The Harsh Light of Day

I’d firstly like to thank the lovely reader who sent me an essay of the culture of celebrity and of how my ‘tall poppy’ critiquing is mindless rubbish and wasteful of my time. Yes, I completely agree, it’s very wasteful, in fact if I felt this was at all productive I might have to stop.

I hope, that you have set your sights higher though, as really, in the pond of celebrity attacking, I am but a tiny minnow, a baby really, and I would hate for you to think that your email was getting to the people that matter. I matter least. Although feel free to keep expressing your thoughts on my rubbish.

Ajay Rochester

Slogan t-shirts are the death of an outfit. No matter how rocking the rest of the look is, no matter how much you’re feeling it – if you’ve got a slogan printed across your chest, someone will inevitably have a comment, and 99% of the time, it’s not going to be complimentary. Ajay, you’re not Paris, Britney, Lindsay etc, you don’t need to make statements through t-shirts.

Erika Heynatz

And here’s the ultimate case of its all good, really nothing wrong, Erika looks lovely and fresh and the colours work together. But something isn’t right. I don’t understand what, I can’t explain it, and really, it’s quite unfair of me to bring it up but that’s the breaks kids! Anyone got any ideas?

Jennifer Hawkins

I don’t know about you but Jen’s looking a little tired these days. The dress is pretty of course and she does look better than most people do on their very best days. But, the mismatching leg tan to arm tan is very amateur mistake, bad J-Hawk. I’d also love to have a chat with her hair stylist, maybe discuss the levels of blonde and its tiredness?

Lee Furlong

Poor Lee, some people don’t come with the fashion gene. It’s just never going to come naturally for them. And here, Lee demonstrates the off-ness, the shoes and bag match but they don’t work with the dress, the dress doesn’t really look good.

Megan Gale

It’s well known fact that Meggie isn’t fashion model size and before I receive flaming torches of death threats, I’m not at all saying that Meggie is large. No hell way, I’d love to wake up looking like Meggie G! But this dress doesn’t work for her...size. It’s very pretty and so is Meggie but together, they don’t work.

Natalie Gauci

Oh Nat, honey child, darling one (I’m using Marcia speak). When you’re attending the front row of a fashion show, dressing like you’re attending the first day of Centrelink payments is not the done thing! Each of these items are okay as casual, Saturday shopping centre items, together they are terrible. Together at a fashion show they are catastrophically inexcusable.

Tiffani Wood

Very nice Tiff, very nice. Sure, you’ve looked fiercer but as we know you can't operate at 10 all the time. It’s got to be shades of grey. The dress, the hair, the make-up are very event appropriate. You’re actually giving off a very strong Catherine Zeta Jones casual vibe here, and I encourage chasing that vibe, she’s got good red carpet vibe.

L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival – Shots From the Runway

Today’s youth have enough trouble, what with drugs and alcohol corrupting their young minds, why would we make it harder for them to be cool by dressing like little orphan Annie’s?

Brides often have nightmares of their dress turning into giant tutu extravaganzas. This is that nightmare come to life.

Suzie suddenly realised why Mark, her fiancée was so keen to attend the bridal shows.

An early auditionee for the available spot in Hi-Five took their brief of brightening a child’s day too seriously.

That’s a party trick my friends!

Bee keeper with clean Blundstones or high fashion, you decide?

The new boy turns up in a pink parka? Close the door and think happy Javier Bardem manly thoughts.

The follow-up series for the Teletubbies early pre-marketing was going well, soon Inky Dinky characters would be everywhere!

China’s Swim Team costume makes its debut

Fashion for the home renovator. Pasta shell necklaces that can be put together in an easy afternoon of decorating.

Melissa wasn’t sure, was this appropriate for the office? Would her boob be inadvertently be captured in the photocopier?

The brief: to design for the country, with Australia in mind, design with thoughts of Waltzing Matilda, design with corrugated iron roofs, design with tough outback years. The mission: accomplished.

Nothing says hot man, I must date you, like stocking and bomber jacket. It’s why you see me at 7/11 every Saturday night, just hoping for some action.