined, letting the dress speak for itself. Jodhi, bravo to you.
Lisa Hewitt
While I’m sure this outfit started with good intentions, Lisa just takes it all a step too far. The obscenely reflective blue, the boob enhancing straps. The stage makeup and super slick hair. It’s all just too much. Sometimes, a little less is a good thing.
Lizzy Lovett
I don’t know what budget the Nova stations have but clearly it’s not a massive one because both Lizzy and Bianca Dye always manage to turn up on the red carpet looking cheap. This dress is an Aladdin’s cave of handkerchiefs, with a completely mismatching handbag. And what’s most infuriating is Lizzy has good assets, great legs, great hair, excellent body – it’s all there, but she refuses to use it to her advantage.
Michelle Walsh
I’ll applaud Michelle’s hair cut, it does wonders for her face and not dragging her down and making her look like mutton parading as lamb. I don’t applaud her mismanagement of the cleavage. Those poor little ladies look quite squashed together and I feel their pain. It’s a shame because it distracts from what could have been a superior performance.
Michelle Lee
Clearly enough time has expired that handbag Ecstasy holding Michelle is no longer toxic to a red carpet. She proves the ultimate that in the end, no press is bad press. Sure, she spent two years not working but now, the girl is on the carpet and we know her name. Two things previously not attainable for her, and sure the dress is cute and unique and she definitely has the model body to carry it off, but there is a reason she wasn’t famous before…the look at me factor is missing, the [pun intended] X-factor.
Matt Welsh & Lauren Newton
My mother gets a direct mailing catalogue called EziBuy. It contains pages and pages of rip-off fashion which she tries to convince me to purchase. There is one fashion line that is more entertainment and it’s called Apart, and it contains pants with chaps, and jackets with multi-fabrics and it’s pretty damn ugly. Clearly Lauren hasn’t been able to say no to Patti’s insistence she wear this line. She and Matt are now the poster couple for this line.
Rhonda Burchmore
Ffor Rhonda all the world’s a stage or at least a Riva coffee ad. This cabaret show dress finds it way to the red carpet (or marble staircase) and really, it’s only meant for the Palms at Crown Casino. Maybe Rhonda’s short a penny or two, it must cost a fortune to upkeep that lollipop red hair.
Sara Groen
Oh Sara! It was all so lovely, and beautiful and then you stupidly added black tights! It’s the summer spring launch sweetpea, and of course, you probably haven’t tanned up yet but everyone else seemed to embrace the fake tan. You’ve stuck yourself into the winter warmers of tights. No, step into the light and move on from the tights.
Sophie Faulkiner
FIERCE! That’s the kind of legginess, shimmer, summer dazzle I expected from J-Hawk. Soph, very smartly, lets the dress do all the talking and pairs it with simple black shoes, up do and silver clutch. It’s the hot mamma turn from Sophie that I’ve been waiting for.
Toni Pearen
Toni is either on her way to last year’s Autumn/Winter launch and is really late or after the show has to attend a Murder Mystery party as the French seductress spy with secrets to spill. In short, she’s completely inappropriately dressed for a spring/summer launch!
Zoe Naylor and Laura Csortan
Both girls look fantastically presentable here. Zoe, in a stunning red dress that accentuates her curves, and makes us forget all about her stint on MacLeod’s Daughters. And Laura, takes the curves to a whole new level. It’s unique, the pattern is different and she totally works it and I love her for it. Good to see Laura, possibly finding her way back to fashion.
The Actual Fashion
David Jones
Normally, I like to make jokes – but seriously, this outfit is so simple and divine and gorgeous and I just absolutely envy the entire look. I would kill distant relatives to achieve this look.
I often think what’s missing from my lingerie collection is underpants with an inbuilt abacus.
Grandma Jean waited patiently for her dining room curtains to be returned.
The exits are here and here, under you’re seat you’ll find your life jacket which also doubles as the latest in cocktail dress wear.
Jessica wondered: did anyone notice I forgot my pants?
Myer
I often stand in front of my mirror and think what’s missing from this dress? Now I know, it’s a cape.
Inga, your milk maid will be with you shortly.
Myer: Where men are questionably dressed as five year old school boys with hair better that yours.
This dress is sizzling, and J-Hawk, you certainly rock it. But in the end, accounting for the entire campaign, your dazzle level has certainly faded.
Yay Meggie G, in the 07/08 battle for my vote of fierce-ness, I crown you the winner!
Who was your vote for the battle of best-ness: Meggie G or J-Hawk?
