The Harsh Light of Day

What a week it's been - my love of award shows continues unabated. Nothing says good times like celebrities stuck in a room like school children at weekly assembly. The seething hatred of watching some one else win YOUR sports award - it's just the same but on a global, critical judgement that stays with you forever scale. Also cracker Grey's Anatomy episode on Monday - Meredith is severely testing my patience and yes, I understand it hard to get over Patrick Dempsey (I never have) still, it doesn't give one the right to use one's best friend as a rebound sex. Bad Meredith.

On a more fashion related note, while I don't judge international celebs (they get enough) I will say Patrick Dempsey and Keifer (Christmas tree lover - if you've never seen the footage of Keifer attacking the Christmas tree you haven't lived) Sutherland know how to wear a tux! (air clicks!) Eva needs to back away from the fake tan, thank god Ellen Pompeo has been eating recently and Katherine Heigl made me eat another pack of M&M's cause genetics is a bitch!



Bella

Bravo Bella! I love it. From the cute brown shoes, to the cream dress with nice white jacket and accessorized with gold bangles and necklace. It’s all good but my favourite part is the glasses! I love her in glasses - they just add something special to her face and make her look sophisticated and stylish.


Bessie Bardot

Oh Miss Bardot really. Firstly how obscenely long is her neckline – in a weird, parents may have cross bred with a giraffe way? Secondly the ruffling that’s popping out of the top of her cleavage could either be the tablecloth from dinner or her padding in the bra – either way they don’t add elegance. Her hair is also bordering on Nicole Kidman doll’s hair. Not justifying the product placement either.


Courtenay Act

I’m moving right past the envy for Courtenay’s legs – that’s just not natural to be a man and have those legs! I also understand that yes, being a drag queen means the outfits are usually twice the fun and exaggerated to the maximum. However why, oh why does his/her makeup look like Britney Spears in that Dateline interview? The one where she cries and her fake eyelash falls off. That’s not something to emulate Courtenay – unless this is a homage and in that case, well done, you look exactly like the Queen of White Trash.


Emily Barclay

I know you all think I’m going to hate this and yes, part of me is unsure about the matching of black tights with a mainly navy outfit but I’m willing to slide past that one because the rest of the outfit is delightful. Original and fun, this is what to dress as a hot young thing about town with street cred and a real job is all about. This says I’m a serious hip young actor much like Rose Byrne so watch my star rise. It does not say I finished seventh in Big Brother and spent the entire time in the house singing and was like, shocked, when a two men in a garage record company asked me to release a single.


Jemma Kidd

For those who don’t remember Jemma Kidd cast your minds back to the early-mid nineties when Miss Kidd was part of the elite so skinny I need to put a plug in my shower so I don’t slide down the pipe set. While vehemently denying any disorder at the time (cough Nicole Richie cough) it turns out that shockingly she did! While I commend her for getting better and all power to her and those struggling with the disease, I’m in no way inspired to buy any cosmetics from her. With roots that start in her armpit and bags under her eyes and cracked lips, there’s nothing here that makes me think wow that will solve my dreaded monthly breakouts. Have a look at the SKII campaign Jemma, that’s what cosmetic marketing is all about.


Kate Fischer

Another case of a cold night and people pretending that their donna cover is a actually a coat. In actually fact it’s a gorgeous coat, much like Max Mara coat I spent dreaming of for two years. However the upturned collar with the belt hog tied around poor Kate and her chosen angle, do absolutely no favours to either the coat or Kate.


Michelle Walsh

Holy lord it must have been cold on that red carpet. Careful Michelle someone could lose an eye with those things. This gives me a weird fembot flashback. And that’s my problem with this outfit, instead of looking like a yummy mummy who’s retained her hot little body except for the bump, she now looks like a cheap lady of the night. A bra would have killed her?


Tali J

Well, it’s an improvement to say the least. I think Tali’s jealous of my constant adoring references to the fashion car accident that is Tiffani Wood. Her efforts to get on my radar are commendable, who else would pair red and black leopard print with a pinafore pockets dress, belt it and then top it off with brown shoes? Tali you are fantastically off track and your efforts to dethrone Tiffani haven’t gone unnoticed. One more week of absence from Tiff, and weird arse stuff from you and the crown could be yours.


Victoria H

It’s quite strange at Harsh Light that today there’s almost equal applause to the boos and hisses. I’m almost at a loss about what to do. I still can congratulate Victoria on a beautiful little outfit. It does wonders for her tiny tall figure and the shoes are divine. Classy, elegant with a hint of sexy – it’s all too much for me!


