The Harsh Light of Day

Angela Bishop

I get it, very funny, Ange’s is knocked up, so she’s at the premiere of Knocked Up. The oh so savvy movie publicity trail. Still Ange, I think there are more fashionable ways to be Knocked Up, ways that accentuate the baby belly without making it seem as though you are sacked up.

Amy Erbacher

I actually really quite love this. The black dress and the flattering white jacket with the high collar. The head band with High School Musical feel, it’s all very preppy chic with a modern edge. It’s very exciting to see people wear dresses that flatter their shape, it makes me so excited not only for them but for me too, a world with all shapes and all sizes! Free from size six snobbery – oh yeah!

Ada Nicodemou & Sharni Vinson

It’s these damn H&A girls! Everytime I feel like we’re taking a step forward, they slap me theatrically across the face and take two giant steps backwards. I mean really Sharni, Ugg fitted boots! UGG FITTED BOOTS. And Ada, sideways strippy tights! Sideways strippy tights! It’s like some viral disease landed on your legs.

Ajay Rochester

My mother tells me a tragic story of a time when, as a chestier young lass, she wore a t-shirt supporting the beer XXXX. Sadly however, some of the X’s were missing, and a lovely fellow commented to her, ‘hey I’d want to be between those X’s.’ And that my friend is the problem with statement t-shirts. I’d also question the need for a baseball cap and jeans that cut across everything awful.

Bianca Dye

Maybe the theme of the Knocked Up premiere was to come a little trashy – similar comments said main character would get called after getting Knocked Up by a one night stand. Nevertheless, Bianca Dye deserves points for committing to the theme. Britney Spears as her inspiration, we have cowboy boots, check; ample bosom with clearly visible bra, check; OTT Tiger print, check; and come hither seductress look; check.

Emma Booth

Well bravo Emma, first major run out of the blocks with the over used, over hyped IT girl tag, but you’ve managed to shoulder the burden well. The startling blue and pale skin with blonde hair, is all white witch with a hip new edge. PS fantastic note for the black finger nails, very cool. I look forward to the next outing, Emma but seriously no pressure. No pressure at all.

Indiana Evans

Like her fellow H&A cohorts, Indy sometimes strikes such a beautiful balance and manages to look above and beyond plain soapie starlet. Tonight is not one of those occasions for Indy. Firstly, the sack dress is oh so boring and really, Indy we’ve all seen it before. But mostly, by far and away, those awful thatchwork shoes, that you’ve matched with opaque stockings. I’m all for supporting third world countries and their trades but you don’t have too look crappy doing it.

Jessica Tovey

I hope for Jessica’s sake, she’s dragged her arse off the couch to support Alf. I hope she was Sniffles McTovey and she just felt, that after all Alf had done for her, she should be there. If not, I would maybe consider investing in some natural glow for the cheeks Jess, or even some blush. I’m all for pale but there’s chic pale and then there’s anaemic.

Tiffani Wood

See the problem when you get to like someone, is you feel for them. You see a picture of them and you feel less likely to judge, I feel less the want to be Harsh. But really, if we are the such good friends that I’ve solely decided we are, then judge I must. No, Tiff, I must be fair and say that while from the neck up, it’s a great look and very classy and elegant. From the neck down, it’s a little flashy, a lot widening and the straps, so terribly, terribly unbecoming. Maybe if we had a suggestion box – well Tiff, the suggestion for this week, look at what America Ferrara, Sara Ramirez and Catherine Zeta-Jones wear. See that, and copy.

Asha Kuerten

I think everyone has been feeling nostalgic lately. I know I was thrilled with the flashback of Bedknobs and Broomsticks on Saturday afternoon (Angela Lansbury had quite the dance moves!). Asha here, shows her admiration for Paddington Bear. And I’m all for supporting your childhood love, it’s lovely and pure in these torrid times of jailbirds and rehabbing starlets. Still in the end, you have to question the dedication it requires, because Asha, you aren’t far of ending up in the women’s magazines with a ‘Who Wore It Better’ – and it’s against a bear!





















