The Harsh Light of Day

A small note before we begin - I think I'm physic! Really, have a look at the post for the Logies...way down the page. Did I not say Anthony C needs to stop singing The Prayer because before I know it he will turn up at Beaconsfield?

Well HE DID. That's right - the Sunrise second best benefit concert apparently featured Mr Short Man belting it out. I think it's time Australia intervened!



Melissa Doyle – Melbourne Magistrates Court

The courts haven’t seen such high class fashion since my de facto Darren fronted up on trafficking charges and I wore my flannel dress shirt. Clearly Mel, fresh from her chasing ambulance duty aka Beaconsfield coverage decides the best way to let the Judge know her innocence is to wear it. Pure, virginal, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth white! The pants do need to a serious moment alone with the iron but Mel’s been doing it tough, stranded so far from hair and makeup in Tasmania. I’ll give you a pass – just this once.


Naomi Robson – Melbourne Magistrates Court

Good lord that pony tail is going to give her a hell of a hair headache. I’m actually a little shocked Noms rocked up looking like she was attending a parole hearing. Every other Seven presenter managed to dig out a suit or jacket but here’s Noms in the jeans and tacky sequined Ralph Lauren that retails for $5 down the road at Dimmey’s. Although I do believe her claims that she’s doing her own makeup – it would explain the heavy lip liner.


Antonia Kidman – Foxtel Launch

I was just thinking to myself the other day about the green leopard print tiger I saw in the jungle! I can’t even begin to excuse what’s going on here, it’s Mummy’s weekend boots teamed with incredibly wrong length of dress and a mismatched blue camisole. Antonia, I know life must be hard living in Nicole’s sickly pale botoxed shadow but this is no way to step out into the limelight.


Diana Glenn – Australians in Fim in LA

I’m not even sure this girl is Australian but she comes across my radar for two, yes two issues. Firstly, I know Diana you’re at an Australian event but wearing thongs isn’t appropriate. Rule of thumb: when there is carpet and you have to walk down it, a heel will do. Secondly, why, is your boob about to Tara Reid out? This, my friends is not the only photo with the strap around her ankles. All the way down the carpet, she’s decided against the modern confines of dressing. Which is overall sad because this could have been a really nice outfit. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.


Jonathan LaPaglia and his Date - Australians in Fim in LA

We have a bit of a sibling theme going on here today at HLOD and if we are learning anything, it’s that the lesser known sibling is without a doubt is a crappy dresser. I think maybe Jonathan’s date thought an invite to an Australian event meant hoe down on the farm, yee ha! Well, news for those Yankees, we actually have had electricity for some time now and fashion sense as well. It seems the lights are out in your head and the fashion sense hasn’t come in yet.


Rachael Taylor – Australians in Fim in LA

Clearly the axing of Headland has hurt Rachael, badly. She’s probably moping about her LA apartment, afraid to come back to Australia for fear of being pointed at and mocked. Dressing like a blue shapeless sack won’t help her cause though. Her Grade Three First Day School stance for the camera isn’t helping either.


Sunny Mabrey - Australians in Fim in LA

Again, I’m not sure if Sunny is Australian but she’s at an Australian event so prepare to be judged. The outfit isn’t bad at all, nothing really wrong. That is if you’re heading out for Friday night drinks after work. It's probably been a tough day at the local stationery head office. As long as she handed in all her reports, everything will be fine.


Fiona Faulkiner – Fashion Targets Breast Cancer

I am SO SO SO happy for Fiona. Look what happens when you lose weight and begin to feel good about yourself. The dress is a beautiful shape that highlights Fiona’s height, the boots are so very now and shaggy hair is in style without looking like its being styled. She's even learnt the best angles to stand for pics - a must in any celebrity handbook. Ticks, cheers and a small tear of emotion all round.

Toni Pearen – Fashion Week

A tale of two outfits and one coat: What Lies Under.



Behind coat one: a truly hideous pair of wallpaper pants that should be taken away and buried in a hole, never to be worn again. The navy see through shirt and Indian belt aren’t helping the matter.