Victoria T

How does one explain this? I don’t think I can. I mean, it’s a black dress with awful Like a Prayer era studs, we team it up with pattern stockings that resemble a nasty disease attacking her legs and then, just for good times, Victoria’s thrown on a pair of boots that in no way match the outfit. It’s like she ran out the door on the farm in Dad’s gumboots and much like the magic faraway tree ended up in a completely different world.

Antonia Kidman

I share a house with my sister and I’ll be the first to admit. She’s far more glamorous and fashion orientated than I am, but I use this to my advantage. I take hints from her efforts and realise my limitations so I don’t mimic her. If there is a particularly nice piece I might borrow it on occasion (of course asking first lest WWIII be unleashed). Which brings to me ask why Antonia Kidman continues to shop at Target Lovely Ladies Section? You know, I’m sure if you ask nicely Tones, Nic wouldn’t mind if you borrowed something once or twice. Please get onto that immediately.


Carla McGuire

Thank GOD. After a disastrous Logies appearance by Carla, she disappeared – I know I was harsh but it was with good intent. And it seems to have worked. Here is the demure and elegant fashion plate we love. A simple black dress with beading neckline and exposed (but not over exposed) cleavage. If only Eddie could turn around Nine, like Carla turned around her fashion fatality.


Chris Hemsworth

Yes, I may have a slight leaning towards Chris and I’ll state that upfront. I may find him delicious and horribly cast in Home & Away as boy one minute and a man the next. However my love does not blind me from things, I can see past six pack toned chest …sorry where was I? Okay, the outfit is fine – very cool laidback guy. It’s the scruff and hair. Designer stubble is fine – hello Matthew Fox. However scraggly I haven’t washed my hair and forgot to shave for this event is NOT okay. Bad Chris.


Emily Barclay

It’s weird crossing of themes here from Emily. I think she was Candy Striping at the local hospital and then realised in a mad dash she had a function on. Rumaging through her bag all she found was the cardie – quick, pop that on and Mr Taxi Driver, stop here at the 7-11 I just need to grab some stockings. So while I applaud her generous giving of time, maybe a little diary organiser should be on the shopping list.


Gian Rooney

If your friend, who you’ve known and loved for years and who you’ve supported through thick and thin called you up one night, just to see how you were doing, and your great, life is normal, but she’s heading off to a big red carpet do tonight, and then you ask what is she wearing and she say’s to you, ‘Oh this completely funky metallic silver shorts with a matching top and then cause of that stupid ice show, I’m still on the crutches so I’m going to cover my plaster cast with a black fishnet sock thing?’ – would you say something? Would you offer a cautionary note even though it may end badly? Ask yourself that today – it’s a tough question of friendship.




















Kate Fischer & Michelle Walsh

Will this damn kaftan thing never die!!! It’s awful, it’s in no way flattering on anyone that I’ve seen and it requires tricky nude lingerie. Yet somehow everyone and their dog is deciding this is the hottess thing to be in right now. While Michelle clearly trounces Kate in who looks better in the flimsy sheet – it’s not something to celebrate Michelle, it’s really not.

This kaftan of horror is not hot, it’s not flattering, it is what Noelene Brown wears around the pool while knocking down a few G&T’s in a can. So if you spot this on the racks – RUN, don’t walk, RUN in the other direction!


Lee Furlong

Lee seems to have confused the fashion show with a Year 11 formal. Right down to the tacky bag and Speeds sparkly shoes its blah. It’s a boring black dress with shock a cleavage. Really Lee, everyone woman these days is showing the coconuts on the red carpet – that’s not going to get attention any more. Time to step it up a notch.


Natalie Bassing…(sorry still can’t do it)

Holy Moly! There are some very good things here and some very bad things here. The dress is incredibly sexy – very va va va voom. You can see why Dr Karl left Susan stranded time and time again. I would also imagine it would require incredible posture as one errant slouch and everyone checks out Nat’s Rogue Traders. The red hot blooded woman lipstick and nails are great too, completes the ensemble. Sadly the bad things stick out too much to be ignored. Firstly - either it’s a wig and a bad wig or someone has screwed up Natalie’s hair so much it looks like a wig – the fact that I’m confused means it’s not a good hairstyle. Those horrendous boots – in another outfit they may work well but here – it’s terrible…oh the horror of it all!