Ajay Rochester

See Ajay is someone I feel bad about Harshing – because the weight struggling girl in me feels her pain. Still, I would maybe as her friend, feeling her pain and all, maybe suggest a few different clothing options. One needs to wash ones hair before events, so you’re not forced to hide dirty layers with clips. One needs to walk away from waist chains, especially one with little people on it. One needs to find the closed toe version of that shoe. Mostly, however, One should at all costs resist with the strength of all that is possible, jackets that can also be used as floor rugs in a Playboy spread. In short, One, Ajay, has much to do.

Bianca Dye

Yes, it’s been noted here that I don’t have the fondest of fond feelings for Bianca but credit where credit is due – partly. Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of the tiger print, but personal choices aside, the cut and style for Ms Dye is perfectly flattering. It’s the first time, I think ever, that I’ve seen her in something that flatters her assets and I take that to mean, we are learning. The next lesson I have Bianca, is maybe learn a new red carpet face. One that doesn’t leave you looking so intoxicated/sedated.

Belinda Matheson

Here is the perfect, perfect, perfect lesson about why belts on anything is bad! Seriously, how did Belinda think this was a good idea? The belt has no business being on that dress – the dress was FINE! FINE! And Belinda, attempts to ride the overridden trend and wack the belt on. BAD BELTING people, BAD BELTING.

Cindy Crawford

This ladies and the few fashion savvy gentlemen, is how it’s DONE! This is what I consider pitch perfect! It’s all just so sublime. The dress itself FITS her perfectly, it’s elegant, classy and sophisticated. She adds uniqueness with the funky pearl necklace (I know one person right now giggling and I command you to stop!). And the shoes! How hot are they? High, for sure, but who cares when it makes her legs look so good. And as a few people know, I especially covet Cindy’s hair. So much so, I took a recent picture into my hairdresser and said do this – exactly this. (What’s that you say, you don’t care about what’s going on in my life – too bad!)

Caroline Pemberton

The controversial bather’s wearing current Miss Australia, continues the recent trend in reminding us why J-Hawk won the crown and the following crop failed dismally. This dress is a bastard child of a bridesmaid and wedding dress. It clearly doesn’t fit Caz properly, and makes me think she’s at her Keilor Heights Deb Ball in Harry’s Happy Bazaar Ballroom, instead of a five star event at the Hilton.

Giaan Rooney

Oh, carefully Rooney – be very careful now. You’ve had an excellent run in the recent weeks, wearing fresh, individual outfits and receiving praise about the town. Don’t think though, it’s going to ease the pressure on you. While the dress itself I don’t mind, the heavy clumpy black shoes completely drag the outfit down, as does the matching clutch. A light silver strapy to match the belty thing or maybe colours to match the spots next time. I’m behind you Giaan, I am, and so it’s now time to show me your best.

Jamie Wright

Jamie’s got some (or at least one) ardent fan out there, who will defend her to the ends of the NSW Coastline. So ardent fan, wherever you may be – this one is for you. Jamie looks quite nice here. The hair side play is very flattering to her face shape. The dress, while certainly showing off certain parts of Jamie, is quite nice. I even don’t mind the tights. I do question the purple bows on Jamie’s shoes, having nothing else to relate to in the outfit. Still ardent fan, you can report to Jamie she’s done okay.

Krystal Forscutt

I hate, loathe, abhore, despise and just plain am shitty to have to do this but overall Krystal looks good. The dress from what I can see is really classy and elegant, and I like the belt and even the classy shoes. The caplet is practical and sensible (OMG!). I do think Krystal could do with a quick snip and I also think the gloves are a little Cluedo. A little pre-sample to a crime she may commit. But still, I have to say it. Krystal, you look very lovely tonight – excuse me while I go and scrub my finger tips off!

Lindy Rama & Michael Klim

See, it shouldn’t work. It really goes against everything I think is good in clothing. It’s three giant ruffles for Christ sake. Still, for some reason, maybe that has to do with that certain Lindy quality, it works in my opinion. She looks cool and quirky and the colour jumps and she looks incredibly skinny. It’s the kind of outfit, I see, adore and know that never, ever in my wildest rich and famous celebrity dreams, will I ever be able to pull off. So Lindy major congrats to you, I can see why Mikey’s holding on so tightly.

Natalie Barr

Newsreaders are tricky little fashion identities. They are very restricted in that they can’t rock up on the red carpet in a Liz Hurley flash’n’trash dress but at the same time, we all want to know what’s going on behind that desk. Natalie to me, is the perfect blend. She is always classy, always restrained but still manages to look just that bit better than expected. Keep up the good work Nattie.

