The Harsh Light of Day

I love award shows, like maybe a little too much. It’s just so exciting, and in a really anti-climatical way. The red carpet is the best, and when I lived in America and E! would indulge me and have four hour red carpet coverage – come on, what’s not to love? So with the possibility that the Writers’ Strike (a worthy cause – seriously, those writers’ were being robbed, they need to strike) may turn the Oscars into a sad little semblance of its self, the SAG’s could provide the only red carpet this season, so I’m taking a bigger interest that normal for the local Harsh Light.

Allison Janney

As precursor, I have to say I love Allison, LOVE HER. She’s is so classy and elegant and an amazing actress and if you see only one episode of the West Wing, you too will fall madly in her trance. Having also seen in her person, she’s incredibly beautiful and slim. Which confuses me, because with her height, I’m surprised the dress is too long? Who the hell was it originally made for – Michael Jordan?

Amanda Bynes

I kinda like this for the Bynes-ster. Whilst, not entirely being a fan of the drapery down the bottom, the bodice part and especially the hair and make-up are very good. The Bynes-ster has been known to over-tan in the past but I’m proud of her restraint here, it makes her look less teen Lohan cohort and more upcoming actress with talent and future career besides tabloid scandal.

America Ferrera

I like it, and then I don’t. It’s a great cut for her and flatters her figure beautifully but it’s also boring. Like really boring. In fact, I want to say Snoozefest 08. Come on America, this is it – no Globes, this is the one red carpet of the season for TV stars, you can bring it better than that!

Andrea Bowen

This is what happens when young actress try to act older than their age. Andrea obviously feels, that she doesn’t want to be the young teen actress on Desperate Housewives, she wants to be a housewife. Fine, but Andrea, you look stupid dressing like a 40 year old, when you’re nineteen.

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt

I understand that you’re hiding the bump, I do, I get that. You want a little more time before every single camera lense is focused on the midriff only, but Ange, wasn’t there something else in the ‘hiding bump from paparazzi’ section. I’m sure it’s a pretty big section these days, what with everyone in Hollywood being knocked up. On another note, you two looked HOT at the actual awards show and THAT kiss was smoking!

Becki Newton

The flaps, why the flaps, it ruins what was to be a really lovely stunning dress. Imagine the dress, without the tissues look – the simple belt line, and then it drops to the floor in sparkly goodness! Oh what could have been.

Carla Gugino

I don’t know why celebs feel the need to test their cleavage. In some sort of challenge to her breasts, Carla’s given them the least support and most access to escape from the front, the side and even into the middle. The dress is fine, but I spent the entire time holding my breath, waiting for an errant boob. Hopefully Carla, the cleavage past the test.

Chandra Wilson

At first I thought I LOVED it, and in parts I still do but I’ve just noticed that golden sparkle in the dress is oddly reflective on her skin and makes her seem – golden? I know, I know small things but it just keeps bugging me and also makes me squint a little.

Christina Applegate

Of all the sparkle grey dresses (and there were a few), Christina romped it home in this one. She looks STUNNING, in my eyes. The dress fits perfectly, the hemline is to die for – imagine the swishy fun it would be. The décolletage is sublime. And the hair, it’s not over the top 40’s do, it’s soft and floaty and I love it all. It only further heightens my anticipation of Samantha Who? what looks to be a perfectly stupid show – so unbelievable but so watchable.

Ellen Pompeo

Meredith looks good here – happy, healthy and not having strayed off the path of fashion individualness to Bjorktown. The only thing, imagine how annoying that train is going to be in four hours.

Eva Longoria

Eva knows her stuff! She knows her body and what works on it, what colours compliment and if she turned up to something looking terrible, I’d be shocked to the core.

James Marsden

Who? What? Is someone talking, if so, SHUT IT. I’m looking at James Marsden, who is such a cutie! I’m mean, come on people, if that turned up at your door one night, how pleased would you be? And after seeing 27 Dresses, he’s even cuter because he survived a perfectly clichéd film (which I loved).

Jamie Lynn Sigler

This was my absolute favourite dress of the night. It’s just so beautiful, without being a disco ball of sparkles. It’s so understated in its beauty too. The crisp white paired with the blue – just awesome and Jamie Lynn doesn’t do anything stupid with hair, makeup and accessories. Where can I buy one? Including her perfectly toned shoulders.

January Jones

That name can’t be real, can it? January, who is born in what month – yep, December, no kidding, she’s actually born in January. Still, January's dress isn’t exactly floating my boat. It’s a weird sort of tissue paper gift wrapped, coming out the front, coming out the back thing and it’s not working.