Signourney G

I really like this dress – for starters because it’s not a kaftan and secondly, she hasn’t felt the urge to stick a belt around it. Bravo. But it’s classy and stylish and the shoes are cute and match the dress perfectly. The only thing is the massive chunky black bag. I know it’s cool and very in but seriously, it’s overwhelming the poor little dress, and what’s in the bag that couldn’t have been left on the bench at home.


Stephanie McIntosh

For all that is good and holy, for every ray of sunshine in the world, why, oh why Stephanie would you not wear a bra!! I can see the good intentions in this dress – the empire waist to draw attention away from her middle which inexplicably photographs badly. The black which is always slimming and lovely softly styled hair. It’s all the here, the tools for a good performance but then you let the coconuts split apart so far that Nick’s coveted Premiere Ship cup could rest in there. Instead of a nicely shaped silhouette – she is now in a cleavage baring black sack.

Asher

Okay, it’s time to call game over. The lights are up, the curtains gone down and the audience has left. The trend known as putting a belt on anything that doesn’t require a belt is getting so long in the tooth it’s making Michael Douglas look youthful! And really Asher’s copping the brunt of my frustration because she doesn’t look at all bad, in fact the dress is really nice, it’s just the belt doesn’t seem to provide anything at all – either through functionality or aesthetics.


Bianca Dye

Yes, Bianca I’d be making that face too if a photographer just showed me what I was wearing. Obviously Bianca doesn’t visit HLOD because as those eagle eyed readers would know, I mauled Camilla Frank only a week ago for wearing the same outfit badly. See it’s not just a fun poke at celebrities here, it’s an advisory service to said celebrities about what to clearly avoid on the stylist rack.


Eddie, Rachel and Bryan Brown

The Mover-and-Shaker, the Aristocrat and the Aussie Bloke: A story of an attempted network salvage. Eddie McPress the Flesh to Save Face over my Public Flogging by the Once Friendly Media snuggles right up to the it couple of the moment – cranky Sunday Life piece aside. Eddie’s waving the Collingwood flag still with his tie but the pressure is obviously manifesting itself physically cause the boy is sporting some tired facial baggage. In complete contrast Rachel looks sophisticated and funky cool, and Bryan in that manly manness of man suit that says mess with me and I may be forced to introduce you to my fist.


Kate Ritchie

It’s been a rough year for Sally Fletcher and now the ripple effect has hit poor Kate. A very messy public breakup with the beefcake however has dinted her recent style – well not too much (I’m being kind). The pockets black dress is not only stylish but incredibly practical (car keys!) and she lightens it up with the red bag. However I draw the line at the leggings – it does her and the dress no favours. And in the idea of being nice to the recent downtrodden that’s all I have to say.


Kirrilly J

In proving that fashion is in the eye of the beholder – I got slaughtered for my recent critique of Kirrilly and her smock/dress. Still, I’ve said it before and I’m shouting it again – I’m not judging for the cool factor which Kirrilly has in spades, I’m judging on the what-the-hell first thought into my brain. My first thought here is Kirrilly is trying to hide something, and no probably not an early pregnancy sign, she’s probably smuggling a plasma TV out in the dress. I don’t understand wrapping oneself up in a king bed sheet and sewing pockets on and calling it a dress – but that could just be me?


Marcia Hines

Marcia’s come back from Mars on her intergalactic space trip with the Star Trek team to report on a few things. So urgent was her report that she didn’t event have time change from her astronaut suit, she’s just rushed straight onto the red carpet with her news.


Nikki Zimmeran

Confusion is hanging around here today like Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey together – inexplicably everywhere. Why , for instance does Nikki, who looks lovely in this black and mauve dress which is paired with tights and nice Mary Jane heels chose to wear a t-shirt underneath? Was she cold? Coz I remember wearing some pretty revolting t-shirts under my winter school uniform but that was because I was freezing and also trying to be a rebel – I’m not sure the same reasons apply here.


Tara Moss

Well there’s nothing like letting the Ladies out for a night. Tara shows us what she’s literally made of in this …revealing dress. What immediately strikes me is that with Tara’s height – her chest is normally at everyone’s eye level, a dress like this would mean everyone in the room practically got a lap dance for free that night. Men = unparalleled joy, Women = seething anger.


Toni Pearen

I know Seven are about to reunite all the cast of E-Street for a big where are they now special but Toni’s obviously gone out early and raided the 80’s wardrobe. The necklace especially screams ditzy Toni (yes, the challenges of playing a character with the same name as your own are intense). I’m just waiting for her to launch the second attempt at her music career – I’ll support her, I did the first time.