Behind coat two: A beautiful dress with a really nice girly green belt that ties it all together. The ruffles on the dress aren’t bad at all, which is odd cause normally I’m anti ruffles, in a big way. The coat is actually doing most of the damage here. Its shapelessness and colour are hiding the classy achievements underneath.


Tiffani Wood – Fashion Week

I’m not really sure why Tiffani Wood thought it would be appropriate to wear the test pattern from television as a skirt. It’s neither fashionable nor funky. Maybe it’s the only television program that will associate with someone so under graded as a celebrity. Also the neck scarf raises issues of croissants and bakeries and the Effiel Tower and the fact that Tiffani and her skirt would be laughed all the way to Charles de Gaulle airport by the snotty French.

Amy Matthews

Apparently rumour has Amy is on Home and Away. Well colour me shocked because she looks like having just escaped the set of Brides of Christ 2: Back to the Convent. I’m mean white shoes with black tights …REALLY? The only and I mean only good note, Amy does have her ticket ready and waiting to attend the night’s proceedings. A little order and organisation never hurt anyone.


Bella & Evan

You know how animal print is coming back in and everyone seems to be wearing it? Well, poor Bella dear got a little confused and just heard animal. It’s only the explanation for her wearing an actual animal out in public. Evan is unfortunately guilty by association.


Catriona Rowntree

Great work here, the grey dress with appropriate ribbon accentuates Cat’s curviness and doesn’t make her look like a Christmas present bursting at the seams. The pearls are a touch of class that say to the cocaine stupefied models backstage ‘I’m a celebrity, I brought my own supply.’ Maybe a quick flush of bronzer on the face but minor…


Emily Barclay

I can’t tell you who Emily is or what she’s been in, I have no idea who the man next to her is and frankly I don’t care. What sends me crazy is the theft! Yes, theft my friends – Emily has stolen Danny De Vito’s Penguin costume from the Batman 2 set and clearly has been saving it for this special occasion. Well Emily, I don’t condone theft or hideous fashion sense so you get a nasty stare from me!


Erica Baxter

Clearly the break up with Jamie was harder on Erica than first imagined. Yes, she is back stage getting ready for the catwalk but why, oh why would you let yourself get photographed looking that? Post break up, you must look unobtainable and hot for at least six months and Erica you’re a model – there’s good stuff to work with but you’ve squandered it and now Jamie is buying more Casinos in Asia and you are distant fleeting memory.




Erika H & Isabel

A tale of two girls who both seem to suffer a tragic disease. Struck down in their prime with opportunities flooding in both exhibited strong symptoms and friends could only watch in horror as the disease took hold. Sadly, it seems to be terminal. Inappropriate-revolting-dressitis is rare and seemly incurable affliction and we ask you pray for Erika and Isabel on their tough journey ahead.

PS Isabel why don’t you go to a recovery program? I’ll mind Chris for you.





Heidi M

No Sass to back up the Bide and look what happens? In all the mad designer lifestyle rushing she’s popped out of the house with her ballet shoes on and thought…stuff it, I’ll just slide the stilettos over…no one will notice. Sorry Heidi, we noticed.


Indiana

Oh Indy, it was all going so well. Fashion black…loving it...beautiful straight hair…sexy…funky pockets in dress…so hip…cute red handbag …making a statement, you go girl and then…like Jaws at the beach, you put on your feet the most nanna, Queen Elizabeth tea and scones shoes! Why Indy, why?


Klimmy, the Princess and Thorpie

I’m so sorry Mr. Klim and Your Highness, it’s not your fault at all. You were probably on the couch minding your own funky, just married business when a squeal was heard across the room, ‘Oh Michael!’ I bet he just sat down and launched into his life and what he’s been up to, how he would have aced the Comm Games. Well Thorpie, I say on behalf of Michael and his lovely wife, move away. Your tarnishing them with your mesh top and sockless shoes (hasn’t mum done the washing yet? Mine either). Also Thorpie just a bit of a beauty tip – wear sunscreen, it helps for nights like this when you start wondering why people are humming Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer as you walk by.


Paulini

Dicko said it, we all thought it. And Australia was outraged. Modern healthy women, blah, blah, overweight, blah. Well clearly Paulini has a crappy memory cause here she is again stuffing things into dresses that don’t fit that way. You know Paulini – when the buttons start to pop, stop. It’s my personal motto and it’s seen me through life pretty well so far.


