The Harsh Light of Day

Adam Hills & Myf Warhurst

I think Adam’s face really says it all. But in case your face reading skills have been off lately, I’ll kindly interpret for you: ‘Sweet lord Myf, what the f-bomb happened to your sleeve? Did something attack you? Seriously, you’re missing like the armpit to the wrist bit and it looks crazy ass weird! The other sleeve though is pretty fugly, so maybe you ripped it off in a rage induced attack. Either way, it ain’t working.’ As per Adam’s face.

Carrie Bickmore

Brave is the girl who wears a dress similar to Melissa George’s Oscar dividing efforts. However, Carrie the smart cookie that she is, listened to the reviews on M-George’s dress, axed the over the top corset work and has turned with a very pretty, very on note, red carpet glamour dress. Let’s give her a tick more! (Yep, it’s that hilarious – haven’t you missed it)

Cathy Freeman

Hi Cathy, what’s up? Heard you got hitched, congrats. Must be good lovin’ as you’re glowing, and for once in your red carpet life, you look lovely. Very dignified, very elegant but still your cheery self. Now please make every copy editor at a tabloid newspaper’s dreams come true and get pregnant so they can begin the inevitable ‘patter of little feet’ pun-tastic headlines.

Dannii Minogue

Here’s the problem with this: it’s equally good and equally bad. The dress, the choices and even the hairstyle, have me swing from the demon and angel on my shoulders. I really can’t decide Dannii, I like the bold military slash Katie Holmes in full Tom influence hairstyle, and the dress is interesting and unique but then again it’s you, and maybe the hair is more Cabaret stage show than edgy funky.

Fuzzy and Dude

I always give Fuzzy a pass, she’s good at finding something different, yet perfect for her in both fit and colour. However, Dude (whom Getty seem to think is named Guppy – they could be right but then they did confuse Suzie Wilks and Natalie G so who knows), anyway Dude, not to be all weight issues orientated, but skinny jeans are for people who are skinny. And not just skinny but silly, weedy, emo skinny. You my friend aren’t a skinny jean kinda a guy, just let it go.

Giaan Rooney

From Giaan’s Logie debut of awfulness, this is light years ahead, but it still lacks that certain something for me. The major problem, being the top, it just seems so netballer’s bib. Seriously, wack a big GD on that, and she could be the first formally attired player the Melbourne Vixens have.

Jane Hall

It’s very practical and I’m sure Jane will be the warmest star on the red carpet. But you know what Jane, we the punter of lowly nothingness, don’t pay for warm and toasty. Damn it, we want you to suffer. You need to look hot, and sexy, and cool and freeze your damn behind off. Also, the dress print while pretty is a little nana for Logies red carpet.

Jennifer Hawkins

PHWAOR! Va-va-va-va-va-va-voom. The J-Hawk bough the ladies out to play. Granted, I haven’t been following J-Hawk in the recent months, but this to me represents a triumphant return for her. What with ACA and TT polling her neighbours about her apparent parties – this is J-Hawk, saying ‘check out how hot and fierce I am Australia’ and also a little bit of ‘and hot people should be allowed to party whenever bitches’.

Jessica Mauboy

I think Jessica’s going to be a little bit like a local Beyonce. Very talented, ability to wear lovely red carpet dresses but then graces the stage in some unflattering numbers. Still on the carpet, I particularly enjoyed Jess’s ruffle number. Okay, the green clutch that probably costs $10 at the Dimmey’s closing down sale, is a bit of an error but otherwise, a very respectable, un Idol whoring red carpet moment.

Kate Ritchie

Okay time to roll up the sleeves, coz this one’s going hurt. Firstly, Kate’s hair and accessories are genius and I die. But the dress, it’s so hard because it could have been killer. Could have made me ooh and aah and enjoy the subtleness yet strength of it. However, the white slip underneath RUINS THE WHOLE DAMN THING. What I wouldn’t give to see what the dress looked like with black underneath instead of what looks like Kate is flashing her bra.

Lee Furlong

Alright Lee, you’ve got an extraordinary set of legs and you’re a beautiful young woman, let’s get that out of the way. But this very nice cocktail dress, isn’t really red carpet Logies, it isn’t the amazing dress of dresses you could have chosen. Also, this dress requires a bit of bravery with the cleavage and you hesitated and went the strapless bra, which is fine, but we can all see it.

Lindsey Rodriguez

So, TRL got axed and now Lindsey’s back hoping to funk up Channel Nine. Well, good luck with that suicide mission Lindsey. It’s probably appropriate that your dress has a zip up the front much like a flight jump suit as you’ll need to pull the parachute chord very soon I’m sure. Also, are you insane? Why would you wear a dress with a front zipper when people like Sam Newman are advertising for dates? You’ve doomed yourself to an entire night of stupid footballer panellists from both NRL and AFL, drunkenly making a play for the zip.

Margot Robbie

O. M. G – This is quite possibly in my three years (veteran status people) of Logies commentary, the ugliest dress I have EVER seen. Sure, Stephanie McIntosh had an awful mistimed red number, and yep, there was Indiana Evans Supre fashion inspired choice, but this is another level of tarty, attention grabbing, Kentucky hoe down dressing. It’s whore-riffic. Her dress is basically SPORTING A MULLET. Let me say that again, so if by chance Margot reads this. HER DRESS HAS A MULLET!

Michelle Bridges

We can be honest here, and we can all admit that sure, Michelle sometimes gets it wrong, and then sometimes she gets it really wrong. But you know what, this is quite possibly, the best, most ladylike, most feminine, elegant and refined Michelle I’ve seen yet. She’s sophisticated and the hair is lovely, the dress flatters her and her accessories shine. Like a finale of Loser, the tears of happiness are about to spring forth.

Rebecca Gibney

It’s Golden – see what I did there, see how the pun was because she won the Gold Logie, Christ I’m funny. Anyway, Bec actually looks great and is doing old Hollywood glamour very nicely, so kudos to her and all her Rafters. However, is it wrong that there is some part of me that still enjoys the fact I haven’t watched a full episode of that show?

Ricki-Lee

Another dress that completely divides me. While, it’s a massive, huge step forward for the once Mutton dressing as Lamb Ricki Lee, I don’t think I can award points merely for being better than the most awful you can be. The colour is actually striking and the idea of the dress is good, Bec Gibney will tell you that but the actual execution leaves me feeling that it’s quite unflattering, in fact, it’s fattering.

Lady Harsh Dictionary Definition of Fattering: When an outfit is to be so unflattering that it makes the normal sized, healthy wearer seem large, bumpy, lumpy or wide. Used in a sentence: I couldn’t buy that top, so fattering but I will purchase the shoes.

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And with that lesson, so endeth Part 1 of the Logies Coverage. Tomorrow night, I will fulfil no contractual obligations by returning with the remaining coverage including delightful Sarah Murdoch, Jodie Gordon and her stunning self and questionable efforts of Jolene Anderson, Ruby Rose, and Tony Barber’s Mrs.

# posted by HLOD : 1:19 AM