The Harsh Light of Day

A little self induced mini-break last week...also there wasn't anything to awesome or not, on the carpet.

Ajay Rochester

Look, I’ll tell you right now, it’s massive, massive improvement for Ajay. She of pants and ill advised top combinations. It’s a nice colour on her that really pops so excellent work there. And while the shoes don’t really match the dress, I’ll let it slide cause their cute. My only issue here is the ruffle-ly trim thing that doesn’t really seem to offer anything to the dress except badness. Avoid ruffle-ly trims Ajay and its smooth sailing.

Annalise Braakensiek – Part 1

Well that’s certainly one way to get your point across, both even! The dress in and of itself isn’t actually a bad thing, it really isn’t, its just left me with this yearning to run from behind the camera, yank the top of it and then pat her hair and say ‘there you go darling, no need to offer everyone a free show now is there,’ in a maternal nurturing way.

Annalise Braakensiek – Part 2

Much, much, much better. This is very contempo casual chic with a hint of sexy lady and I think it’s great. When I stupidly mismatch a short pant with a short top and feel a breeze across my stomach, I like to imagine I look like Annalise, sexy, fresh and cool. Sadly I don’t think what it really looks like.

Asha Kuerten

Welcome to the party Asha, you’re a little late but still you’re here. It’s the badly dressed, every trend rolled into one party and your our guest of honour. What with your cut off boots, pregnancy inducing dress – with belt! And inappropriate tuck roll over line. Please sit down and tell us what’s planned next of the agenda? Smocks and leggings?

Bree Amer and Brodie

Yes, before you say anything, I too worry about what will happy if these two reproduce. A super strain of bogan unlike anything since Brendan Fevola almost reproduced with Lara Bingle. All I can say for Brodie is: tool. Nothing more, nothing less. Bree, revolting colour on the bottom and the top of death to boobs.

Brian McFadden

You can kind of see why Brian had a beard and long hair last time we say him. Cause he looks kinda stupid underneath the scruff. While the top, vest, jeans combo is very typical male at the moment, those shoes are horrible. Unless he arrived by yacht, he really has no reason to be wearing boat shoes on the red carpet.

Charlotte Best

This is typical dressing above your age and confidence level. The dress is fine, actually very pretty but Charlotte is so insecure and so timid in it, that she’s ruining it. From the neck up she looks to be in a school photo and from the neck down she seems to be channelling someone else.

Dean Geyer

Speaking of channelling people, I think Dean Geyer has taken huge steps towards morphing into Cowboy from the Henderson Kids. The haircut, the bogan Aussie rock top, even the cowboy boots. Now all he needs is an infatuated Kylie Minogue and Tam and Steve Henderson, a nasty town developer and 1985 to roll around and he’s set.

Delta Goodrem

HOLY JESUS! Actually, this could be Delta’s tilt at a role in the acid trip 70’s version of Jesus Christ Superstar. Why, like seriously Delta if you are by some chance reading this, why? Why would you wear what mounts up to be a hyper-colour formal sack? You can’t seriously thinks that look good, can you?

Fiona Faulkner

Alright, I’ll admit it, I may have a slight dislike for one Miss F. While I was originally thrilled that she lost the weight and looked so good, she then proceeded to turn up to all envelope openings and clearly threw in the training program and just enjoyed life. That’s fine, but don’t go trashing the show because you’re too lazy to keep it up. Don’t be all, they deserted me…honey, it’s a reality TV show, what did you think was going to happen. Anyway, grudgingly I’ll admit she looks nice and summery here.

Jaime Wright

For all that is good in this world, can people stop dressing like tarts? Can they? Jaime this is trashy, plain and simple. It’s a half dress made up of off cuts from the floor and pasted together in the Devil’s sewing room.

Jana Pittman

Well Jana, that’s one way to go isn’t it. I’d prefer the other option of classy and elegant formal wear that gives me a fantastic silhouette and makes people think I’m fantastically stylish. But that’s me and clearly you’ve chosen the other path. Very brave of you.

Krystal

Well, I can’t say I’m shocked. It’s not like Armani would have been knocking on her door. In fact, I’m not even sure Portmans or Sportsgirl would knock on her door. From this, I think Glassons and Payless Shoes knocked on her door and she opened it welcomingly.

Natalie Bassingthwaite

Okay Nat, we need to have words. You’ve got a big responsibility coming up, more important that world climate change and political campaigning. You are going to be the host of So You Think You Can Dance - Australian Edition, and let’s just say I happen to know a few people, myself included that are a little hesitant about you and your hosting abilities. So no pressure, but if you stuff it up, there will be trouble to pay.

Ricki Lee

While not stunning orange carpet stopping, this maybe, possibly makes me think that the Young Divas were to blame for Ricki Lee and her dressing. Maybe.

Tiffani Wood

Three beautiful steps forward and six inappropriate steps back. Tiff, honey Spring Racing isn’t for another month, and if this is your subliminal way of asking me what to wear to the Cup, this outfit, not so good.

Young Divas

Maybe the split was good for both parties. The new look Divas, must have hired a stylist and listened to half of what they said. Jess and Kate look quite nice actually, although Kate’s stance needs work. Paulini continues her efforts to be Australia’s Beyonce, through the good times and bad. And Emily is always the questionable one on the end.

Zac Efron

Once upon a time there was nice normal boy who was in some average WB TV shows like Summerland and so on. He then did some little Disney movie and become insanely popular and then he found foundation and possibly mascara and protein shakes and filmed the sequel and became even more popular and tweens (and possibly adults) swooned. He found more foundation and more attitude and then his girlfriend stripped and people saw and he’s trying to remake Footloose. The lesson of this story for Zac, the foundation is affecting your brain. Step away from the bronzer, the matte base and the Mystic spray tan. Also put down the GHD straightening irons.