Paulini

This is unfortunately a tragically look cheap dress Paulini. Black and pale blue are never going to be good bedfellows but to have the heavy black hemline not actually complete is seamstress hell. The bikini style top also further enhances Paulini’s curvy esque features and not in a good way. And while the shoes doesn’t assault your legs the way Ella Hooper’s were last week, it’s not far off!

Rachael Taylor

Some how this young-ing has managed to escape the fallout of the oh-so terrible Headland. That in itself deserves a hearty congratulations. However I take it all back after seeing this outfit. The putrid green only reminds me to check my immunizations in case I have to go overseas. And the worst of all – those shoes, those shoes!! What metallic slide wearing devil monster made you wear these! Did he promise you C grade Hollywood celebrity status. Because even that promise would be easy to resist if it meant wearing those shoes.

Sam Brett

Pure hatred aside, I have to say this Sam Brett ensemble looks cheap and tacky. From the over extended hair to the mismatching shades of shoulder versus face tan. The ill fitting sack dress gives Sammy B a bit of stomach. But worst is the bag – while I’m sure it’s actually a real Fendi, to me it looks like a $5 bargain from outside the Hard Rock Bali. I even double checked for spelling errors – Fendy, Findi, Fndi. (I’m sure there are many who wish I checked my own page with the same diligence).

Sara Groen

You’ve got to hand it to Sara – she’s been handed a challenge and boy has she stepped up. She’s thought to herself ‘if I hear one more thing about how good Jodie G looks.’ And commendably instead of throwing a tanty and turning up with trashy hair extensions, she’s going A-game glamour. It’s elegant and mature and boy, is she not the girl every guy wants to bring home to impress mum with?

Sophie Monk

Looking like she’s auditioning for a young Anna Nicole Smith, with her awful blonde hair extensions and suspect inflated lips (Soph, if you’re going to inflate the lips, at least get a handle on them before a prime-time ACA interview – lest you look like the girl with braces who can’t quite enunciate).

Tiffani Wood

SHE’S BACK!!! My life is complete (yes, I know how that sounds!) Mama Wood is back on the red carpet and while it’s a tentative step to reclaiming the crown of kooky dresser – she’s put up a hand! The stripes and sheer tights help in equally unflattering ways. The furry pimp lady jacket and crazy curls continue it. And finally the not appropriate brown boots. It’s all working together to remind me how much I love the Tiff-ster, how I’ve missed her presence and how I hope this now means invitations will be flooding her doorstep!

April Rose

It’s like looking in a mirror…if I was Twiggy and it was some forty odd years ago but you get my drift. Very glam and very dignified and totally appropriate for Bvlgari store opening. It’s very fresh and youthful and I have no idea who or what April Rose is or does but so far, she’s doing well by me.

Brooke Sheehan

From classy Bvlgari to assy breasts. In what is an early contender for ideal dress for Brownlow 07, Brooke attempts to play off her best assets but merely reminds us why red string isn’t just a Kaballah bracelet. With fantastically awful peacock ruffle as a train, and barely restrained squashed breasts seeking refuge on any escape they possible can. Trash-tastic!

Cate Blanchett

A lot of fashion and the choices made are highly dependent on moxie and how much the wearer has. How much self belief in their choice do they have? Do they belief that the interesting clasped and Dynasty-esque shoulder padded dress is beautiful creation and fashion forward or do they believe it’s an early statement on their Indiana Jones villainess character? I think with Cate she believes the first, I myself tend to believe the latter.

Camilla Frank

Camilla continues to push the tie-dye floating dress fashion up hill. It seems that she is, thankfully, alone in her efforts and here she demonstrates why. A shapeless, unflattering cut with colours that drag her down, I feel this outfit could be equally at home a Brazilian drug lord’s wife.

Damien Bodie

Elvis asked that everyone stay clear of his blue suede shoes but Damien seems to invite, hell, welcome everyone to step on his. And god don’t we want to; what should only appear on Melbourne Uni Creative Arts students from the early 90’s some how made it’s way onto the red carpet, and adding further insult to injury, it’s the Ocean 13 premiere. A film that in many parts in dedicated to dressing men well. Damien don’t tarnish them with your blue Doc Martin brush.