***

In a side note – whoever set up the red carpet at the David Jones show needs to be taken about back and severely beaten (a little too drastic?). Every single celebrity is shadowed from the waist the down by the paparazzi taking photos. The width of the carpet is there for that specific reason but some nifty little PR bubble probably thought she was doing the hungry press such a big favour by bringing them closer. Honey, you may have scored points on the night but the fallout is far reaching.

Yes, I know it's a day behind. Tell that to my power company who decided - just for kicks - to shut off my power. Forcing me to go and see The Sentinel and let's just say Eva Longria should stick to skimpy outfits, cause the acting - not so much. However Keifer Sutherland - man knows how to work a suit and brooding stare.


Belinda & Tali

I feel sorry for Belinda – because if she didn’t have Tali draped all over her, she could possibly be here under very different circumstances. She has a really nice dress and lovely legs but I can’t really see both because my eyes are horrifically drawn to mess next to her. Tali look’s like she’s been attacked by a nasty bout of Japanese Calligraphy Poison Ivy on her legs and then she tops it off with a reject from Collette’s Ring My Bell video clip top and necklace. Still nothing says classy like a matching tattoo and leggings.


Fashion Assassin Summer/Spring Show

Now usually I don’t venture onto the catwalks – because frankly, it scares the crap out of me. Who can explain half the stuff that comes out but I understand that’s what a catwalk is and that most times the clothes won’t be practical or sensible. Still, someone needs to explain this outfit to me? Just picture, you’re having your Sunday coffee, relaxed after a nice breakfast reading the papers – very hip, very cool. Then this boy walks past you in the street – what would you do? Of course you spit your latte through your nose spilling it all over next week’s horoscope and laugh uncontrollably and then reminded yourself that’s what happens when you do drugs for too long.


Jennifer Hawkins

Oh, she’s so fresh face and girl next door you could almost bottle it. In fact in the advertisers dictionary next to appealing campaign of moral virtue Jennifer’s picture is there. And she looks very sweet and lovely here, it’s all very nice and friendly. The shoes do worry me though – I have an urge to break out into the Good Ship Lollipop with its own special tap dance routine.


Kathryn

Before you all rush to Kathryn’s defence, I think she looks good. Lovely satin suit skirt outfit – the shoes that are so hotter than hot right that everyone is wearing them, to all occasions. My problem is the slouching, the bent over like the Hunchback of Notre Dame – and before you all get up in arms to defend Kathryn, it’s not just this photo, she’s slouched her way up that red carpet. Kathryn, you’ve got height, brilliant stand out in the crowd statuesque height – use it! Or as my mother said ‘stand up straight!’ – Mum’s pretty eloquent.


Mink

I love it, I love it, I love it …WAIT! The shoes! AGHRR a lovely beautiful elegant classy outfit ruined by mismatched shoes. It’s not that the shoes are bad, in fact with the right outfit they themselves would be fantastic, it’s just when pieced together with a demure black and white ensemble they are demanding the wrong attention. Did she break a heel on the way there and had to by an emergency pair of shoes?


Mischa Barton

I was so excited to have Mischa on our shores – I was ready to launch into a Rachel Zoe smack down and then Mischa does this! She looks fresh and young and spring and everything she’s paid to look. I can’t rage against her machine on this, I really can’t. Only the excessive amount of clothes being sent to her hotel when I clearly am in need of a new wardrobe is something I can be angry about – and even then it because she’s famous and photographed all the time so I can see why they’d chose Mischa over me.


Sandra

I hate to do this, it’s the end of winter and I know we are all carrying that extra bit of insulation but when you try and squeeze that insulation into small clothing dreadful things can happen. Including what we have a here – a gold cover camel toe. I really think Sandra felt like she was bringing some much needed colour and excitement to this boring political tourist function but there’s a reason models go into fashion and politicians go into politics – fashion sense!


Sharyn Ghidella

This is a sweet little frock Shaz has on – very demure and dignified and she’s doing well to reverse the awful newsreader curse we’ve seen here lately. My quibble (yes, it’s a word) is it does nothing for Shazza’s frame – it gives her what can only be described as a Petria Thomas shoulder lift. She looks ready to compete in the Beijing butterfly race.

Yes, I know. No Friday Bacon again - and it sucks cause I'd chosen my theme and everything! Alas, it got to Sunday and there's nothing worse than being so late to a party - don't worry I'll save it for this week.

And shout out to helpful HLOD-er who directed me to another local photog site. Only problem the pictures are Nicole Richie post Paris friendship small and I ain't rich enough to get my own. But big thanks for the input - I squee'd my way through the rest of the day!