Javier Bardem

This is for all the people (especially the ladies) who saw No Country For Old Men – a brilliant film – and had nightmares for days later thanks to Javier and his pageboy haircut as Anton the killer (I haven't ruined any plot lines, don't worry). Javier is actually quite the manly man and likes fiiinnnee and rocks an open collar.

Kate Beckinsale

Dear Kate, can you please appear in a movie that I actually like? Or have heard of? Also could you please avoid yellow in that shade at all costs, it’s completely overwhelming you and forcing you to make bad decisions. Much like you film script choices. Love, Lady Harsh

Marion Cotillard

Maybe it’s because she’s French and that sounds so much more elegant, maybe it’s because she classy and quiet and demure. Who knows, but Marion looks so beautiful here. The colour and cut somehow work and she doesn’t end up looking Disney fairy princess in a big ball gown.

Mindy Kaling

I’m the first to say, I have massive respect for Mindy, one the writers/stars of The Office (USA). She writes some of the best episodes ever and has a hilarious blog about buying shoes amidst the strike etc. Mindy however, a split down the middle is no one’s friend. Never has been, never will be. Please don’t feature on my page again as a fashion mistake, please next time feature as smart, cool, connected woman you are.

Rene Russo

Okay Rene, obviously didn’t get the memo that’s she’s 54. YEP! That woman is 54. And sure, I’m pretty confident mother nature isn’t that kind (and if she is, where the hell is that kindness in my direction). But Rene's crafted a beauty that doesn’t reek of botox. She can, as witnessed here, craft an expression. And boy does she look good! I’m considerably younger than her, and wouldn’t complain if I looked like that every morning.

Sandra Oh

Is it too easy and lazy to simple write Sandra Oh and mean it many, many, many ways. Oh my God, Oh dear, Oh my how sad, Oh no pink and black, Oh man that’s a big bow, Oh boy she’s housing a small camp of children in her dress, Oh how much must her limo be crowded, Oh I'd hate to be sitting next to her. Simply, Oh.

Sophia Bush

I have a girl crush on Sophia Bush. I don’t know why either, it’s not like I watch One Tree Hill, I think her taste in men is questionable (what would possess you to marry Chad Michael Murray) and she doesn’t seem to do much else but her little soap opera show. However, I do see her in some cute outfits and her hair is always pretty. And her dress her resembles bark off a tree, but still I don’t really care. It’s very A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Viggo Mortensen

What happened Viggo? Where is Lord Aragorn? Hell, I’ll even take the oversexed baseball player from 28 Days, another entirely good-crap (or groop as I like to think) movie. This like a cross between Colonel Sanders from KFC and Tibetan monk. I don’t think I even want to know what that red tassel is attached to. I’ll assume it’s something sexy and not a tasselled cummerbund.

After an extended break, which I neglected to mention in my last post, I’m back! And I did keep an eye on the local fashions and nothing to traumatic happened. But I’m back and ready to regularly post so make yourself comfortable, grab a beverage of choice and let’s rejoice these next items aren’t in our wardrobes.

Alannah Hill

I’m not quite sure why or how Alannah got invited to the Aus Open tennis ball, it’s not like you think tennis and Alannah. Can you picture her on the court? No, neither can I. I’m also concerned about Alannah’s growing dependency to eye make-up, it’s as if she’s the Veronica’s older, lesser seen band mate who was ditched just before the fame arrived. And not to be rude (sure!) but the dress is oddly widening – two tiny legs seem to be strangely far apart. Yep, bizarre-town.

Diane Neal

Di’s attending the NY G’Day Australia ball and I have no idea who she is or how she’s related to Australia – at all. IMDB says Diane Neal is the blonde woman on one of the Law & Order’s but I don’t think this is the same Diane Neal we’re talking about. Firstly, I don’t think that Diane would wear a curtain as a dress. So, dear Diane Neal the second and unknown, maybe chat with the more famous Diane Neal about how Diane’s are supposed to dress – less drapery probably is a start. (Are you Diane confused yet?)

Gina Jeffreys

Gina’s the old girl of country music scene, and has been at the Golden Guitars before they were so Golden and were most likely held at a BBQ in the beer garden of the Tamworth pub. Gina’s obviously decided to fight the age references by dressing like a seventeen year old formal going lass. I understand Gina that it’s hard with all these youngsters joining the ranks but seriously, maybe the cliché ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ isn’t entirely appropriate here.