Ella Hooper

Well look at Ella Hooper, all grown and still not quite sure how to dress herself. Firstly, I’ve also liked little Ella, she of the barnstorming voice and rocking dreadlocks. I remember living the Killing Heidi CD for the six months on its release. I have, however felt, that Ella struggles with fashion, she struggles with how to apply it to herself. Here she totally ruins a lovely top half, with a terrible bottom half. Leggings that hit her right on the ankles, and then ugly red chunky shoes and it makes her look…heavy!

Giaan Rooney

Oh dear Giaan! You’ve been performing so well lately, and then you do this! You combine two completely unrelated items and hope they get along. And like Paris and jail, it’s just a mixture for trouble. This outfit had the potential to be good, I’m sure the dress is lovely, and I’m sure the jacket is cool but together, oh no, no, no, no, no.

Hayley Zalewski

And here they come, this season’s Big Brother-ites ready to attend envelope openings, furniture store closings and local sausage sizzles. Hayley clearly isn’t mooning over the boyfriend still in the house and has time to pop to the movies, but considering what she’s wearing maybe more mooning is due. The awful hem lined skirt which a few people are exhibiting only makes me think she’s dropped loose change down her dress, and with the fishnets and cut off boots it reeks of ‘hottest of hot latest so cool sure to be seen’ fashion.

Jodi Gordon

Okay, I’m going to say it – I want to be Jodi Gordon. I want her access to fashion wardrobes, I want her silky brown hair, I want her glowing complexion, I want her amazing accessories. And rest assured people, in the near future, I will be attempting this lovely soft hair do. I will attempt to find a dress that lovely. I will but attempt!

Kerri-Anne Kennerly

We know Kezza loves a shiny fabric, it’s something she is drawn to like Neighbours starlets to bad fashion. and of course, it doesn’t look fantastic on her, it doesn’t flatter her and it could be so much nicer. That’s expected though and it doesn’t shock me at all, however the shoes, oh the shoes! What a mixed up crazy peep tie confection are they?

Kelly Smythe

I’ve been pretty harsh on Kelly, and yes even though the site is so named, Kelly has been on the end of my particular brand of harsh-ness for many occasions. Well Kelly, take a bow, you’ve fought back the best way possible and look smashing. The white pants/black top combo is super and the high waisted look gives her length without adding weight and while the cuff is quite long, I don’t want to focus of the negative. Not when Kelly has seen the non cleavage exposing light.

Kit Willow & Pip Edwards

You know, there’s supporting the green world we all want to love and then there’s wearing garbage bags to a red carpet event. Sure, try and accessorize your way out of it but it’s not fooling anyone. I’m sure GladBags are thrilled and the possible new business income but I’m not!

Natasha Belling

It’s very glamour, high end Oscar red carpet appearance dress for Tarsh. I’m loathe to say it’s a tad too much but it kinda is. It leaves me wondering was this originally Tarsh’s Logies dress and it ran late from the seamstress? Did she lose it in a cab like Sharni Vision did and then find it again and think, damn it, I will get a wear out of this.

Sara Groen

Sara to me is like a second rate (and not in a nasty way) Jodi Gordon. She wears lovely outfits, she always tends to look good but unlike Ms Gordon, there’s just something missing. This dress is a prime example. It’s a beautiful dress and the colour jumps but the fit seems slightly off and cut just a bit wrong. It’s all in degrees and for Sara, it’s a degrees away from being perfect.

Suzie Wilks

The dress itself and in and of itself is fine. I severely, severely question; question under intense scrutiny the choice of the tights. Fishnets? Really fishnets? Come on Suzie, I’m sorry but you and I both know, that you and fishnets never ever should be together. PS Your hairdresser deserves special credit, because his wrist must kill straightening and teasing all that hair.

Tara Moss

Oh Tara, stop it, please, please, please stop it. Stop dressing so damn well, stop looking sophisticated, bring back the mistress of pain, bring back the over usage of leather. Bring back the implied whip, we all knew you had. With Tiffani Wood being a mother and dressing appropriately, the mantle of favourite inappropriate dresser is wide open and you were in contention.