Pia Miranda

What a beautiful little creature. And she’s so tiny I can say that, cause Pia and I are like that. But she’s perfectly attired for front row attendance. A lacy top that screams ‘I know my way around a vintage market’ paired with ‘but I’m still an Aussie girl at heart’ jeans. Side swept hair with a touch of colour to the lips for sophistication. Pia should give masterclass to every Neighbours actress under the age of 21.


Sandra Sully

It’s tough being a newsreader I’m guessing because everyone expects you to be serious all the time and I bet Sandra has hidden in that wardrobe of hers some pretty wacky outfits - she just waiting to bust them out. This is simple and nice and elegant, the coat giving it a nice day wear feel, still I’m left with the feeling it could be so much more…much like her banter with Ryan Phelan at the news desk.


Stephanie Rice

The case of the semi-attractive sports star strikes again. Anytime an Australian female sports star wins something, marketers everywhere check out how well she will photograph. Sorry Libby Lenton and Leisel Jones, while you may have won more gold…Stephanie Rice has been crowned hottest gold winner and therefore gets to attend all fashion shows. But then the sports-celebs get there and turn up in outfits like this. A poorly fitting dead animal dress that has a day job as a Gold Coast wife’s sun dress. Stephanie pop the bathers and cap back on, pronto.


Sybilla Budd

You can almost, and I say almost see how Sybilla thought she looked good in this. I’m here to deliver the bad news Syb – you don’t. Did you suddenly get half way out the door and realise you might be cold, and just grab the nearest cardie? In truth I would want to put anything I could over this Heinz Baked Beans coloured dress so I understand. Also, I’m sorry to do this to you but: cankle warning, cankle warning.

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Next week - the dramatic finale to fashion week madness and we visit news and current affairs team in court, not my fashion court dammit but the actual thing.

Megan Gale

I am supermodel hear me ROAR!! Maybe Megan’s hoping after her awesome performance in the critically acclaimed film Stealth that the rumours of Gladiator 2 are true and Russell will hire her.

Megan, Megan, adored in Italy and very so-so here. Wonder why that is? I do like her lovely hair, with its highlights but why did she feel it was necessary to accessorize with bracelets stolen from the set of The Mummy.



Natalie not even going to try and spell that crazy ass surname

I see what you’re doing here Nat and applaud the notion – it’s just the execution that’s shabby. The blue is a little too 80’s and why did you attached black tule to the bottom? I agree with whatever waffling host that commented on the earrings – they are divine, I’ll have them please.

It’s just an overall non-click for me. For someone who’s been so many personalities this year, 80’s prom queen isn’t the one I would have picked for the Logies.




Rove and Belinda

Awwwhhh…these two lovebirds just get me every time! And it’s fantastic to see Belinda looking healthy. All those herbs and spices she’s taking must be working a treat – call Today Tonight.

Rove looks so excited to be on her arm which is sweet again but also makes him look like he’s picked her up for the high school formal not believing the coolest girl in school actually said yes.


Rebecca Gibney

Oh Halifax FP in your power suits and cutting lines please come back. This shoddy Marilyn Monroe attempt is ruining your good name. This pic doesn’t capture how badly when Rebecca moves the dress doesn’t move with her, allowing boobs to tumble around her cleavage like my socks in the dryer. Notice also Rebecca, how both cameras behind you are lenses down? I think there’s something in that for all of us

Rachel Carp (something weird)

Okay this has to be the stupidest dress ever! This angle is doing her the world of favours, because from the front the Boxing Belt she’s going strung over her neck manages to not only squash her boobs but accentuates a belly that really isn’t there. Then, and who knows why, she adds another hideously atrocious necklace. Why, oh why?? The dress by itself would have been dramatic and elegant. Drover’s Run is depending on you and this is how you repay them?

Sigrid Thornton

Ladies of a certain age, and even stupid young starlets take note This is how to dress your age and not look aged. Elegant, tasteful, beautiful, perfect length and fit, colour, perfect hair, the right shoes and bag. Sigrid take a bow, this is why John Waters couldn’t wait to run his rivers through it!