Asher Kedie

She so reminds me of that girl that everyone in school loves because not only are they beautiful but they’re also really nice and spend all their time in the art department creating stunning paintings. Pisses me off these talented hot women! Here Asher looks great – the only thing is the sleeves. It’s not bad, it’s just the lines of the dress don’t lend it to sleeves.


Camilla Frank – The Boho Nightmare

Was it me or wasn’t everyone say like four months ago, boho chic is so out? Well someone forgot to mention it to Camilla, either that or she’s saved herself a bundle by buying all the clothes people are trying to get rid of. And while we are discussing over used trends, the belt that proves to be no assistance at all! This belt is almost a mockery to all belts.


In the same week, Camilla just ain’t letting a bad idea die. The belt of no purpose has thankfully been left at home, but in its place the cleavage of stupidity. This actually looks like Camilla has just popped on heels for the evening cocktails by the pool – not a red carpet charity function.

Claudia Karvan

For some people Claudia can do no wrong, she is their indie princess idol with her cool thirty something tv shows. Still, no matter how idolised you are, nothing can excuse plain ugly outfits. And here Claud excels in ugliness. Nothing says sexy like a bunching Harry Highpants Skirt. Except of course a sparkly top with a white reflective bob tube underneath. Too finish off this winning (note: sarcasm) ensemble the shoes of death aka the ever spreading court shoe craze!


Donna G

This is what’s wrong with red carpets! Excess satin, over inflated breasts that take on a pointy Madonna-esque look, ultra dyed too long Texas prom queen hair!

Emily Browning

As we’ve discussed here many times before at HLOD – I am not cool, just don’t contain that wear crazy shit and make it look good DNA. I still can take my hat off to those who can, sometimes they do make me want to purchase a playsuit even though I know I will never, ever wear it. Emily is one of those people who has that DNA, however today it must have freaked out at the last minute as she was putting the finishing touches to her pretty funky outfit. There is no other rationale explanation as to why she’d wear LIGHT BLUE tights with this outfit. I diagnose you Emily with freaked out DNA-itis, sure to be cured in next week’s House.


Isabel Lucas

Speaking of wearing crazy shit and making it look good, the queen of how out of control is my wardrobe – Isabel. I often feel like I’m shouting at the rain with Isabel, but some one (EL) pointed out that Isabel is Australia’s very own substandard version of Mary Kate Olsen. And it fits – the bag lady ugly clothing and stupid headwear. All she needs are oversized sunglasses and massive coffee and Izzy is Hollywood ready.


Jodi Gordon

Jodi G is becoming a firm favourite here at HLOD. Not in a Tiffani Wood way but in a can’t put a foot wrong, amazing style for a Soapie starlet favourite. This dress is stunning, a beautiful red, a perfect fit, unique, flattering, sexy yet elegant. She’s even perfected it with upswept hair to further show off her décolletage. Bravo Jodi, I salute you!


Mrs Crocker

At first I thought Barry Crocker was doing a nightclub tour after seeing how much fun Bert had at Twister last weekend. But no, this is Mrs Crocker…maybe in a time warp? There’s that whole thing about dressing for your age, but this, this is another lever of crazy. What would possess some one to do this? Is she trying to assure Barry she’s still swinging? Dressing like a Gold Coast hooker won’t bring him home Mrs Crocker, it will only make him stay for another hour.


Noni Hazelhurst

This would be funny if it was intentional but it’s not. I think Noni’s seriously wearing this number with fashion in mind. Maybe her dressed got mixed up the dry cleaners and she was stuck with the female Uncle Sam outfit from a 4th of July party. What makes it fail in my book as ensemble is the black shoes. With a sea of red, why not go the whole enchilada – red shoes, red handbag and Nones should have topped it off with a red hat!


Tali Shine

If Tali’s pregnant – that’s a great dress, a funky pattern with a great length and I even like the ballerina tute underneath, it flatters her in all right pregnancy places and makes her look sophisticated and stylish, very yummy mummy. If Tali’s not pregnant – wow is that a bad angle to stand on.


Tiffani Wood

Oh Tiffani, you went away again and I missed you so and then you do this to me. You turn up looking good, looking great even! Stylish, elegant and beautiful. Why? Is it because you think that’s what I want? No, from you Tiff, I love the wacky, I love the crazy, it’s what makes you so you. On the outfit, you do actually look very nice and on any other night you’d get my salute but Jodi in that dress has pipped you at the post. But a mini salute for a most improved performance – hate it as much as I do.