The Harsh Light of Day

Check Your Mailbox: APEC - Sydney (small gathering, not a big deal, no fuss being made); SMH Good Food Guide Awards - Sydney (wonder who is catering?); Rugby's Dally Medal - Sydney (joy, oh joy! Sydney's Brownlow!); Hairspray Movie Premiere - Sydney & Melbourne (I'm a little excited about Zac Efron being in town); Dolly's Teen Choice Awards - Sydney (Wanna bet Zac Efron's going to win something?); Flemington Spring Fashion Lunch - Melbourne (BYO Tissues)

Camilla Franks

You know it’s the first day of spring, and the birds are chirping and flowers are blooming and in absolutely no way shape or form did Camilla Frank’s boobs factor into my wants and desires to spring. In her what must be overflowing wardrobe of caftans, Camilla doesn’t seem to own, not one camisole? Not a bra of some sort? Clearly not. But your doctor called and thanks to this outfit, this month’s mammogram can be rescheduled.

Camilla Freeman

I don’t know if her long lustrous hair is totally distracting me from the actually clothing but again, Cammie looks good. Sure, her seamstress could have taken a few inches of the bottom and I’d love to see her stand apart from Mark, if only to see that lovely dark hair.

Delta Goodrem (or just Delta)

Oh dear LORD! Delta, seriously, I know it’s all about your hot new look, which is really an extra layer of foundation and thicker eye liner, but you can’t be girl next door fashion and then attempt to be Mary Kate Olsen. You either believe in high fashion or you don’t. You don’t market test your adult look and then overreach. Coz now you just look like Plucka Duck’s black fluffy cousin and not edgy runway fashion.

Elka Graham

If Elka’s attending the opening of Bed Bath & Table then she made the right choice. It’s very inspiring to wear their latest bedroom linens – definitely a new way to advertiser their products. However, if this were a fashion, movie, CD or product release not associated with toiletries then, man wrong choice.

Elle Macpherson

Elle, you still bring it. Its a little Liz Hurley meets ARIA Kylie Minogue but the confidence, the Bermuda perma-tan and hair all counterbalance.

Gail Sorronda

Too much. It’s all too much, the dress is too long, the flower is too big, and the hair is too much. Gail, you either have a print, print dress or not. Commitment.

Jaime Wright

New Kids on the Block sang it, step by step – oh baby and Jaime and I, we’re living it. Happily, we’re moving away from the trashy Supre dressing, and heading towards to class. Sadly, belt-itis has struck again. The dress was fine, was completely nice and lovely and good, and then this thin unmatched belt gets thrown into the mix! BOO. PS Love, love, love the fringe.

Jodhi Meares

Holy JESUS! Jodhi, whoever you’re sleeping with, whoever is your stylist, whoever is doing your hair, whoever is doing your makeup – HIRE and KEEP every single one of them. Give them a raise even, because man alive, you look DAMN GOOD! DAMN GOOD!

Kerri-Anne Kennerly

I know, it’s absolutely shocking, Kezza in sparkles! In reflective bright sassy colours. It’s like I’m on permanent holiday – like I live on the Gold Coast. Wouldn’t that be fun!!

Kate Mulvany

Okay, let me be the first to say that everyone has problem areas. Everyone! Me, my stomach, third month pregnancy! Who Weekly covers ‘Is She Pregnant?’ if I was celebrity. Still, I try and dress around that. Kate, you may be aware of your thick ankles. Maybe you’re not. Either way, this dress only serves to act as giant highlight in pink on that area and all I’ve left with is an awful word in my head – cankles.

Michelle Langsdon

As a bridesmaid, she’s taking attention away from the bride with her red shoes. Otherwise, besides her hot sexy shoes – BORING! Blah! Snooze.

Raelee Hill

Why is this week inappropriate revealing clothing for people who shouldn’t be revealing things week? Raelee joins Cammie Frank in flying the flag of supposed sexy dressing. It is kind of what I imagine David Jones might chose as a staff uniform – if they were running a strip club.

Roxanne Lebrasse

Oh Roxie, Roxie, I once quite loved your Moxie. However, you do maybe want to purchase a mirror. A mirror that tells you that short shorts and spaghetti straps aren’t the best look for you. Neither is large belts across your belly or shiny reflective fabrics.

Virginia Gay

Ginnie, darling – do you know what GHD means? Have you hair of that phrase before? Cause the 80’s half perm, half straight do, isn’t doing you any favour. After that masterclass, call me and we can send you Masterclass Two: Belts Often Harm Opposed to Hinder.