Julian McMahon

Julian was honoured at the NY G’Day Australia ball, and I’m still not sure what gig got him over the line. Was it his stupendous work in Charmed with Alyssa Milano, was it his amazingly, sadly Oscar unseen, work in The Fantastic Four as a Doctor Doom? My personal belief is it was his brilliant work in Dannii Minogue’s This Is It, video film clip. Anyway, the hat Julian, the hat. What’s going on here? Are we busting the gangster scene later on? Hoping for a call up to Sopranos: The Next Generation? Whatever the reason, I’m going to need an essay of explanation.

Kate DeAraugo

I heard one Miss D on the radio the other day, discussing joining Jenny Craig (I think) and while I commend the efforts, everyone needs to feel healthy, maybe dressing better would win half the battle. This is a better look for sure, than the awful, eye scarring denim skirt ensemble of late last year, but still, the shark netting around your neck? And eyeliner is good, eyeliner is great, but in moderation Kate, moderation.

Kimberley Joseph

I saw Kim in the background of someone else’s shot and wanted to like the dress, saw it briefly and thought, ‘oh that’s pretty and fresh and glamour.’ However, up close, it just keeps growing in resemblance to Grandma’s bedspread.

Kim Wilson

I don’t understand, really I don’t. Sometimes, you look at a dress and think I could work that, and even in the store under the pressure gaze of the store assistants, you think okay, not quite but I’m still buying it, and even it at home, under the suspect gaze of friends and family, who are just dying to say something, you convince yourself, this could be okay. How Kim at any of these stages didn’t look in a mirror and rip off the dress and burn it immediately, is beyond me.

Lee & Robbie Kernaghan

The first thing I know you’re all thinking is – did she really fake tan her legs that badly? No, rest assured people, they are sparkly deep tanned nylons! Yep, that’s right, sparkly deep tanned nylons– don’t you just want a pair? No, me neither. So while it’s not a tan gone bad, it’s now a step away from being the gold statues that stand in the street and somehow earn money for doing not much. Ladies and Gentlemen, Australian of the Year, Lee and his statue impersonator.

Lisa Rinna

Another un-explainable attendee at the Aussie Tourism thing in LA. But still, Lisa looks good. Sure, the face has been a recipient of one too many injections but still, the dress is classy and elegant and something I think I would like to wear. Even the shoes are cute, simple and assisting the dress instead of fighting the dress.

Michael Vartan w/ Shane Warne, Brendan Fevola, Mark Poo

OH MY GOD, Michael run far away! Please don’t listen to anything, anyone one of these men have to say about women, especially Australian women! You’ve accidentally wandered into the cheating, cashed up bogan (CUB’s), my IQ’s so low, they stopped testing around 12 club. Really, nothing good here, move along, move ALONG!! SAVE YOURSELF, YOUR DIGNITY and RESPECT!! RUN FOR GOD’s SAKE, RUN!

Miranda Kerr

Holy Miranda Kerr! Girl, looks good. When are Portman’s bringing that out? It’s very funny but if you read the message boards from the USA, Miranda really divides people, they either love her, or think she’s a PR pushing, boyfriend tabloid sellout. Strange because I think she’s cute, kicky and would personally put her in my top five ‘I’d have her package thanks magic genie granting my wishes,’ – what you don’t know that game?

Natalie Bassingthwaite

Okay Nat, we’re a week out and the pressure’s mounting. From my informal polling, So You Think You Can Dance, is shaping up to be the show of the year, excitement is building, people are stretching, getting ready to learn routines. No pressure, but Cat Deeley is pretty good – a few tips, she seems genuinely sad/excited about the contestants prospects – do that; she has a signature statement ‘it’s the judgeess’ in her UK accent - find something that endears you to the viewers; she takes fashion risks, but doesn’t look like Gretel Killeen on eviction night – don’t listen to Ten stylists, make them call people other than Supre, Glassons and Dotti. Good Luck, and I’ll be watching.

Sara Storer

So that’s what happened to that football dress from the Brownlow a few years ago? You can actually see that Sara’s realised how bad this dress is, how much she’s misjudged the whole thing, but it’s too late and she’s going to grin and bear it. That’s the Aussie spirit Sara.

Ursula Brooks

Ursula every year comes to the Aussie gala in LA and every year, mistakenly believes she’s attending a ho-down. Come on Urs, that dress is made for a dance sequence in a country western cliché ridden film. You just need the cowboy boots, a fair ground, and somebody who has done you wrong and hey presto ‘Wilma Jean: Riding High’ the telemovie will be born.