Sonia Kruger

After all these years of peroxiding that hair, it’s finally seeped into Sonia’s brain. Catriona Rowntree wore the almost identical dress last year in navy and she looked quite a bit better in it. Still poor Sonia, she had an awfully rough night. Took a nice big tumble on the way to winning an award that neither she nor Darryl really had anything to do with. We watch for the celebrities looking like idiots not bumbling hosts and over the top sidekicks.



Sophie Faulkiner

I’ve never understood this pose on the red carpet. ‘Look everyone I remembered my handbag! Aren’t I clever?’

The yellow reminds me so vividly of Michelle Williams gamble on the red carpet at the Oscars and that divided many. She is an Oscar nominated, indie film darling with fashion forwardness – why Sophie did you feel as the ex-letter turner from Wheel of Fortune, that you could compete with that?


Stephanie MacIntosh

After last year’s debacle it could really only get better but if I were Stephanie, I’d want to tear up the red carpet – I’d want to turn up looking so hot, the red dress would be forgotten as quickly as a contestant on Big Brother. Yet this sequined crazy flapper number is drowned by the Barbie and the Rockers hairstyle you’ve got going on. Also, have a quick chat with Fiona from Biggest Loser about dressing for your size.

Jackie O in the background also imitating a tea pot – Nicole Richie called and want’s her look back.


Tamara ‘no talent’ Jaber and Kyle ‘I’m as Stupid as I Look’ Sandilands

These two kids epitomise the Bogan dream.

Have medium to low amount of talent between them. Check. Become famous not for what you do, but who you date. Check. Spend stupid amounts of money on houses, toys and records deals to seem ‘old money’. Check. Believe your own self hype and deluded yourself into thinking that singing career will be successful. Check. Completely screw up the red carpet with the Fairy Princess goes to the Logies look. Big fat check.

# posted by HLOD : 10:37 PM  0 comments

Home and Away

Without help from either boys – brush your hair and shave fellas, you don’t have much to do, so do it well.

However ladies, especially the two in white bravo! Sharni, the colourful popette needs to have her membership to the tanning beds revoked immediately. Excellent work to Miss. Peep Toe shoes, dress style and fit are perfect. Jodi G – a unique and daring dress and interesting tied back hairstyle but with those smoky eyes – you look young, fresh and hip.

Neighbours

Everybody needs good Neighbours…and also a stylist. Clearly Network Ten bought too much satin and needed to offload it quickly.

It’s all very ho-hum standard starlet soapie wear – your Home and Away competitors showed fresh funky fashion while this is Year 10 formal.

And you peachy, on the end, don’t know your name but this is a bridesmaid dress – you’re at the wrong event.

Young Divas

This makes me cry and not in a good way. So many, many, many mistakes! Like a police line-up, let’s go left to right – Kate, is wearing a black dolie that is for some one a size down. Emily, the auditions for the Queen – We Will Rock You show are over…Ben Elton is not impressed. Paulini its fine if you want wear ruffles but don’t then run your ruffley hair through them and ruin it. And finally, oh lord indeed - Ricki-Lee did any one, ever on Australian Idol say to you ‘You’ve got a killer set of legs.’ I’m going to guess no. This is mutton dressed as lamb and YOU’RE A GOD DAMN LAMB!


Indiana Evans
You can so see why the other Home and Away stars ditched her on the red carpet. I can just imagine the limo conversation.
‘Did you see what Indiana’s wearing?’
‘Oh …my …God. She totally got it from Supre!’
‘Shut up - let’s lose her on the red carpet.’
‘That is a such a hot plan, snaps to you.’

I’m not even going to dignify the Bjork attention seeker in the pink behind Indiana – it will only serve her PR plan.


Isabel Lucas and Chris Hemsworth
Okay, I get you’re attempting to cool and kooky look and Chloe Sevigny is your idol, and yes you’re tiny so crazy shit like this sometimes works but Isabel, sweetie – you look like some one has toilet papered you into a dress.

On the other side of things, I think your boyfriend is mega cute and if you could decide if you’re on or off and let me know, all is forgiven and you look totally hot!