Crime Watch 2007

That’s right kiddies, Harsh Light is on the forefront of crime! Only two days before the Social Lite Murder was splashed across the front pages of the newspapers, we featured the now infamous Charlotte Lindstrom. Ben B was first onto it, emailing me with a tip off and from there, everyone suddenly believed I was an authority on Charlotte – even Swedish press who emailed asking for my comments!! So I guess you have to make it in Sweden before you make it in your own home town.

As we can see, even at social functions Charlotte (red glasses) is one threatening socialite. What was once viewed as an innocent pic, I now think should be submitted into evidence as Image A. Clearly threatening poor Sofia ‘come on bitch, hand over the money or you and crocodile will be having words!!!’ That’s right – today’s lesson: crime effects everyone.

Asha Kuerten

Oh Miss Asha, you really are trying hard to get me to like you. If you smile in a peppy enough fashion, you’ll think that will do the trick. Sorry, I see past the smile and sure, the funky t-shirt and footless tights are fine, but the shorts with straps, really? You really think Ashlee Simpson needs a clone? And the Playschool earrings, yeah I don’t think so.

Andi Lew

Seeing as Andi Lew spends quite a bit of time shopping, you think she’d be pretty good at it. Admittedly, she is shopping for love but that aisle can’t be too far away from a nice skirt and good shoes. Obviously though she got lost on the search, and in a mad rush picked up a pair of crocs. Andi, honey, I know that shopping for love is hard, really I know but it still doesn’t mean you wear crocs as evening shoes.

Amy Matthews

Doesn’t Amy look nice. Very chic casual, what a lovely girl to take out for a Sunday night movie. Except Amy it’s not Sunday night, it’s not a casual date with a friend. There’s a carpet and it’s red and you’re being photographed! Put it all together and step it up.

Danielle Foote & Mr Secret

It’s really quite comical who will turn up for The Secret convention. Believers can you hear me! Can I get an Amen!! Danielle from Big Brother last season seems really eager to either meet the leader or to get a publicity shot. Hmm, wonder which?

Eric Bana

Okay there is no fashion critique here, nothing is wrong. I just think we should look at Eric. And look. And look at the hotness of Eric. Look at the brooding, soulful eyes. That’s some good breeding going on. Aaaahhhhh.

Georgie Sinclair

Stripes are hard, so very, so very hard to wear and impressively Georgie makes to pull it off. The trick is she isn’t over powering it with anything else, no heavy clunky jewellery, no massive bag and no stupid ratty hair extensions that ruin a nice classy outfit. Well done Georgie, well done.

Jeff & Felicity Kennett

Wow Jeff and Flick just breezed in off the street for the premiere at the Rivoli Theatre didn’t they? Do you think they just finished their meal at Pasta Junction and used their Safeway shopper docket for two for one. I think we may need to go over the rules of red carpet and photographers and what we wear when these things are present.

Jade Macrae

I think both Jade and I are in shock that she actually looks good here. Very cool, very rock star, the fake tan is not too fake, the skirt isn’t too short, the singlet top is statement yet not Supre. It all seems to work and I don’t know what to say, except, go Miss Macrae.

Mrs Pratt

Okay the BRW Rich List came out recently and I understand that Mr Inherit It Packer is number one on the list. Which means that yes, the Pratt’s have fallen. Still Mrs Pratt, I don’t think you’d need to cut costs so drastically yet, especially no need to go $5 barber shop yet.

Jaime Wright

Everyone it’s Jaime Wright, yes, THE Jaime Wright!! I will give Jaime the benefit of the doubt and hope that she was part of the fashion show she was attending. Still, as a model, if you’re going to be part of a fashion show, maybe, you’d chose not to be part of the new Britney Spears Yokel South Fashion Line. Wig included.

Rhonda Burchmore

There is a saying that all the world’s a stage and all of us are players. I think Rhonda lives that saying a little too much. High kicks and split leaps on the red carpet and everything! She is also a card carrying member of the Naomi Robson gym junkie team, where you’re upper arms are just bone and muscle!

Sophia Loren

I’m all about working your best assets, I like Ms Loren share a healthy handful of ladies (do you like how I compared myself to Sophie Loren, oh yeah, I’ve got an ego to boot!). Anyway, so Sophia I completely understand about working the ladies. But I don’t believe in giving those in the front row of the red carpet a free show! Sure there’s netting, but netting smetting Sophia, you're a piece of netting away from a breast exam.