The Harsh Light of Day

After an extended break, which I neglected to mention in my last post, I’m back! And I did keep an eye on the local fashions and nothing to traumatic happened. But I’m back and ready to regularly post so make yourself comfortable, grab a beverage of choice and let’s rejoice these next items aren’t in our wardrobes.

Alannah Hill

I’m not quite sure why or how Alannah got invited to the Aus Open tennis ball, it’s not like you think tennis and Alannah. Can you picture her on the court? No, neither can I. I’m also concerned about Alannah’s growing dependency to eye make-up, it’s as if she’s the Veronica’s older, lesser seen band mate who was ditched just before the fame arrived. And not to be rude (sure!) but the dress is oddly widening – two tiny legs seem to be strangely far apart. Yep, bizarre-town.

Diane Neal

Di’s attending the NY G’Day Australia ball and I have no idea who she is or how she’s related to Australia – at all. IMDB says Diane Neal is the blonde woman on one of the Law & Order’s but I don’t think this is the same Diane Neal we’re talking about. Firstly, I don’t think that Diane would wear a curtain as a dress. So, dear Diane Neal the second and unknown, maybe chat with the more famous Diane Neal about how Diane’s are supposed to dress – less drapery probably is a start. (Are you Diane confused yet?)

Gina Jeffreys

Gina’s the old girl of country music scene, and has been at the Golden Guitars before they were so Golden and were most likely held at a BBQ in the beer garden of the Tamworth pub. Gina’s obviously decided to fight the age references by dressing like a seventeen year old formal going lass. I understand Gina that it’s hard with all these youngsters joining the ranks but seriously, maybe the cliché ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ isn’t entirely appropriate here.

Julian McMahon

Julian was honoured at the NY G’Day Australia ball, and I’m still not sure what gig got him over the line. Was it his stupendous work in Charmed with Alyssa Milano, was it his amazingly, sadly Oscar unseen, work in The Fantastic Four as a Doctor Doom? My personal belief is it was his brilliant work in Dannii Minogue’s This Is It, video film clip. Anyway, the hat Julian, the hat. What’s going on here? Are we busting the gangster scene later on? Hoping for a call up to Sopranos: The Next Generation? Whatever the reason, I’m going to need an essay of explanation.

Kate DeAraugo

I heard one Miss D on the radio the other day, discussing joining Jenny Craig (I think) and while I commend the efforts, everyone needs to feel healthy, maybe dressing better would win half the battle. This is a better look for sure, than the awful, eye scarring denim skirt ensemble of late last year, but still, the shark netting around your neck? And eyeliner is good, eyeliner is great, but in moderation Kate, moderation.

Kimberley Joseph

I saw Kim in the background of someone else’s shot and wanted to like the dress, saw it briefly and thought, ‘oh that’s pretty and fresh and glamour.’ However, up close, it just keeps growing in resemblance to Grandma’s bedspread.

Kim Wilson

I don’t understand, really I don’t. Sometimes, you look at a dress and think I could work that, and even in the store under the pressure gaze of the store assistants, you think okay, not quite but I’m still buying it, and even it at home, under the suspect gaze of friends and family, who are just dying to say something, you convince yourself, this could be okay. How Kim at any of these stages didn’t look in a mirror and rip off the dress and burn it immediately, is beyond me.

Lee & Robbie Kernaghan

The first thing I know you’re all thinking is – did she really fake tan her legs that badly? No, rest assured people, they are sparkly deep tanned nylons! Yep, that’s right, sparkly deep tanned nylons– don’t you just want a pair? No, me neither. So while it’s not a tan gone bad, it’s now a step away from being the gold statues that stand in the street and somehow earn money for doing not much. Ladies and Gentlemen, Australian of the Year, Lee and his statue impersonator.

Lisa Rinna

Another un-explainable attendee at the Aussie Tourism thing in LA. But still, Lisa looks good. Sure, the face has been a recipient of one too many injections but still, the dress is classy and elegant and something I think I would like to wear. Even the shoes are cute, simple and assisting the dress instead of fighting the dress.

Michael Vartan w/ Shane Warne, Brendan Fevola, Mark Poo

OH MY GOD, Michael run far away! Please don’t listen to anything, anyone one of these men have to say about women, especially Australian women! You’ve accidentally wandered into the cheating, cashed up bogan (CUB’s), my IQ’s so low, they stopped testing around 12 club. Really, nothing good here, move along, move ALONG!! SAVE YOURSELF, YOUR DIGNITY and RESPECT!! RUN FOR GOD’s SAKE, RUN!

Miranda Kerr

Holy Miranda Kerr! Girl, looks good. When are Portman’s bringing that out? It’s very funny but if you read the message boards from the USA, Miranda really divides people, they either love her, or think she’s a PR pushing, boyfriend tabloid sellout. Strange because I think she’s cute, kicky and would personally put her in my top five ‘I’d have her package thanks magic genie granting my wishes,’ – what you don’t know that game?

Natalie Bassingthwaite

Okay Nat, we’re a week out and the pressure’s mounting. From my informal polling, So You Think You Can Dance, is shaping up to be the show of the year, excitement is building, people are stretching, getting ready to learn routines. No pressure, but Cat Deeley is pretty good – a few tips, she seems genuinely sad/excited about the contestants prospects – do that; she has a signature statement ‘it’s the judgeess’ in her UK accent - find something that endears you to the viewers; she takes fashion risks, but doesn’t look like Gretel Killeen on eviction night – don’t listen to Ten stylists, make them call people other than Supre, Glassons and Dotti. Good Luck, and I’ll be watching.

Sara Storer

So that’s what happened to that football dress from the Brownlow a few years ago? You can actually see that Sara’s realised how bad this dress is, how much she’s misjudged the whole thing, but it’s too late and she’s going to grin and bear it. That’s the Aussie spirit Sara.

Ursula Brooks

Ursula every year comes to the Aussie gala in LA and every year, mistakenly believes she’s attending a ho-down. Come on Urs, that dress is made for a dance sequence in a country western cliché ridden film. You just need the cowboy boots, a fair ground, and somebody who has done you wrong and hey presto ‘Wilma Jean: Riding High’ the telemovie will be born.