Jessica Rowe
I feel sorry for Jess, I really do. She’s just a happy go lucky girl, who’s been stuck behind a desk for so long and she’s finally set free to the couches of Today and nobody likes her. For being happy – she just can’t catch a break.

She does have lovely little figure and the dress isn’t too bad – thankfully she didn’t stray too far into the animal print. My issue is the hair – have you ever tried to grow it Jess?? The spiky severe look is not helping turn Mel’s sweetie mumsy bob into a distant memory for TV viewers.

Jules Lund
Jules had the chance to be as spunky as the best of them but who ever at Channel Nine convinced him that spray tan and foundation would be okay should be shot. The teeth are crazy white – even from this pissy little photo and I don’t begrudge good dental hygiene but that’s not the case here.

You can try and tell me Jules, that like Charlize Theron that year at the Oscars ‘you’d just been away on beach before the big night’ but you and I and a make up artist from hell, we know different.

Kate Ritchie and Rugby Man Hunk Boyfriend
As many people have commented she looks like a present. Well you deserve it Miss Ritchie, cause you look great. You’ve lost a healthy amount of weight (you should catch up with Fiona from Biggest Loser later) and it’s been a tough year for Sally Fletcher. Almost killed by a stalker, husband dying in tragically soap opera fashion and it’s only you and Alf left in the Bay now. You enjoy yourself as a present – and the beefcake boyfriend on your arm.

Kathleen from Hi Five
It would be dishonest to say I’m shocked by this. I mean really, a knocked up member of Hi Five, was anyone expecting something classy and dignified – no, we weren’t.

In fact, I like to think that the next DVD will come out with a segment on how to make your own Logies dress and this is the one that they’ve prepared earlier. BYO Markers, sequins, butcher’s paper and pipe cleaners.

Kerry Armstrong
For an older lady this isn’t too bad at all. Yes, there’s a little too much cleavage but she does want her pic in the paper. And she’s followed the rules – exposed on top, cover up down low. She’s clearly proud of her efforts here – note the smile – but so she should be.

Kimberley Davies and the cheating scummy bastard husband
I feel for Ms Davies, I do. It’s a low man who will have an affair through two pregnancies and five years of marriage. She shamed him publicly – damn straight – but then she rewards him by putting him on the red carpet with a bunch of smacked out starlets, who hear the phrase ‘I’m a model and doctor’? Why Kim? Has all that hanging upside down on celebrity circus gone to your head?

Or Kimberley’s smarter than I am – keep your friends close and your cheating scummy bastard who spat on the sanctity of marriage husband closer!

Laura Cortsan
This is special. It’s a great colour; you’re standing out from the crowd. You obviously pay your hairdresser well, lovely locks. The neckline is beautiful and the cleavage is there but in a classy and elegant way and the length makes you look super tall. It fits you! Glory be you’ve actually made a great assessment of your shape and size.

Your only fashion error and it’s really not even your fault. The lollipop with the huge ass standing next to you is ruining the shot.

Lisa McCune and hubbie Tim
Lisa – thank god Lisa. Year, after year it’s been tragedy followed by curly haired tragedy. This dress is lovely – a little guest of wedding – but hey it’s you, I’ll mark up. Hubbie scrubs up well too, very matching also but you’re someone who needs to stick closely to the stylist rules.

My only complaint and it is minor. The shoes are a Coles BBQ sandal. Not a Logie Red Carpet stiletto. But as a working mother with many fake Coles children to feed I’ll forgive you.

Livinia Nixon
Poor Livvy, she’s just so nice and sweet and nice and …nice. I feel sorry for her – she’s starting off a severe handicap of wearing stunning gowns every night of the week. She probably spent hours and hours going through Channel Nine wardrobe hoping to find a dress she hadn’t worn. Not bad but not brilliant – I feel like I just killed a puppy. Insulting sweet Livinia just isn’t as fun…although, she clearly mistook the dead pigeon in the street for her handbag in all the pressure.

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Part 2 Tomorrow - The Thrilling Conclusion to How Bad Can It Possibly Get.

Remebering that Stephanie MacIntosh and Tamara Jaber are still to be judge...